To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

I doubt it. She's already rung them to ask and they've confirmed no kids. There's no point on keeping asking them. No means no

So what’s your suggestion? She doesn’t get a growth scan she needs for her baby? Magically makes childcare appear?

Hugs to you OP some people don’t appreciate how lucky they are, we don’t all have a huge friendship group or family on our doorstep! Might be worth asking on Facebook or any local mums, our babysitter used to work at my daughters nursery and will often have a day off in the week so has helped with midweek babysitting in the past.

I was in a similar situation during Covid, pregnant with my second and a SAHM to my first. My husband was deployed with the military and we had just moved to a small town & didn’t know many people as socialising was slow due to the lockdowns! The midwife was categorical about me not being able to bring my daughter in her pushchair to an appt, even though I literally had no one. I saw people get turned away for scans/appointments for the same reason. The absolute blessing was meeting a mum (socially distanced!) in the park whose daughter was a similar age and also pregnant with her second. We would arrange appts one after another and then have both toddlers in the car park and then swap! It was nuts. The midwife, despite working in a military town near a base with lots of military housing, was so unsympathetic! I get it was covid but even a bit of understanding would have helped.

Really hope you get somewhere, it’s frustrating and beyond your control!

You're the one who is being ridiculous and wasting professionals' time with your demands that sensible and proportionate rules shouldn't apply to you.

They have to concentrate on the scan? What if they miss an important detail because your toddler is whining?

The waiting room is literally full of pregnant people. It’s not on the OP to be protecting other people from their grief in that scenario.

There were toddlers in the waiting room at all my growth scans. Really annoying when we’d gone out of our way to arrange childcare and double checked with the unit who said you definitely can’t. The reality is, some people do and they don’t stop you.

They need to concentrate and a toddler in the room won't be ideal. Can they rearrange for a nursery day?

Please do factor in that you could have a very long wait.

That's one of the things that both makes it hard to take the toddler (they'll be playing up a lot after a bored hour being kept quiet in the waiting-room) and to organise childcare (if you do, it might be sensible to book an extra couple of hours just in case).

I’d just take your toddler OP. What if you organised a sitter but they were sick an hour before- you’d have no choice, it must happen. Of course they have the rule in place for completely understandable reasons, and you wouldn’t take them if you didn’t have another option- but I’m sure this must happen a lot, and I can’t believe they refuse to see all of those cases. I think if they start the scan and a child is walking round the room/being disruptive- they’d probably have to tell you they can’t carry out the scan and you’d have to leave- but if you know you can distract them with something, it’s worth a try.

I'd just ring and say you cannot get childcare so please cancel my scan. I imagine they'll tell you to take her

@DancingNotDrowning This is incredibly unfair. We don’t know what @alba146 DH actually does for work or what his circumstances are.

My DH works away and while he would legally be allowed the time off for appointments, he’s offshore so it’s not feasible for him to “take a few hours off” or “take the day off”. He’d have to be helicoptered off, then have a 6 hour drive home.
He’d have to be replaced in the vessel which means losing the rest of that work trip and therefore, the pay as he’d only be paid for the appointment day and not subsequent days missed. Or he’d go back to a different vessel and therefore a different work rotation which would then throw off our whole family schedule and everything else that I’ve scheduled during his hometime to allow us to have childcare in place would be thrown off.

I get it @alba146 - I don’t have a village either. We have no family nearby. I hope you get it sorted. Are there any nursery staff possibly on their day off that you may be able to pay as a one-off? That would probably have to be my go-too if I could.
Oh, I’m also 50 min drive each Way to our maternity hospital so it’s not just an hours childcare like most are suggesting!

Take your toddler OP. Hopefully on the day you get someone less officious than the person you spoke to on the phone. ❤️
Obviously it’s not ideal to have kids at scans for a range of reasons, but sometimes needs must. It’s a medical appointment like any other and it’s ridiculous that hospitals are quite so precious about it.
Many of the replies on this thread are also ridiculous. Pay no attention OP.
x

This was about 6 years ago, but when I had a toddler I needed an emergency ultrasound, it was obviously a last minute thing, I couldn't get any childcare. I was told I couldn't bring any children with me but I had no choice - when I arrived with him they arranged a member of staff to look after him while I had the procedure, she got him to do some drawing and gave him some fruit and all was well. This wasn't a pregnancy related scan though so not a sensitive issue taking children.

I think talk to the nursery again and ask to be put on a waitlist - someone may call in sick for example. I would ask the staff and parents if they know of any reliable babysitters.

I would ask family and friends again. Your DH may need to help locate someone too. Make sure he asks anyone that could help, between the two of you hopefully you can rustle someone up.

