To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

This level of secrecy will only work until your child happily tells people themselves or until they are seen in the uniform.

Unless there is a genuine safeguarding concern I really wouldn’t choose this as the hill to die on.

Just out of interest - how do you answer? Do you literally say. I prefer not to tell you?

Yes very weird.

If the name of the school indicates DC’s special needs I can see you might not want to go there in casual conversation. Tricky. However refusing to say might just start speculation.

Shouting on the roof top to everyone, including many many strangers you’ve never met where your dcs is going to school isn’t the same than answering to ONE person you know.

This is weird.

I'd not say to strangers but would tell my hairdresser, she knows my whole life story 🤣

Do you never go anywhere after school with his uniform on? Or is he in camouflage?

My grandson has additional needs. I don't get asked about his school as he doesn't live locally. But when what he's doing comes up in small talk type chat, I'll mention this whenever it seems appropriate. Some really good conversations have emerged as a result. It seems as if most people somewhere have a child or a relative who is 'different' and they are usually very happy to share their stories.

If I was worried my hair dresser would hunt down and kills my kids, I would defo change hairdressers.

This!

Read it back OP and realise how absolutely ridiculous this sounds! If you replied that to me, I would think you were a total weirdo.

Presumably your child is at the school that helps him the most. I would be proud not embarrassed about that.

what a terrifying experience. I hope you reported him to the police.

But a tradesman could see the child’s uniform? Either in person or a picture… they could see certificates on the fridge, letters the side…they could know a friend of a friend etc… it’s not like the only what they’d know this vital piece of information only if you told them. Also it’s a bit of a stretch to think that someone who would be aggressive about being paid, what presumably he felt he was owed, would then kidnap your son if you didn’t pay. Or are you starring in a new itv drama?

This is ridiculous at first I thought you meant complete ransoms but the hairdresser etc. is just madness.

This is a good thread because it's really made me think - I always make small talk with mums and often ask 'what school are they at?' but only to make small talk - I don't mean anything sinister by it. Although I also understand not wanting to open up too much about your life in general - I think I'll be more mindful of asking in future actually.

A prime example of not being capable of critical thinking.

Then if they really want to know, they'll find out.

I don't think it is weird to want to keep things private but it would be weird to express it in such a blunt way - deflect the conversation first and under share before the point where it got to discussing where you son goes to school (which will just be chit chat). Don't discuss your family at all - deflect before this and keep conversation about TV/holidays/events/products/weather...

I overshared at the hairdresser yesterday - then I was asked a very direct question as a direct result of that (someone's name), which I didn't want to answer and I just deflected it. Hairdresser didn't really care but it just got too close for comfort and I suddenly realised I was oversharing and should shut up about that topic.

I think the OP might be saying she doesn't want to have to discuss his special needs and giving the school would lead into this. I understand op. It is hard to avoid though. I think I would try and own it and be confident as it makes it easier in the long run. I had this and it is tricky. I would come up with a pre prepared answer and then move the conversation on. E.g he attends x school which is a specialist one as he has some additional needs.

Your hairdresser doesn’t care. She’s just trying to be polite and make small talk. Swapping information about where your kids go to school is a normal subject for a lighthearted chat.

I would use this as an opportunity to think about your reasons for being so cagey. Are you embarrassed by the fact your child goes to a special school, or is it that the conversation is upsetting and triggering in some way? A lot of us have entrenched ableism and it’s good to examine those feelings (maybe in therapy?)

I’m not saying you are abelist. I think some SEN parents must feel that this is not how they want to be defined, or they just don’t have the energy to get into it. It’s hard being out of step with all the other parents, and it can be really lonely. I can totally see how at the hairdresser you might want a respite from your life, not a reminder of how difficult it is compared to the parents of children that are in mainstream.

Be kind to yourself. I see you even if other people here don’t

Well presumably there’s a limited number of schools he would go to then anyway, so if they were intent on causing harm they could find it anyway?

It’s none of her business. I totally understand your decision. 💐💐💐

I honestly don’t. It’s the laughing you do whilst shaking your head and sending prayers upwards to save us all from the madness.

If it's a small town and your DC wears a uniform, then anyone who sees you on the school run knows what school he goes to. Taking exception to ordinary small talk must be exhausting.