To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

I would go back to the nursery she already goes to and try to get them to take her explaining the situation

They won't have a relationship with your child like someone who looks after them on a regular basis. Nursery has settling in sessions where parents can stay while the child gets used to it and parents can ask questions etc... I've never used a childminder but I assume there's also things in place for them to get to know your child initially and then have an ongoing relationship.

There's no way I'd download an app for someone who I'd never met, who didn't know my child to take care of them for a one off hospital appointment. I've only ever asked grandparents and enrolled my son in nursery.

Try the bubble app,or care.com

That’s awful. I’m sorry to hear that. Have you spoken to your local Maternity Voices Partnership at all? I’m pretty sure that ours would like to hear about it, even after 4 years have passed. It might not be too late for the physio for the physical health. Maybe you can ask the GP to refer you now the little one is in school. Be kind to yourself. It’s hard to fight your corner when you’re already struggling. But yes, the whole ‘computer says no’ situation is very frustrating.

I think some people here live on another planet. Even if the DH is technically entitled to attend the appointment (which he wouldn’t be doing, he’d be caring for DC1), are people really so blind as to how this can affect his career that the entire family rely on?! Pregnant Then Screwed exists for a reason (and yes I know aimed at mothers but the point stands) - employers aren’t always particularly keen on those who decide to enforce their rights to the inconvenience of everyone else. As for Unions, who benefits from these magical bodies that apparently sort all our problems?! The vast majority of people I know are not in professions with a Union.
OP, I could easily find myself in this situation and I empathise. I don’t have family nearby (and most are dead anyway), my friends have full time jobs so would not be available to randomly babysit during the day, etc. Most people I know don’t know their neighbours more than friendly chat and it would be pretty weird to foist a toddler on them. If you’ve never left your hometown and have a lot of family and friends close by then of course it’s easy to get help, but many people don’t have that and it shouldn’t be hard to understand.

@Zanatdy it wouldn't be 2 hours like you said though would it? And she's said that isn't happening.

I know, but why should work trump the health of the baby. If the scan needs to be done in 7 days then it needs to be done for a reason. Cancelling it wouldn’t be recommended. I’m sure that he could get out of it if he wanted, if he was sick he couldn’t go. He wouldn’t be sacked for needing time off as his wife has an urgent medical appointment. Men always say they can’t possibly do it.

True yes good point

@ahemfem he wouldn't be attending the appointment anyway would he? If he was the kid would be going too. OP has already covered this point anyway, it's not happening.

@northernredrose It’s ridiculous that there isn’t something in place for situations like this really isn’t it? There really are people who have nobody.
I had a difficult birth with DS and needed quite intense physio afterwards. My hospital is a 50 min drive each way, appointments were 45 mins long, and I was to go twice a week for 6 weeks from when he was 4 weeks old. It was during covid and DH was stuck offshore abroad as an “essential worker”. He physically could not travel home due to restrictions at the time. I literally had nobody that could look after my child. We have no family around us. Plus he was exclusively breastfed and wouldn’t accept a bottle. I wasn’t allowed to take him to my appointments. I phoned and begged for an exception due to my circumstances and was flat out told “no” as they didn’t allow children at the appointments. I just had to ask them to cancel all appointments.

It made a really difficult time even worse and my mental health suffered hugely as well as my physical health - which I still suffer with now 4 years later as a result of not being able to attend my physio.

You only get two so not very helpful for a growth scan.

He'll have to not then. He's entitled to attend appointments

When you have very limited/no support from family or friends you really need to find a few paid local babysitters to have on hand for situations such as this or just so yourself and your DH can go out together. Check local news boards - a college student, a retired person, a person who does ad-hoc babysitting. Staff from nursery. A neighbour. Word of mouth.

Read OPs posts, he's away with work for the full week.

But he's away with work. She's said. So taking 2 hours off would actually mean potentially 2 days off travelling back from the trip and back again. If the scan is in the middle of the week and he's far away he's potentially having to miss the entire trip to male it work. Which his employer isn't impressed with

Your DH will just have to tell his work that he has to take 2hrs off, its for the safety of the baby. If you genuinely have no friends locally who can help.

This really annoys me about hospitals. They’ve shown no flexibility at all, but it’s too far in advance to be able to get emergency dependant leave from work. Which you can’t use immediately when someone is working away anyway. No responsible childcare provider would take a child they’ve never met. And most relatives or friends will struggle to get work off at such late notice too. I’d be tempted to ring in the morning and say that your childcare is too unwell to take them or fell through, is it urgent enough that you can just bring them or can you rearrange? Maybe then they’ll budge on the 7 day requirement. Or can your husband speak to his union for support. Maybe there is something he can apply for. My husband’s work were more supportive than we expected when we needed extra appointments in my second pregnancy. Good luck OP! I’m sure you don’t need this additional stress from the hospital. I think they forget that patients are real people sometimes.

My mum is a receptionist in the ultrasound department at our local hospital. The same rule applies no children allowed and she also has to phone patients the day before their appointment to remind them of this. Doesn't stop people turning up with their partner and child anyway (sometimes with grandparents/aunts/uncles/full family and then they kick off that everyone isn't allowed in to watch the scan 🙄) but in cases where the woman literally has no childcare her boss will make an exception.

Is there someone who could come with you to the hospital and watch your toddler in the waiting room while you go in for your scan? I'm thinking a teenager or retired neighbour. You could ask on local social media.

It's easier than leaving a child with someone they don't know for 2 hours.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-right-for-fathers-and-partners-to-attend-antenatal-appointments

Your DH has the legal right to time off work to attend the appointment with you.

I would rearrange the appointment to when your family is back off holiday, rather than going all that way to get turned away. I have a child now but I found out one of my babies heart beat had stooped at one of my growth scans. This is why i fully understand children not being allowed. When things like that happen it's highly emotional and the staff have to talk to you about next steps etc. I wouldn't have wanted my child to see me in that state and it is awful for other women going through that to see children around the scan centre.

Just a thought, could you ask if your nursery could recommend anyone?

OP, is it a growth scan for iugr? Where in the uk are you? If Edinburgh I could bring my two year old and have her and him in hospital cafe for an hour. Totally get I am a randomer from the internet too though.

You have to either pay for childcare or get a friend to look after her. At my trust they refuse to scan you. They have said no and there are good reasons why they don't want toddlers there. Yabu

Those are the options yes.