Page 5 | To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

alba146 · 2024-10-11T20:07:10+00:00

Hi everyone, So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc. I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping. So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do. I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵&zwj;💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?). So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️). So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️&zwj;🩹

FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals · 11/10/2024 23:00

sprigatito · 11/10/2024 21:10

Your husband should be taking the time off if there's no other option, unless he's literally on the international space station or in the Mariana Trench! He's as much a parent as you are.

If you really have no other choice, I'd take her with you. It's understandable that they discourage it, but there are plenty of single parents etc who don't have access to a babysitter and that isn't an acceptable reason to deny you healthcare.

This - if you were in your husband's job, would you just not have the scan because work comes first? He has to take the couple of hours off if the scan is necessary for HIS and your baby because if he doesn't take the minimum time to look after his (and your) toddler the scan probably won't happen, exactly as if you didn't go yourself.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/10/2024 22:59

DniHnly · 11/10/2024 22:56

This. It's selfish.

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It's not selfish. Yes, there may be women getting bad news, but they will also be faced with pregnant women, babies and toddlers from the moment they walk out the door. Just because they have had a loss, doesn't mean everyone else's life doesn't continue, I've suffered loss myself, and would never expect others to hide away so as not to trigger me, that's just ridiculous.

Miniopolis · 11/10/2024 22:58

Jooliuy · 11/10/2024 21:12

As much as other people can get on their high horse about it, I'd just take her.
Getting paid childcare isn't as simple as all that, leaving her with a stranger could be very distressing.
What else can you do?

I agree. People are always shitty about this on here.

CrispieCake · 11/10/2024 22:57

Lavender14 · 11/10/2024 21:43

I think you're really between a rock and a hard place here op and I do think some of the responses you've got on here are unnecessarily harsh.

I also wouldn't be comfortable leaving my child with a stranger - unsettling for the child at best, unsafe at worst.

I think asking your nursery if anyone does private babysitting is your best option in this scenario. Otherwise I'd be asking to rearrange the scan.

I do understand why children aren't allowed but I do think there will be some parents out there who need a degree of flexibility on this to be able to manage. For example it can be really difficult to find babysitting that's suitable for a child with additional needs - in that scenario does a single parent just not access healthcare?

We know women take on the lions share of caring responsibilities, we also know that maternity care is crucial for mum and baby's safety so to me women shouldn't be in a position where they are forced to choose between the safety of their unborn child/themselves and the safety of their older child. There should be a degree of discretion provided people are not taking the piss with it.

This.

stichguru · 11/10/2024 22:57

I hope you manage to work something out. I sympathise with you because good childcare is majorly hard to find. They won't want a child there because of people getting awful news and I don't think they would break that rule unless you were having a medical emergency right then. I am not making any judgement about what you should do, only you can weight up the risks of having the scan later, or leaving your child with a child carer you hardly know. However don't work on the assumption that if you've tried really hard to get childcare and so they will just have to let you bring your child. Work on the assumption that if you bring the child, you won't have the scan until they have another date available.

DniHnly · 11/10/2024 22:56

BeardieWeirdie · 11/10/2024 21:16

You can’t take a toddler. The people measuring your baby can’t do their job with a toddler around; you might hear the worst; other women being told they have lost their much wanted baby deserve to not have a toddler around. Surely you have some mum friends who could watch your toddler for an hour, either at their house or could come to the hospital with you? A retired neighbour? I get it, I’ve no family living anywhere nearby but I’ve also heard the worst at an ultrasound and that experience is not helped by those thinking it’s a nice jolly day out for all the family.

This. It's selfish.

Casuallydresseddeepinconversation · 11/10/2024 22:55

I'm a single mum with no friends or family,I have a 16 month old, for my 12 week scan 2 weeks ago I left her with a childminder, she did initially cry when I left her and ended up being there for 3 hours but she survived, needs must

MumChp · 11/10/2024 22:55

Skibideetoilet · 11/10/2024 22:46

Or they are mumsnetters 😅

Imagine ‘school mum I don’t even talk to that much has just dropped on me if I can watch her toddler whilst she attends hospital appt. It’s all a bit last-minute and I don’t really want to. AIBU to not agree?’

