Am I out of practice or was this a weird discussion with manager?

Sounds like you have a terrible manager who cannot communicate clearly and an unsupportive work environment. I’ve just seen you feel anxious about switching jobs but you may find a much more supportive and flexible workplace. Unless your entire industry is like this? Otherwise I agree with pp, cover yourself, ask for clarifications and in writing if possible. Fake the corporate careerist thing if you have to for the next six months to get them off your back. I’m at exactly the same stage as you in returning to Mat leave, it’s hard, my baby is not a big sleeper. Luckily my boss is totally understanding and supportive. As long as my work gets done that’s all that matters. It seems like they’re wanting more from you than meeting your targets but not telling you what that is?

I totally agree this sounds concerning and you need to be in cover your ass mods. Ask for a follow up meeting where you say I’ve had some really mixed messages- in our meeting last week it was clear that there are some things you’d like me to improve, but even after that discussion I have no idea what specifically. So on the three points of being more robust, of getting more work done, and my work home balance, I need you to give me some clear direction. I’m meeting all my targets and I do not know what else it is you want- i want to understand but you have to tell me.

make the sod explain you need to over achieve against your targets. Make them explain your agreed work hours aren’t enough. And if they won’t say that, put it in writing they couldn’t give you any concrete points. You’re protecting yourself here.

and email them notes after.

I’m sorry this has left you feeling stressed. I’ve managed people/teams for decades and this is poor employment practice and could even leave them open to a sex discrimination claim. Sounds like your manager may not be very familiar with employment law.

Review meetings are part of a formal performance management process and, as such, should be documented. So, the first thing is to ask for a note of the meeting and all future review meetings. If the fact you need to address work-life balance and be more robust is in the note, then you should ask for examples in writing, e.g. by email, of how this has affected your performance. Also, be careful what you say in these meetings (or generally to your manager) as that can also be documented (even if not shared with you) and cited against you later. See review meetings as an interview, where it may not be the greatest idea to ‘chat’ about any struggles you find with the job if they’re a more judgemental, ruthless employer. If they won’t/don’t give you a note of review meetings, make your own and share it with them for confirmation they agree it’s an accurate record.

In terms of sex discrimination, do any men do your job or similar ones at the same grade? Do they have children and do they have do pick ups? If you don’t know them that well, start paying attention to this and casually chatting to them, if poss, to try to find out and, if you get to know them enough, casually ask whether they’ve had work-life balance mentioned.

Women should be supported when they return from maternity leave, as should all staff when they return from a long period of leave. I strongly advise you to join a union. It doesn’t cost much, your employer need never know and you’ll have advice and representation if things get worse (and be supporting other women in similar situations). Also, read up on your rights and what’s expected of employers. This may be a good starting point: www.workingfamilies.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Return-to-work-employers-WF-NCT.pdf.

I know you may not want to move job right now. But I’d start to keep an eye out and maybe apply for the odd thing to keep in practice. They don’t sound the greatest employer. Or maybe your manager isn’t great. Are they a man or a woman and do they have kids? As an employee, your employer is just as much on trial with you as they are with them. They shouldn’t be making you feel anxious or unsupported when returning from having a baby if you’re meeting all your objectives (which you should also document). You should expect better. Equally, I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s probably throw away comments from a bit of an a-hole.

You may need to fake this interest in your career, or consider whether this is the sort of environment where you move up or out.

That's as maybe but it's no ones business if the OP is considering another baby, jesus, my colleagues have been MIA for years between maternity & career breaks.. it's lawful, "they don't want to lose you to maternity" we have finite years

Oh absolutely this... do not dwell on this without actual clarification

I think it sounds like you’re doing a good job and they don’t want to lose you to maternity leave again and are mindful that you’re coming up to the time where a lot of people would have a second child. They’re doing a weird coded thing.

this is not, not, not Constructive dismissal and never will be under the circumstances described, so do let's give @pensandpapwrs proper advice! If there are performance concerns, the employer is doing exactly what they are duty bound to do, give their employee fair opportunity to improve on specific aspects of performance that need attention.

@pensandpapwrs do please keep relevant notes as suggested upthread, and for every piece of feedback given, make sure you address it and show what steps have you taken to improve. Describe them in your notes so you don't forget. Talk about it in your 1;1 meetings with your manager, to show it's at the forefront of your mind. Be proactive and receptive and evidence that in your discussions.

you'll feel like you're under the spotlight, as soon as it's clear you've got thing on track, that feeling will diminish and they'll have confidence in you.

I would ask for specific, very recent (within the last month) examples of where your performance has fallen short and what the desired performance level would look like. What would a "robust", fully up to speed employee in your role have done differently? If there aren't useful examples or it's still unclear, ask your manager to jot down any future cases like this and discuss them with you as soon as it's convenient - maybe ask for a weekly or fortnightly check-in? Make it clear that you've heard the feedback, are committed to acting on it, and need more clarity on the details as well as ongoing constructive feedback to make sure you're progressing appropriately.

