To be annoyed by hearing my DH saycomplishment today is making you laugh - to his work colleague

I asked my husband if I was acting like your husband, would he be concerned. He unhesiratingly said "yes". He is not the suspicious sort - never questions me, accepts that I often work late and have lots of male colleagues. Incidentally I would never expect to hear that sort of thing from my male colleagues and I have known some of them for literally decades. I tend to agree with my husband that I'd be concerned in your place.

It’s never Keith in accounts, is it?

Well that's you

I have said to friends things like this

Someone having a bad day, you make them smile.

You having a bad day, they point out you've made them smile and you acknowledge that. "Well, if I've done that then I've done something good."

I was replying to a particular poster in that comment...

My next comment was to OP which did indeed accept that some of her later posts make it concerning.

And MN does have a tendency to act like you can't be friendly with colleagues

I'd keep my ears open for more of the same type comments, but unless there is, it's not really a big deal, I'd say.

That would make me very suspicious and unhappy. If it were just in your husband's nature to be a bit borderline flirtatious or garrulous with everyone, this wouldn't be as much of a red flag, but he's normally reserved, seems to perk up when he speaks with her, takes long calls with her out of your earshot, mentions her often, and makes awkwardly flirtatious comments to her? There may be nothing happening between them, but there's plenty to give the impression that he may at least have a crush on her. I'd be on alert and probably have a serious heart to heart conversation. If he's worth a damn, he'll care that you're feeling insecure and be more aware of how he's coming across.

It sounds like he is being familiar. I wouldn’t comment or say anything just keep it in mind and see if it goes anywhere else, then take it from there.

You are allowed to dislike it. We all have our comfort levels, I’m similar and wouldn’t like it, but some posters seem to think it’s acceptable. No one is right or wrong.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then that's enough. You need to talk to him and ask him about this - tell him how it makes you feel.

I don’t think any of the things you’ve quoted are at all “bad”. And people in professional roles can still joke with colleagues, I don’t know what industry you work in but I’ve heard that sort of comment from a judge, several doctors, C-level management in large companies, social workers and nurses, etc.

However, I do think him striking up a friendship with a woman at work that he quickly becomes close to when he doesn’t normally have friendships with work colleagues is, potentially, a sign of an emotional affair (which may develop into something more). I have no advice for dealing with it but just want to say I don’t think you’re over reacting to be suspicious.

Is he normally the gushing type?

I can think of a few people I know for whom this would be relatively normal.

If my ordinarily low key husband said it, I'd be worried. It is absolutely not his style.

Combined with the mentionitis, I think there are red flags (sorry). I say this from the perspective of a woman with me mostly male friends so I don't have that men and women can't talk without something going on thing. I just think the tone is weirdly sincere and not how you talk as mates.

We say similar in our work, on bad days where it doesn't feel like we've got much done. It's quite a jokey bunch though. All female office workers mid 30s to 60s, if it makes a difference.

I suppose this is one where it depends on how much you trust your DH, how hot the woman is, whether there are any other red flags... in itself I wouldn't give it another thought, if it were me.

Ok, so what's the OP doing to make him happy? Suspecting him of having an affair over a fairly innocuous comment isn't exactly going to help!

Oh get real! He’s only ‘happy’ when he’s in conference with this other woman? Red flag.

I don’t think the comment in your OP is inappropriate in isolation unless he did something dodgy to make her laugh. Saying that you “I am proud I made you laugh” could mean that the other person is usually stoic/doesn’t join in with banter/has been sad recently or it could be your H taking the piss out of himself after making a mistake etc. Friends could say that to each other without emotional affairs going on.

I think the other comment in your recent post is a tiny bit more concerning though.

??? I don’t say shit like that to my friends. I’d be very weirded out.

Being happy is not a crime.

OP, he absolutely fancies her.
He is sniffing around her.
Don't doubt yourself.
Whether he would make a move on her I'm not sure, but he's definitely got a work crush, emotional affair going on.
The all happy speaking to her and morose with you?
Total give away.
Decide how you want to play it but don't be gaslit nor allow him to bullshit you that its nothing but just work colleagues.
He's flirting and sussing her out.

This is so obviously flirting. Sorry. Coupled with the 30 minutes chat that he doesn't have with any other work colleagues, change in his demeanour and several other comments OP says he's made it's so fucking blatant

A normal thing to say would be something like "at least we've had a laugh today". "I've put a smile on your face" is exclusively said by flirty men

I work in a very inclusive environment.
Today I said to two of my team on individual calls, that I just wanted to check they ok. One male and one female. I said to both that they seemed more positive: they'd been struggling. So I had an honest recorded conversation.

Ignore the naive gaslighting dicks on this thread op…Walking round the garden chatting away, smiling and laughing with a bewitched look in his face…’you made me day…’ - would he do this with big Colin from the warehouse? Or Ryan the 18 year old apprentice? Nah. Emotional affair taking place. I think you need to lay down some serious divorce level boundaries and call his bluff.

Thank goodness you’re not like other girls! Those stupid hysterical silly women on mumsnet, I don’t know how you put up with us.

OP the comment itself seems innocuous but I’m not sure why he’s grumpy at home but cheers up talking to this woman.

It's the sort of thing my DH says to me because he cares very much about making me smile and would see it as an achievement. He wouldn't say this to mates and colleagues because while he enjoys getting a laugh at his jokes, he isn't putting effort into it. I'd see it for what it was - a work relationship that morphed into deeper feelings and care. DH and I have boundaries to avoid ever falling into a situation where someone else raises the same feelings we do in each other.

You don't like it and that's all that matters. You know him better than anyone here so trust your gut. It's your life too and you call your boundaries - I would be honest with him about your feelings. If he loves and values your marriage, he'll back off her, if he's defensive he feels caught out or worse lacking in empathy.

🚩

After your last updates OP I would be concerned yes. Having friends of the opposite sex is fine. Having one special friend of the opposite sex that you treat differently to everyone in your life, who you act like is the only person that can possibly make you happy, and who you say cheesy things to that you wouldn't even say to your spouse, is not so fine.