Last resort is that you may need to take DC but I wouldn’t do this unless I truly had exhausted all other options.

I understand how it can be hard though, we have no help from anyone at all for our toddler DD except daycare.

😂😂😂 lighten up for goodness sake. It's beautiful, natural and part of our life cycle*. My toddler was in the birth pool with me, years later she has very fond memories of being there at her sister's birth. Nothing inappropriate about such a wonderful part of our lives.

*obviously not all births, I'm just fondly remembering my last birth.

Oh and by the way, having 9 months to sort child care doesn't always mean a solution will be found. We had no one local to us to be there to help with childcare, the one friend I had lined up was on holiday and could do it from a certain date, but baby decided to come the day before. My parents live in a different country, and even had they come over, we ended up having a death in the family, so they were actually at the funeral the day I gave birth. We had our homebirth with our toddler there, then after the birth when I had to transfer in, toddler was allowed to stay with me, baby and husband in my room on the labour ward. She was good as gold and not an eyelid was batted.

I know TA who supplements her income by working extra on sitters.co.uk. She told me that most bookings are last minute/ ad hoc. She babysat at hotels, for doctors, etc.. So it's quite common and wide spread for emergencies.

I took my toddler and explained no childcare, they said that if they started being loud or crying they would have to stop the scan I advised I understood. They were in their pram and I gave them a snack and a drink and had them next to the bed so I could entertain them. It was fine x

If I were in your position, I would just cancel the scan rather than stress yourself out over it, and rearrange for when your DH is free and just hope for the best. Yes, it might be optimal to have a scan at a particular point in time, but the reality is that they will fit you in if you need to delay.

I say this as someone who has walked out on antenatal appointments three times during my second (difficult) pregnancy to collect my older child from preschool. In all three cases, I had booked the appointment leaving plenty of time to collect the older one, but backlogs and overrunning appointments meant I was still waiting when I had to leave. After my first experience, I had let the staff know in advance that I'd have to go at a certain time, and when that time came I just walked out despite the receptionists insisting I stay and magic someone out of thin air to collect my child.

Even if you booked and paid for childcare for a certain timeframe, that is no guarantee that they will actually see you within that timeframe and the childcare won't be wasted.

Childcare.co.uk is good, I wouldn’t just leave with someone new though, but for the future.

Could you pay instead for a private growth scan at a time you can attend, and have them print all the info so you can give it to your midwife. They can accept that, I have done it.

I imagine the OP hadn't considered that. Let's hope she reads your suggestion.

Well, if he worked for a UK based company in middle management and was occasionally sent to work in the Edinburgh office instead of I’d usual London base, I’m sure the Edinburgh trip could be rescheduled.

But if he is in a senior position and going to meet customers in Japan for a week to finalise a multi million pound deal, I can understand thinking ‘I’ll deal with that when I get back’.

There is also definitely the expectation, rightly or wrongly, in some companies that work comes first, even above your own health. There is a reason that some people get burn out and some people are ridiculously over paid. It is still possible (and expected) in some roles to opt out of the 40 hour work week.

Well, they can say no to both I guess.

It it’s important to try and build up a network of a few ad hoc child carers. There are many agencies and websites, and you can get people over when you don’t need them so that you can get to know them. There are some parts of the country with less availability but some nurseries do offer emergency cover also.

A few years ago I miscarried on the day of my 12 week scan, and it was in the process of happening whilst in the scan waiting room. There was a mum with her toddler there who was bouncing around excited to "see" her new baby sibling. I was in agony and hid it so as to not to scare the little girl, but actually seeing her so happy was a nice distraction. I had to have a few scans, surgery, and appointments, because there were complications. I saw many toddlers (including my own) and pregnant women in that time, including friends who went on to have successful pregnancies when I did not.

It was hard but I in no way blamed or resented the women without childcare for bringing their toddlers along. When you suffer a loss, your world stops for a little while, but everyone else's carries on and you can't stop that.

I think you have got some harsh replies on here OP. Those without childcare shouldn't have to miss their OWN appointments.

What used to boil my blood was when women would bring their whole families to appointments, and would fill the waiting rooms up with numerous children and other adults, and not leaving seats free for pregnant women and those going through a shitty time.

Good luck with your scan.

She's already said that that isn't an option as he's away with work for the whole week. So it's not 'simple as that'

what do we think H would do if he had chest pains and needed his own scan, or fell over and needed an x-ray? Presumably he’d find the time to do this. So he needs to do the same for his wife.

if he’s in UK he’s entitled to time off for his wife’s antenatal appointment and emergency parental leave.