To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

No. It's just small talk, it's unlikely that the hairdresser will do anything with the information.

OP, people are going hard on you. Is this more about not wanting to mention his school because it may lead to discussions about why he goes there, what SEN he has? If so, I think that's understandable and the questions above are good suggestions.

This has got absurd, hasn't it? The fear of a hairdresser knowing which school your child goes to. I've not come across this before!

This seems sad and to come from a place of shame, rather than paranoia. Would you be withholding the name of his school if he went to an elite primary for gifted toffs?

I think saying you prefer to keep this private is likely to raise more interest and questions that just saying they're in the local primary or something equally as vague. People do judge or make assumptions based on school catchment or reputation unfortunately. But that's true about anything, probably even which hairdressers you are in in the first place. If you are really worried about safety for a specific reason then you need to ensure a safety plan with the school, but otherwise you are going to miss out on normal social situations by responding like this.

I'm careful not to post anything identifying on social media. It's completely locked down security wise and the only people who have access are people i know in real life, but I work with people who have the potential to be very dangerous (to the point that in interactions with them we don't even use our real names) so yes, if I'm posting something on social media i will blank out a jumper logo. But that's the extreme end of the scale. I have no issue with telling my hair dresser or the lady on the check out in Tesco which school he goes to.

Realty weird.

What do you think your hairdresser is going to do with this information

It's just conversation.

If you really want to then just say “one of the local schools” and change the subject.

It’s just small talk, they will say “oh lovely my nephew used to go there” or similar comment. When you walk home from school do you cover their uniform? Hide their book bag? You are displaying this information all the time.

Yes but if someone from the local community saw it, like the hairdresser in your example, they’d probably know from the colour of the jumper.

That's a bit different though as anyone can see that! These are people you're already in friendly conversation with?

There are only two primaries in my area so my hairdresser could have made a 50/50'guess for my kids lol it would have seemed weird.

Unless the person is a stranger or seems nefarious this does come across a little hostile and like you suspect them of something

I mean, I think you’re being a bit ott with safeguarding concerns unless there’s no contact with a biological parent or something- people just use this to make conversation, like talking about the weather, unless it’s because a biological parent That said, I don’t like it when people ask but that’s for a very specific reason - some random in the doctor’s waiting room once asked me and when I told her the name (it’s private) she DEMANDED to know why I’d sent my children to a prep school and then took it upon herself to tell me her opinions of private schools and ‘parents like me’ right across the room! I was utterly gobsmacked and really wouldn’t like to repeat the experience!

Do you deliver your child to school in a vehicle with blacked out windows, or do you walk there with a veil over his head? And yours of course, because anyone who knows you could then work out which school he goes to. This is ridiculous.

This, I have to make small talk a lot in my job I guarantee if I'm even listening I won't remember you or the conversation 2 minutes later.

Quite. Dear lord, this is utterly ludicrous.

Are you living under cover as a spy ? Otherwise this is mad.

You're mistaking small talk for genuine interest. Other people are not all that interested in your son. They just assume you are, so he's an obvious topic for easy conversation.

Have you ever taken your kid shopping after school in their uniform. People don't care and are making conversation stop being weird

I knew a mum who was ashamed her DS went to a school for DC with learning difficulties. She'd lie. I found that really sad. 99% of the time people really don't care. It's just to fill a gap in conversation.
There are several local schools, one a very expensive public school (that DIL attended and hated), one Catholic and the other three are state. One of those is outstanding (in a beautiful area, oversubscribed, small catment with more expensive housing, my DC went there), one average and one that needs improving.
Of course there are outliers but someone I know asks the question to make a snap judgement of you as a family, to see whether you're good enough.
I suspect your hairdresser was simply making small-talk and didn't have a nefarious motive. What do you think someone would do with the information?

Social media posts can be visible to any and every passing, dirty mac wearing weirdo.

Chatting with a lady in the hairdressers who shows a polite interest in your child is completely different.

You are implying that the person asking has an ulterior motive for asking and that is pretty offensive. Unless you are famous or have another reason to keep the school secret, it could come across as a bit self important or paranoid. You have every right to keep it private but people will definitely think it is a bit rude and annoying.

Why are you asking here OP? Clearly most people will think it’s odd because saying ‘I’d rather not say’ is not the norm, but who cares? If you don’t want to tell people which school your son goes to don’t.

My hairdresser asked and our sons go to the same school (also small town) and we had a really good conversation about the SEN provision at the school.

Most people are making conversation. They probably won’t remember, in an hour.

and even if they do, they probably couldn’t pick your child out of a line up.

Yeah it’s very weird. 🤣🤣🤣

So pick one further away in the next town that no one else will be travelling to. At one point I went to a lovely primary school 17 miles from home, but then I grew up in the sticks so everywhere was a bit of a distance. Was an arse of a school run for my poor mum! If questioned, say he wanted to go to school with his 'cousins' and 'auntie' does pick up or some shit.

Although you've made me realise that even though I now live anonymously in a city, that small town mental acrobatics lying you constantly have to do when you like your privacy never quite leaves you!

If I asked this question and the person avoided an answer I would think they were ashamed or had something to hide. Child in the care system would spring to mind. If your child attends a special needs school then I’d think you were ashamed of that.

If you are happy to stop a conversation dead in its tracks then fair enough. We are losing the art of conversation in society anyway - people wearing headphones, people finding it easier to communicate via social media than face to face. It’s a shame as having conversations used to be how we took an interest in people’s lives and found out information about the place we live in.

You do you but if people think you are unfriendly and uncommunicative as a result then so be it.