To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

100% agree, great analogy about the house burglary

That has been the case for some time with looked-after children, or those who have escaped from a domestic abuse situation, and their current whereabouts needs to be witheld for safeguarding reasons.

I think that other people have now perhaps jumped on that bandwagon and blank out the school logos on their kids' uniform as well, particularly if they are the sort of parents who are very active on social media.

Why would you think your hairdresser would not only target children but your child specifically??

If they were a predator they could target any school, so for the school info to be interesting to them they would need to be a predator + have an interest in your child specifically.
Get a grip…

You don’t have to tell people. They will just think you are odd though.

That's a factor affecting a small number of people which I'm going to say if relevant would have been mentioned by the OP.

I mean it's not something I've even thought about, I suppose context is everything, I wouldn't feel weird about telling my hairdresser but I have known her for about 12 years.

I think if you said this to me I wouldn't be offended or anything, it's your child and you have your reasons you know?

I have asked other parents what school their kids go to, it never even occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't but it's only to find out about their experience with the schools because I'm looking for my daughter at the moment.

It’s very weird to have a blanket policy of telling no one where your child goes to school.

If some random person came up to you in the park, and said “your son is very sweet, what school does he go to” then I can understand keeping it secret. But your hairdresser is just making conversation . Like when they say “are you going out tonight” they’re not planning to burgle your house. Nor do they really care whether or not you’re ready for Christmas !

How to turn mundane small talk into a massively awkward moment! She doesn't care. What happens if she bumps into you and your kids in school jumpers? Is that a safeguarding issue? What if she turns up at the nativity play to watch her nephew? I feel like the world is getting weirder. Of course don't plaster your kids photo or personal details all over the Internet but surely this is different?? If someone said that to me, I would assume they had made their family up and were now trying not to get caught out!

Also, MN being what it is, if you posted that your hairdresser wouldn't tell you what school her kids went to, AIBU to think she's being a weirdo, you'd have had a total pile on telling you its not your business, and that she's perfectly entitled to keep personal information private!

If I asked this as a way of making conversation and got that answer, I would feel that I was being rebuked for nosiness, or maybe even accused of something more sinister.

So that's what you've got to weigh up- is it important enough to you to risk offending people who are just being polite? Given that, as other PPs have pointed out, they can find out anyway just by passing him in the street, it seems excessive to me without more information.

But the calculation- based on the exact circumstances- is for you.

They’re just making conversation

Just because something is unusual, doesn't mean it's weird. You look after your son how you best see fit.

Personally, I understand that feeling of discomfort, but I can't face the awkwardness of making a big deal of it, so I usually just say it. If it were a total stranger on a bus or in a waiting room etc then I wouldn't say.

Are you trying to hide the fact that he has special needs? No judgement from me, I have a DC with autism. I try to educate others and normalise things when I can.
Be careful that your little one doesn't pick up on any negativity, all kids can be very proud of their schools.

If someone told me their DC's school in small talk, then I'd probably have forgotten two minutes later.
If they made it a huge secret, then I saw them in uniform or something else that gave it away I'd be far more likely to remember it.

And if someone wanted to know for bad reasons they'd be able to find out easily without asking.

I used to be vague with clients at work, or sometimes have even said I wasn't allowed to disclose. I worked with families, often where parents had concerning behaviours, and it wasn't unknown for us to be threatened/stalked. I voted YANBU, as I feel you should use your gut instinct, and judge each situation as it comes as a parent.
FWIW - hairdressers are the experts on small talk, and that wouldn't bother me at all. It's a fairly normal chat with or about a child, when parent is there.

Unusual but your choice which should be accepted.

I think it's overly protective and paranoid behaviour, to be honest.

I think that's very specific to areas which have had sectarian problems. There's no indication of that here.

I totally understand blocking out school logos on photos. Those could be shared with anyone and the general audience is much wider.

But not answering a simple question asked by someone in a one to one situation is a bit odd if there are no safeguarding concerns. To be honest they're just making small talk.....they couldn't actually give a toss where your child goes to school!

I totally agree with PPs that I would assume your child was adopted if you said that to me as it only my two friends with adopted children that lock down this information so completely.

Having grown up in Northern Ireland during the worst of the Troubles I still, even today, would not normally ask anyone what school their child / grandchild attends, as they might think I’m trying to find out if they are Protestant or Catholic and wouldn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn't tell people which primary school my children went to (it was a shit school academically but pastoral care was good) so I was embarrassed to send them there. DH thought it was a brilliant place. So easier to keep the peace, home school the main subjects and the timings fitted around my part time job.
I tell people they were home edded at primary level

Is your child very famous?

Yes, it’s weird. I have family who pose an actual danger to my children, like criminal convictions, safeguarding issues, we are NC and they do not even know what part of the country we live in. I don’t post photos on social media that give away where my dc go to school (though my social media is private with no access to anyone who has contact with my family). But it wouldn’t stop me telling Brenda who I got chatting with at Co-op where my dc go to school. 😂 Brenda does not want to kidnap my children and school has very tight security. I can’t even get in to drop off a forgotten bag!

Speaking from personal experience, if your dc are likely to be harmed, it will almost certainly be by someone trusted who is close to you already and at home or at a home you feel comfortable with them spending time in. Not at school.

I think it's a perfectly normal and innocuous question.

It sounds like it has triggered negative feelings you personally have about the school and/or the reasons your child attends.

My child doesn't attend a special school but they do go to autism projects. Talking about these things spreads awareness and helps reduce prejudice.

actual out loud laughing here