All the replies would be ‘What a CF’ ‘No is a full sentence!’ ‘I’d be seriously unimpressed at their lack of organisation. I would never be so ill prepared’ ‘If you don’t want to then that is good reason enough. Assert your FIRM CLEAR BOUNDARIES’ ‘would she have the same time and availability to help you? If not then I wouldn’t help her’ and so on and so on.. 🙃

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Or a "yes, I can do that".

We have helped different neighbours and mums at the school run gates with last minute child care more than once. And dog care too.
People know we have 3 children ourselves (two left home for university) so maybe we seem safe to ask. And my husband has all the vetting as a teacher and I have first aid as a RN.

Avariceagain · 11/10/2024 22:54

It might be worth trying your nursery again on the day- if one of the other kids calls in sick or is on holiday they might be able to take your little one instead! I did this with mine once when I was really ill, DH was away and I was desperate!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/10/2024 22:53

I really don't get why they are so strict about this, I remember as a child attending my Mum's US scans.

My eldest child was at all of my midwife appointments as I had a homebirth but she also attended any hospital appointments I had. It didn't occur to me that she may not be allowed, and the midwives never mentioned it as being a problem.

Anyway, tell the woman, you either are bringing toddler, or she cancels the appointment. You do not need permission to cancel an appointment. No aspect of maternity care in the UK is compulsory, you are free to cancel as you wish.

It's not that easy to magic up childcare, something many posters can't seem to comprehend.

Gogogo12345 · 11/10/2024 22:52

Pandasnacks · 11/10/2024 22:14

Imagine the bug spreading in that crèche though

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Why any more bugs in that cresche rather than any other? The kids aren't ill

MrsR87 · 11/10/2024 22:49

alba146 · 11/10/2024 22:33

Thanks for all the replies! Really helped me out. And really reassured me I'm not the only one in this situation, so thank you ❤️

I do think it's crazy how much hospitals differ, some don't seem bothered at all some turn you away! I do definitely understand the reasons, I don't want to be ignorant, I've experienced pregnancy loss myself. But it is one of those things and I think whatever choice is made, there's a chance someone will be upset. But all I can do is do my best in the situation.

For those asking if I REALLY don't have anyone who can watch my child. I really don't unfortunately. And I get that that sounds really sad. But it's just my reality and I'm used to it. I have 3 friends, my in laws, and my aunt and uncle. That really is it ❤️‍🩹 everyone deserves a village and I'm glad that the people in these comments don't have to deal with only having a handful of family and friends because it's super hard. Sending love to everyone in a similar situ xx

I really hope it all works out for you and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time in this thread.

It really does take a village and unfortunately not all of us have one. I’ve been in a very similar position to you before but fortunately my DH work allowed him to reschedule his trip to the week after! My son was 18 months at the time and there’s no way I’d have left him with a babysitter I hadn’t had the time to get to know so I’m with you on that. And we’re in a similar position - all our family and friends are usually in a position where they would not be able to help us. I find it bizarre that some people find it hard to believe this.

LucyLocketLovesPollyPocket · 11/10/2024 22:47

Sweepsthepillowclean · 11/10/2024 21:50

Your child was there when you gave birth??

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Mine was, home birth. Surprisingly, no child care for dc1, not much choice. It was actually brilliant. I got a post shower birth and then ate domino's pizza in bed while breastfeeding dc2 and cuddling dc1. Fecking perfect.

Skibideetoilet · 11/10/2024 22:46

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/10/2024 22:19

Well I imagine a lot of them are all at work. I wouldn’t just be able to find someone.

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Or they are mumsnetters 😅

Imagine ‘school mum I don’t even talk to that much has just dropped on me if I can watch her toddler whilst she attends hospital appt. It’s all a bit last-minute and I don’t really want to. AIBU to not agree?’

All the replies would be ‘What a CF’ ‘No is a full sentence!’ ‘I’d be seriously unimpressed at their lack of organisation. I would never be so ill prepared’ ‘If you don’t want to then that is good reason enough. Assert your FIRM CLEAR BOUNDARIES’ ‘would she have the same time and availability to help you? If not then I wouldn’t help her’ and so on and so on.. 🙃

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/10/2024 22:39

Most say no incase of loss of a baby or find our something majorally medically wrong

I have known people to be turned away

I get you don't want a stranger looking after your child but all on apps and agencies will be checked refs - dbs / first aid etx

They could come with you and look after your child in the waiting room in full sight of people

I'm on apps like that - I've done short term emergency work

Or ask about on local Fb town group
For nannys /babysitters people reconmend

It's good to have back up of friends /paid childcare

Hope all goes well with scan

Investinmyself · 11/10/2024 22:35

I’d speak to nursery staff and see if they or anyone they know babysits.
Try facebook local for babysitter recommendations. My teen used to babysit for a local couple. She was approached via a friend of a friend.

