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To be annoyed by hearing my DH saycomplishment today is making you laugh - to his work colleague

137 replies

Yuai · 11/10/2024 20:55

My DH has a female work colleague with whom he has become increasingly friendly. They often chat when he’s WFH. I overheard a few interesting comments from him to her over time, but today, I overheard him saying to her: “I achieved something today, and that’s “her name” to make you laugh and put a smile on your face”. WTAF. They are both in highly professional-level roles. I personally wouldn’t dare make these kinds of comments to my colleagues. I asked them about his comment, and he said she’s a very close and supportive colleague. Frankly, he’s been very moody before becoming friends with her, so in a way, having her makes his highly stressful job manageable and improves his mood. But is this too much? He said some other questionable things to her too..

OP posts:
Sepoctnov · 11/10/2024 22:04

He's flirting with her. Walking around the garden, chatting to her and wheeling out these lines? I'd have told him to get the fuck inside and stop giving the neighbours the cringe.

Seriously though, sounds like he's getting a bit too familiar with her. I would watch and wait but be preparing for some serious words.

35965a · 11/10/2024 21:58

LifeExperience · 11/10/2024 21:21

He's being flirtatious and has "mentionitis" about her. You need to have a serious talk.

This ^

POTC · 11/10/2024 21:56

@onwardsup4 as I said, I've said similar and had it said to me, nothing flirty about it, just a friendly comment

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 11/10/2024 21:35

Completely not ok.

I met my partner at work. It started like this - minus the married.

Horses7 · 11/10/2024 21:33

I think you need a chat with him - I wouldn’t be happy and you obviously have concerns.
Having said that I doubt my husband would be happy if I was so friendly with a male colleague and looking for things that would put a smile on my colleagues face.

DoYouReally · 11/10/2024 21:30

I think it a massive overreaction.

A colleague told me today that "he wouldn't know what he would do without me". I found the error is his spreadsheet that he spend hours trying to sort out.

If you are his wife, you would be filing divorce papers right now.

Colleagues can get on well without having affairs.

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:28

5128gap · 11/10/2024 21:23

When he's in the garden laughing on the phone and you look at him, does it look the same as when he's chatting to a male colleague/friend? When you hear him, is his tone the same as he uses with men?

I saw him from the kitchen window as he has a garden office. He looked happy chatting to her…He’s always down but very happy when talking to her.

OP posts:
PicturePlace · 11/10/2024 21:26

Jesus Christ, can't men and women be friends without Mumsnet going into overdrive?

5128gap · 11/10/2024 21:23

When he's in the garden laughing on the phone and you look at him, does it look the same as when he's chatting to a male colleague/friend? When you hear him, is his tone the same as he uses with men?

onwardsup4 · 11/10/2024 21:23

POTC · 11/10/2024 21:02

If it were a male colleague would it still have bothered you? When I've been having a shit time at work I've often had a colleague say similar to that, sometimes exactly that! I don't see it as an issue.

Highly doubt he would have said this flirty comment to a male colleague though, that's the point

Gladicalled · 11/10/2024 21:22

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:18

He walked around the garden, chatting with her and laughing a lot.

I mean that does feel a bit different.

Would he be doing it front of you if it was dodgy.

You are doubting him. And you are seeing this happen in real life. We are just giving opinions based on a couple of things. It’s really hard to judge.

LifeExperience · 11/10/2024 21:21

He's being flirtatious and has "mentionitis" about her. You need to have a serious talk.

ComingBackHome · 11/10/2024 21:20

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:11

Yes. He has never been this close to anyone at work. He’s introverted. Plus I feel chatting to her for over 30 minutes is too much when he’s so “busy” at work.

The chatting for 30 mins is a different thing. It has always happened in offices. People were on a smoke break or next to the coffee machine instead.

What he is saying is closer to flirting that just colleagues been friendly and having a laugh.

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:20

I have my suspicions, but it sounds like some think its all right, in which case I am glad to hear it! I would personally never speak to a male colleague this way.

OP posts:
ComingBackHome · 11/10/2024 21:18

I would consider that sort of comment highly unprofessional.

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:18

Gladicalled · 11/10/2024 21:15

But that depends on his job.

I chatted to a male colleague for an hour this morning and was replying to emails and teams messages during the call.

I am busy, he is busy. But it’s stuff we can do while we chat.

He walked around the garden, chatting with her and laughing a lot.

OP posts:
Candyfluffs · 11/10/2024 21:16

I’ve chatted to a male colleague all afternoon on teams before - absolutely nothing going on was just bored.

Gladicalled · 11/10/2024 21:15

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:11

Yes. He has never been this close to anyone at work. He’s introverted. Plus I feel chatting to her for over 30 minutes is too much when he’s so “busy” at work.

But that depends on his job.

I chatted to a male colleague for an hour this morning and was replying to emails and teams messages during the call.

I am busy, he is busy. But it’s stuff we can do while we chat.

Candyfluffs · 11/10/2024 21:12

Hmm I’m not sure really. I’ve got good male colleagues who are kind and say stuff like this to me to cheer me up sometimes if I’m having a bad day, and we chat a lot when we work on the same projects. I care about them as they are good people and it’s probably vice versa.

However I think you have to trust your gut. If they’re always chatting and inseparable at work when there’s no reason to be, then they could be crossing over into emotional affair territory.

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:11

Gladicalled · 11/10/2024 21:09

You wouldn’t dare say that to a colleague.

I would. I would say it to a male or female colleague. I am in a highly professional role. So I don’t think that’s an issue.

There’s a group of about 6 people at work that make doing the job less stressful and we chat if we are wfh. 2 are male. 4 are women. Nothing going on between anyone we just get on.

I am going to assume there’s other things you are concerned about?

Yes. He has never been this close to anyone at work. He’s introverted. Plus I feel chatting to her for over 30 minutes is too much when he’s so “busy” at work.

OP posts:
ahemfem · 11/10/2024 21:09

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:08

This isn’t the only thing I overheard over time… nothing overtly bad, but I felt like pushing it a bit. Plus, he’s always so concerned about her—telling me about her.
Again, I wouldn’t ever doubt him, as we have always been good to each other. But…

You're doubting him. And that's fine.

Gladicalled · 11/10/2024 21:09

You wouldn’t dare say that to a colleague.

I would. I would say it to a male or female colleague. I am in a highly professional role. So I don’t think that’s an issue.

There’s a group of about 6 people at work that make doing the job less stressful and we chat if we are wfh. 2 are male. 4 are women. Nothing going on between anyone we just get on.

I am going to assume there’s other things you are concerned about?

wulves · 11/10/2024 21:09

Listen to your gut.

Yuai · 11/10/2024 21:08

This isn’t the only thing I overheard over time… nothing overtly bad, but I felt like pushing it a bit. Plus, he’s always so concerned about her—telling me about her.
Again, I wouldn’t ever doubt him, as we have always been good to each other. But…

OP posts:
ahemfem · 11/10/2024 21:08

ReleaseTheSausages · 11/10/2024 21:02

Would he say that to a male colleague I wonder?

Not sure what other posters aren’t understanding.

At best he’s a bit of a creepy misogynist.

I understand it now