In Law holiday over due date

I'd imagine they never wanted to babysit and that it's to much for them hence the holiday. I wouldn't ask them again personally.

I do think they should have mentioned that they don’t plan to be there but equally it does sound a huge ask in the circumstances, especially when they have only done the odd bit up til now.

I feel sad for those in labour with no family support. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a bit of support at that time.

I’m flabbergasted at the entitlement in your post.

The very obvious answer is that you either find another birth partner from amongst your friends or hire a doula to be with you.

The best person to look after your child with additional needs, and of course your other child, is your husband. I would think he’s more needed at home than in the birthing room.

No one should be having a child to be support for another child

Wow how nice to live in a world and expect everyone to do exactly as you want them to.

1. It’s your plan. Not theirs. They don’t have to do anything including booking a holiday when it’s convenient for you.
2. You are lucky you have family around at all. I went into labour and had no one to help with my other child. You sound entitled.
3. Who says they have to be at your beck and call considering you don’t even know when the baby will be born?

You might be disappointed but honestly you don’t come off well here. Make other plans and wish them a nice holiday.

I thought this too tbh but then we don’t know why the OP had a third. It might have been so the non-SEN child has support in the future as it sounds as if the SEN child may need care.

If the grandparents are your only village OP, don’t fall out with them, you simply can’t afford to in the circumstances.

The fact that an agreement was in place and then broken is fairly crucial information to the question of unreasonableness in this scenario! I think if you’d included this in your OP the flavour of the responses would be significantly different!

Changed my vote following your update, if they’d agreed to the plan them to plan a holiday is selfish & leaves you in a bind. Unfortunately nothing you can do about it other than make alternative arrangements & know they are not reliable moving forward. As others have said a planned baby would mean nobody booking plans for a month either side of due dates in our family!!

I would absolutely be there on the spot for any DC having children- risky or not- so I think yes, they are being thoughtless.
I would also possibly be a bit surprised at any of my DC having a third child in these circumstances.
I also find it very petty of pp to argue that inlaws deserve no help in the future if they won't help now. They have already brought up your husband!

This sounds like something my MIL would do.

In fact, in a similar way, MIL came and told her son on the Monday that she was going away for a fortnight on Thursday (our first baby was due on the Friday). He had said why would you do that and she'd replied that first babies are always a fortnight late, plus she wanted to look tanned when she held her first grandchild.

I had the baby the day she went away and our son was two weeks old the first time she came to see him (straight from the airport). I was breastfeeding upstairs and H wouldn't allow her to go up. So she went without seeing him.

We didn't have much to do with her after that.

When my youngest daughter was expecting twins I cancelled a holiday which was booked before her pregnancy as I knew she'd need me to look after her older child during appointments and hospital stays - she had severe sickness and stayed in hospital several times.

I look after both my daughters' three children (6 grandchildren) so they can work. I stopped teaching to look after my first grandchild so mum could go back to work.

I can't understand why your MIL would do that to you after what you've explained. It's a time to draw your own conclusions. I completely understand that you want your husband with you.

I wouldn't say entitled but definitely unreasonable! I just can't get my head around people who are not in easy situations decide to make their lives even more difficult! Two kids, one with SEN, a traumatic birth where you almost died and you decide to get pregnant again.Exactly as the pp said above what if your IL's get sick or pass away??

If you don't have anyone, you will have to go to hospital by yourself or hire a doula.

I gave birth on my own every time (same dad). Last child was due to our 2nd child having significant needs.

And did you "consider" them when you made your plans ? So you make plans, don't discuss them in anyway and just expect the world to fall in line!

You will survive this.

I don’t think they needed to be thinking of your due date … if they knew it. Many factors influence dates people choose and they were not thinking of childcare. Don’t be hating on them for not thinking of your Labour needs first.

You have time to make a plan, ask around babysitters (you have other kids, ask around the mums). Time for the new sitter to meet your kids. I know it’s unpredictable when you will go into labour, but you’ll figure it out. I’m sure many people have this issue, and it works out. Ask around … it will work out.

Your choice to have a third child. They are not obliged to put their life on hold for you. I hope they enjoy their holiday.

I dont think you had "agreed" though OP. You'd had a couple of conversations and they made vague assurances. Which they shouldn't have done. But if you want help you have to be specific. So "MIL, I'd like you to ensure you can drop anything at once for three whole weeks and come the second we ask you to". If you want your partner there, and I understand that, that's how specific you had to be. I nearly died with my first and so for my second it was a military-like exercise. A few close friends and family, and I just asked them what their plans were - day and night. We always knew that if we could t find someone my husband would have to stay home, because that's the commitment you make when you have a second child.

Are they subtly worried about how much you would expect of them when they retire, given it seems they do a lot already, you have a high needs child, you nearly died having the last one and you've decided to have a 3rd? Maybe they are trying to tell you not to expect loads of help just because they have retired.

Yeah, right!

Still a bloody big risk to take imo.

I guess it depends why she nearly died though. Could be something they know about so can treat for next time?

Good that you're sucking it up. With 3 DC, at least one with SEN, and them being your only 'village', you're going to be calling on them more in future. Even if you're paying for official childcare, with 3 kids in the mix and only two of you, there's going to be more appointments and such where you need their help. Maybe it's good that they're setting this expectation from the off not to rely on them too much so they can be free to head off when they please in retirement.

I agree, I'm rather bemused at a third if last time you nearly lost your life.

Of course there is!