YourLastNerve · 11/10/2024 22:34

My friend had a similar situation and used Sitters.

Original poster

alba146 · 11/10/2024 22:33

Thanks for all the replies! Really helped me out. And really reassured me I'm not the only one in this situation, so thank you ❤️

I do think it's crazy how much hospitals differ, some don't seem bothered at all some turn you away! I do definitely understand the reasons, I don't want to be ignorant, I've experienced pregnancy loss myself. But it is one of those things and I think whatever choice is made, there's a chance someone will be upset. But all I can do is do my best in the situation.

For those asking if I REALLY don't have anyone who can watch my child. I really don't unfortunately. And I get that that sounds really sad. But it's just my reality and I'm used to it. I have 3 friends, my in laws, and my aunt and uncle. That really is it ❤️‍🩹 everyone deserves a village and I'm glad that the people in these comments don't have to deal with only having a handful of family and friends because it's super hard. Sending love to everyone in a similar situ xx

OP posts:

Waffle78 · 11/10/2024 22:30

I took DS to most my scans even when partner went with us he came in with us. Just sat him in his buggy with a book he was fine. I had a low lieing placenta I had to be scanned every week from I think it was 30 weeks. That was back in 2001 though so I'm guessing things are different now.

sleepdeprivationismyname · 11/10/2024 22:30

Imagine you are at a scan and get bad news, very bad news, and the first thing you see is another pregnant lady with her toddler. Do not bring them. My doctor had this rule for this reason.

Nosleepforthismum · 11/10/2024 22:28

Vimto1991 · 11/10/2024 21:57

Hey, why don’t you call and tell them you can only do it on the two days your daughter is in nursery? If it’s within 7 days of a certain date surely that covers a day she is at nursery, therefore you have childcare. They said they can’t really cancel, and you can’t go with your toddler, so they’ll have to try and fit you in on those days?

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This sounds very sensible. There are also the babysitting apps like Sitters who I’ve used a couple of times with no dramas. In our area at least, there are lots of professionals that already work in childcare but do babysitting on the side as well. Most of them advertise their availability for emergency childcare and whenever I’ve used them, they do an introductory phone call but apart from that they turn up and you leave them to it.

Tiredofallthis101 · 11/10/2024 22:28

Just a thought re the above- in extremis if consultant secretary says no could you use the Bubble app to arrange a babysitter that could wait at the hospital with your toddler? So only with them for half an hour or so in a public place? Feels a bit mad but maybe a way to guarantee your appointment goes ahead.

Rainbowbub22 · 11/10/2024 22:27

I asked at our local hospital ultra sound department why children are not allowed, they are not even allowed in the department, not just the scanning rooms. One of the sonographer's told me it's because they have to give a lot of people sad news that their babies have died and the last thing they want is for grieving people to come out of the room and see a small child after being given this terrible news. That is the reason in the area I live. To be fair I do agree with the rule for this reason

MumChp · 11/10/2024 22:26

Mama2many73 · 11/10/2024 22:23

I can honestly say I have never, and none if my family or friends have ever used a babysitter from an app. My dsis used a neighbours daughter as a babysitter 30yrs ago but I've not heard of anyone doing this now. Safeguarding is too high profile for frie ds /teenagers nowaday and there is NO way on earth I'd leave my child with literally a stranger regardless of checks and certificates they may have.

Maybe in certain parts of the country this is more commonplace but not where we live.

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Tbh I think it's pretty safe to leave the child with an agency vetted babysitter in the waiting room or the hospital café.

Hrf1503 · 11/10/2024 22:25

What… why can’t you bring a toddler? I had mine at my last scan (which is when I sadly found out I’d had a miscarriage).

But also try the Bubble app for on demand DBS checked babysitters. I haven’t used it yet myself but friends have and it’s been great.