Start documenting everything. This feels like the beginning of discrimination

Sorry pressed post too soon. Anyway there is an expression in the law about somebody being a safe pair of hands. These are people who are trusted to get on with things without fuss and to deliver. They may or may not be star performers. Somebody who looks rushed and is constantly asking colleagues to check about things does not look like a safe pair of hands. I imagine other professional jobs have something similar.

Work on those two aspects. Slow down the rushing in the office and stop and force yourself to listen carefully. Walk at a moderate pace and try not to be seen trailing scruffy looking files, papers etc. Keep your desk looking like an advertisement for office effiency. Do any checking in private - keeping good notes about procedures you're not clear about, using templates etc. Make sure you are adequately groomed - nothing excessive, clean hair, a touch of makeup, wearing something that fits.

I think you have to address perceptions. I never mentioned my first child much at work and my boss confessed he'd totally forgotten about him when he proposed some week long residential course when the baby was a few months old. (I went back to work fulltime six weeks after a c-section.)

Please don’t agonise over it or try to guess - you need to ask for another meeting and ask to clarify. Email Hi boss I really want to ensure I am performing correctly. You told me I need to have more focus on work and I’m not robust enough. I’d like to address this and ensure I am meeting expectations but I’m unclear what specifically I should be doing differently. Can we meet again to clarify what I need to do?

I am a lawyer for what it's worth. You've made your half year budget. Presumably that's all been billed and hopefully paid. There's an expession

I've just come back to this thread having read it all because I notice the title.

Many of the things you say suggest that you have been hit really hard by your experience of having a baby/maternity.ive never heard of anyone feeling out of practice or still getting up to speed 6 months after returning to a job (or indeed starting one)

Are you ok? Have you lost interest in your work? Are your employers unreasonable? Are you regretting your career choice?

Your language sticks out to me, perhaps something needs to change?

God it sounds a shit environment to work in. Personally I think life is too short to work for cunts.

I think it's gaslighty too, mixed messaging, positive one minute, confusing and negative the next. Makes you feel on the edge of your seat but there is nothing more you can give, even more frustrating when you were a top performer before going off and now you feel your whole standing has changed. 100% sounds like my manager.

Robust? What does that even mean? Take banter? Work 12 hours a day? Be able to do an assault course? Be a stoic and not show any emotion? Physically, emotionally, intellectually robust?

It's a silly comment and goes against the very nature of a diverse workplace in my view.

It's probably because you don't spend every waking hour engrossed in work and actually take the time to be a mum.

"the person saying they are looking to get rid of me… I don’t think so as part of the meeting was how excited my manager was to build the team even further with me and they knew I was highly capable and still working my way up on the return from mat leave… so I don’t think that sounds like they are teeing up anything?"

Gently, I think you've being very naive here OP. When a manager wants someone out, they aren't overt about it initially. Otherwise you could (quite fairly) say to HR your manager had already made up their mind to get rid of you without giving you a chance to improve.

To me, that meeting was the start of them making a case to PIP you and/or manage you out. I (and other posters) could be wrong, but it's a strong possibility and you should start to respond and plan accordingly just in case.

@wordler's post and the suggested email content were spot on. Use that. You need to start documenting conversations and getting your manager to explicitly say in writing what the issues are and what measurable/objective things they want to see change. If they won't put it in writing, and will only discuss it with you, follow up with an email to document the discussion.

@pensandpapwrs when I do team members’ reviews nothing should come as a surprise because we have fortnightly 1:1 meetings and anything is addressed then (on the rare occasions it is needed). Nobody should find out during a half yearly review that there’s an issue because for example during a 1:1 I might have told them something like ‘x keeps happening and you need to do y’ and follow up in each 1:1. If the problem were not solved then I’d be following a process. I would definitely query/revisit the conversation.

@pensandpapwrs are you with a union, if not join one right now. I wouldn’t go around sending emails without proper advice. You want to be careful as what you put in writing can paint you in a bad light or be used to your manager’s advantage in the future to support them.

Personally the conversation you had with your manager isn’t documented…I think there’s a benefit for you to not have this documented if there are genuine performance issues. You could do what most people do and just lie/twist things and say these things weren’t raised with you if it gets formal in the future. Only if there were things that would reflect badly on your manager, would I recommend you put things in writing now eg obvious ignorance of policy that could get them in trouble.

At the moment you should be in damage control mode, emails tend to get people’s backs up. That’s possibly unethical advice though that comes from years of managing in toxic environments though- these are the techniques my toxic boss would use lol

This is both excellent advice and phrasing.