To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

@TeenToTwenties

Even then, I wouldn't refuse to answer, I'd be vague 'oh he isn't at school in SmallTown, he is in LargerPlace, all a bit complicated' which answers without answering iyswim.

That doesn't answer anything. What's complicated? That just invites questions or confusion.

I'd say "he's at a SEN school in X town."
Hairdresser (not actually listening): "ah that's nice and does he like school? What age is he?"

It's normal banal chit chat.
🤷🏻‍♀️

How weird. Do you cover him with a large blanket when he leaves the house and returns in uniform lest the neighbours might identify his school? Are you ashamed that he goes to an SEN school?

I don't get the blurring out of the school logo on social media either. It's very easy to work out the town I live in based on my social media likes and friends, and there's only one school in the area where they wear burgundy uniforms, so it's obvious she goes to school there.

But if the child goes to a SEN school (list teack if he does or not) it makes a difference.

Even then, I wouldn't refuse to answer, I'd be vague 'oh he isn't at school in SmallTown, he is in LargerPlace, all a bit complicated' which answers without answering iyswim.

For everyone on the thread who agrees with the OP:

Where do you live?

I live in a very small town and it would be utterly batshit not to answer such a benign question. Your child is seen in their uniform from one of the only 2 schools and everyone knows everyone. You lot must live in big cities with no community to expect such a bizarre level of anonymity for your family.

Feel sad for you all.

Yes, but on the internet! Often because a child is adopted, or in care etc and there’s a risk of contact from or abduction by birth family or an estranged parent. There are many reasons not to put photos of your child on the internet, or to blur identifying elements of school uniform. None of which are relevant to whether you should decline to answer a bit of casual chit chat from your hairdresser! Unless you think your hairdresser is an abduction risk.

A bit OTT OP. If it’s a general conversation and it comes up, no biggie. If it’s random, not someone I am engaged in small talk then it’s a tad weird.

You're wierd as well 😆!

Yep, you're wierd. I'd be really offended if I was making polite conversation with someone, generally discussing schools etc and the person refused to tell me which school their kid was at. I would think that the parent didn't trust me, and that they were scared I was planning on kidnapping their DC or something 🙄

It's just idle small talk.

I went to a new hairdresser a couple of weeks ago and she asked me what school my kids go to.

I pointed out the window and said that one.

Yes this salon is literally over the road from my kids school, but no doubt she forgot this 3 minutes later because she dosnt actually care. It was just chit chat.

I'm not sure what you think will happen if a stranger knows what school your kids go to. Do you put a bag on their heads to walk in the gates?

Your response would go in one of your hairdresser's ears and straight out the other.

People just ask questions and say things in order to navigate social life with other human beings.

No one gives a flying fuck where your son goes to school really. They just need things to say so we can all rub along together in society. See also: any plans for the weekend? You going on holiday this year? Etc etc.

It's a matter of your privacy and that of your family.

Most schools are like fort Knox these days anyway. I recently went for an interview at a school and had to provide ID on arrival ( not for right to work checks this was just to access the building despite being chaperoned / hosted at all times)

Not like a random weirdo could gain access in any case

I don’t like that question because my DC goes to a private school and most people I know their children go to a state school. I always worry people make judgment on us especially in current climate
there seems to be so much negativity about private schools.

Is it because it’s a special school?

Why not just lie instead of making it awkward for you both?

How or more importantly why would the hairdresser be telling the world about inconsequential salon chit chat. Unless the OP has a stalker or other dangerous person she hasnt mentioned what are the circumstances that would lead to a negative event at 3.30m

Not unreasonable, especially if/ when your child is old enough to travel alone - the world doesn't need to know where he'll be at 3.30pm Mon - Fri 38 weeks of the year. The same way you'd be vague about holiday dates leaving your house empty.

If you’re getting your haircut in this small town, guaranteed everyone will know who you are and what school your kid goes to anyway. Hairdressers are notorious for gossip and you’re just adding fuel to the fire by not answering questions. Someone will know you and tell all and if they don’t, they’ll pretend to and make the rest up. You’re a little weird tbh.

I think you're trying to be funny, ha ha bloody ha. I can assure you that if you were ever in that situation, whereby a man with half an ear and his big mate have forced you to a cashpoint, after trashing your house, your mind would be fearing allsorts. I know it sounds unbelievable, and before it happened to me I also would have thought, oh really? But in the moment, I was terrified for myself, my family, my house, my life.
This is off-topic, sorry to OP, I shared my experience to try and give a valid reason why not over-sharing might be wise.

Id imagine that when NI folk talk to each other they are all aware of the sensitivities, I think I can guarantee that I won't ever be in a situation where I'd need to remember that

So in say a work chat people are talking about their birthdays and someone ask when yours is what do you answer?

OP, you don't want to share those details and that should be sufficient.

I don't divulge personal details in public/on social media, whenever I can avoid it. Especially the people who ask, "When's your birthday?" or those memes that resemble common security questions.

There are reasons identity theft etc. is so easy. And you can't always distinguish between the people who have no boundaries when asking questions and those with different intentions.

There are several previous social conventions that don't work well in a hyperconnected world with cybersecurity that is repeatedly and demonstrably inefficient.

Yes, it is weird. People must wonder what on earth you’ve got to hide.

It's up to you, but it sounds like you are maybe ashamed that he has special needs or are afraid of you or him being judged. People asking about his school are most likely just looking for common ground or a conversation opener.

But important for everyone to remember