My sister’s husband has made her ill

She urgently needs to secure her finances, before he empties all the accounts.

You say he has taken all important documents. Does she know what investments and pensions he has and which providers they are with?

She needs to consult with a family solicitor who is experienced in handling divorces where one party has absconded abroad. The sooner she files, the better.

I realise she does not want to have to deal with ay of this, but it's important, and with you and family's help she can do it. What she does now may determine her and her children's financial future.

I’m afraid it is @Setroinh. Her whole world has been upended. It must be truly horrendous listening to your niece as upset as that, too.

What a total cunt he is to do that. I mean, sure, if you’re really very unhappy then get out of the relationship.

But to sneak around lining everything up (the documents) and not discuss it with the woman who birth to your kids, Or your poor kids, what an utter and complete morally corrupt human being.

He deserves absolutely no luck.

I’m so sorry for your sister and her children. Well done all of you for supporting her. I hope you will continue to do so.

And the financials? This is massively important!

It is normal especially because she hasn't got any answers, so she can't make sense of things, she can't find acceptance. The mind will be coming with all sort of questions and scenarios. It's working overtime, so she can't really focus on anything else. Also the feelings are intense, it's a massive loss. It's early days.
Does she talk to you and other family members about it and about how she's feeling?

I think it’s a normal timeframe. I remember being in a complete daze for weeks but it was me and my daughter so I was forced to get up on a morning and carry on with my normal routine. Looking back this is what helped me massively as each day it became easier and a new normal.

I think as amazing as your family are you need to encourage her to get some normality back or she will never move forward.

She needs to start being practical and start sorting finances out. See a solicitor to see where she stands etc. Apply for any benefits she may need to cover her bills.

Can he be stopped from taking anymore money.

Get her to a solicitor asap.

I don't agree that prescribed medication should be stopped. But I do agree she should be seen weekly by a doctor.

Six weeks is a short time but it's also a long time for her children. She needs to be able to prioritise them. So she needs to be well and seen to be well by them. As hard as that is.

She has a wonderful support network. As harsh as it seems six weeks on she perhaps needs some tough love. Get up. Get dressed. Come with me. We are taking the kids out. I don't mean get over it. I mean direct her focus to the children who are struggling, she is the adult.

She needs to find a way to be the one they can trust.

Look around Mumsnet. Death of a parent. Adults posting about issues with their own parents. MIL issues. Loss of children. Infertility.

It is never a comparison of grief. But she needs to focus on what she does have and protect it with her soul.

I think I would get on a flight to Stockholm asap. Confront him, humiliate him infront of collegues asking why he has abandoned his children. That is so cruel. What a bastard.

I am sorry your sister is in this situation.

I recommend a book called ‘love yourself like your life depends on it’ by Ravikant. He explains how he got himself out of a very dark place. You follow the easy instructions. Even if you think it sounds silly I would do it with her and get family to do it to.

Cheating causes a form of PTSD, she suspects he is cheating - regardless he has abandoned her. Her reaction is normal. Let her repeat herself (she will for a long time yet) as I believe it helps you process the trauma. EMDR therapy if you can afford it as a family.

Has he been reported as missing? I am shocked it’s been six weeks and nobody has done this. Then at least if the police track him down he can send a message saying he’s not coming back/ he’s alive and well. Yes, I get she thinks he’s away with another woman, but there is still a chance he may be depressed/planning to kill himself away from home and be on one last hoorah. Not an excuse I know.

i do think after 6 weeks, and when she’s spoke to the police, she needs to sit her kids down and tell them in a child friendly way. 6 weeks is a really long time to think dads away at work.

Here is a link with some advice.Here is a link with some advice.Here is a link with some advice.

the police turning up when they find him (and they will find him) may give him the shock he needs to come home and face the music.

just because he’s using his bank account does not mean he’s compos mentis.

You sound like a wonderful, supportive company
Could you contact his employer to say he has gone missing? A) they may be able to say he's fine B) shine a light on his behaviour.

Do you have any mutual friends that he might speak to that you can ask them to contact him and see if he will at least speak to the kids

She will still be in shock but you can do some practical stuff to help

See if you can make a solicitors appointment for her

Help her put in a claim for any benefits

Continue to do some practical stuff for her like cooking and errands. Make sure she doesn't miss anything important (eg that insurance or car tax doesn't run out)

I don't I'm afraid, sertraline takes weeks to work,I ended up on 150 mg a day eventually and it stopped working.
Dr might do diazepam but it would be very short term perhaps 3 days max

Your poor sister and kids. How the hell can someone do this to their family

Is it the drugs making her sleep? One of my relatives sleeps loads on drugs for mental health issues. I would say mental health team. But I think counselling may help. Every situation is different try getting her out for a walk each day. My gut feeling would be change the drugs or reduce them and see if there is a difference.

That's a massive shock. She's grieving and processing all sorts of feelings and thoughts. Could she have some counselling?

She’s very lucky to have you guys as family!

@Thevelvelletes she has got all those things in place

SSRIS can be useful just to numb things slightly in the early days if anything

Counselling.

Trying to persuade her to go on outings is not the answer.

She needs to talk to a professional counsellor in able to share her feelings outside of the family, with someone not personally involved.

The best you can do is try to encourage her to see a BACP trained counsellor. Help her find one?

I would be booking a flight over there to hunt him down, I’m not sure I could deal with this without full confrontation. Who ghosts their own family!

Has he cut her off financially?

If so make a claim for universal credit, child benefit, council tax discount

Is there a mortgage? Can she afford to pay that?

Is his employer based in the U.K.? If so make a claim for child maintenance

Consider contacting his family and informing them of his actions to see if they can talk some sense into
him

likely he has not informed his new interest of his commitments back home

Bloody hell sertraline won't touch the side's of such a traumatic event.
She will need all the support family and friends can provide, emotional and practical.