Am I out of practice or was this a weird discussion with manager?

It all sounds very discriminatory to me. Would they make those comments to a bloke. I doubt it.

Moving forward, if any comments are made, say 'put it in an email please'. You need it all documented.

NOTHING they are saying is vague. The feedback is crystal clear. You’re not working or performing enough. Because you talk about your home life with a few people they have latched on to that. You’re not over the details. They feel they could get someone better than you for the same pay.

not saying you ARE doing these things ^^ but this is the feedback they are giving you.

he said I had spelled a name wrong in an email. That was all he said?

If you do decide to send a follow up email make sure you don't use question marks in this way as it makes you seem not confident. I'm not criticising you, I just don't want him to have more ammunition against you.

And I strongly disagree with emailing (assuming you're in a professional role like law). It comes across as you being defensive. If you're concerned about this escalating, then make sure you keep a record of what was said when but don't start emailing your manager giving them the impression you're building a case.

If you can't get any further in the next meeting, then I might start emailing but try as much as possible to have it appear to be about you reflecting on the meeting and suggest next steps rather than documenting evidence for a tribunal claim!

This all assumes that your preferred outcome is to continue in this job and to progress.

Good idea. Definitely keep it professional only moving forward. It does sound like they have concerns and I’d be seeking clarification in writing. The previous post by @wordler is excellent. Think about how you come across at all times.

im kind of middle management in my role and I have an excellent junior colleague in my team. My manager referred to the junior colleague as “stressed Eric” the other day an said she always looks like she’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She isn’t stressed, isn’t anywhere near a breakdown and is very capable but does have a habit in meetings when we talk about a new project sitting there with almost a panicked look on her face. I’m not saying you’re pulling faces but is there something which is giving people the wrong impression about how you’re managing?

I get it. It's very frustrating because you feel your manager's perception is just wrong. There's limited point in arguing with them on it though no matter how annoyed your are (I know I've been there). Focus on getting clarity of what they need you to show them. Eg ask in the next meeting 'last meeting you raised a concern that I was over indexing on home life. That hasn't been my intention at all. What can I do to show that the work I do here is still a priority for me?' If they can't come up with anything ask if you can leave that with them to think about because it's really important to you that you are not perceived in this way, and want to know how to change that perception.

(You don't have to say 'the only priority').

After being back 6 months, l wouldn't expect you to still be needing to improve.

I think it's unfair of them to make vague comments without substance. I'd email the manager (so you have it in writing), thanking them for their time etc, and asking for more clarity on the two points - home/work-life balance and robustness. Request some examples of when you've not demonstrated these qualities, so that you can address them correctly and improve. If they can't back up the comments with clear examples then they aren't fair comments to make.

Your manager sounds like an absolute dick tbh. Deliberately saying vague things to you that she most likely knows will make you worried. I agree with PPs who have said it sounds like they want all of you a the time. They don't sound like a very nice company to work for.

You’ve already had some good advice on this thread. I would add, be careful about how you talk about yourself.

You mentioned going into the meeting and talking about the challenges or difficulties of balancing work with having a toddler. Over the years I have noticed that it never really pays to self-deprecate, highlight challenges or talk negatively about yourself in the workplace. A friendly or collegiate atmosphere might seem to encourage the unburdening of troubles or concerns, but it does change how others perceive you.

On the ‘double checking’, I can see that colleagues and seniors might find that irritating. It also projects uncertainty. Do you carry a notebook to make a record of instructions that might come about from conversations and meetings? For the last ten years I have kept an A5 notebook as a running record of meetings, projects, ideas and task lists. I did it in the workplace and do it now as a freelancer. It’s simple with no fancy ‘system’, but I always date and title each item.

The post from FlickeringGreenFlame upthread is probably good advice.

It's all utter bollocks. They have told you this nonsense because they want to feel like they are keeping you in check. It's all about the feeling of power. 99% of the time all you have to do is nod and agree and make the other person feel like they have educated you and it will all be forgotten. If you absolutely want to make it go away, just respond in a couple of weeks in person by giving them 3 or 4 changes you've made 'on reflection'. None of these have to be real or actual changes, you just need to make it sound like you made adjustments to your life. Office life is full of dickkheads thinking they're doing something important for the world.

For reference, I used to be on the Board of Directors for an insurance company until one day had an epiphany that my life was meaningless.

OP, people on Mumsnet often jump to 'your days are numbered' when it's actually a manager doing normal performance management. Contrary to popular believe, most employers would prefer that employees who aren't performing start performing, rather than wanting to go through the long process of hiring someone new. Obviously sometimes it's personal, and often the formal PIP process only starts once the employer has decided there is no way forwards and is just going through the motions.

I think it is more likely that what is happening is this (1) your manager has been holding back on either the volume of work you're being given, or the strategic value/complexity of that work as you go through the return period, but they now consider that grace period is up and if you want to continue on your former trajectory you need to up your game, and (2) your manager still has some concerns about your performance and wants you to fix them.

It is very common for managers to do (1) when women return from maternity leave and they think they're doing the woman a favour. Appreciate you haven't asked for it, and it may not even be obvious to you. I recommend you make it clear to your manager that you don't want to be treated differently because you have a child and that you are happy to take on strategic work and ask what you need to do for him to be confident you are able to take on more strategic work (don't say more work if you're already hitting targets). There was a suggestion you're a lawyer - if that's the case focus on what they need to have confidence you can manage bigger client relationships/run bigger matters. If you want to continue to progress (you don't have to want to!), try to objectively think about whether you are falling behind others at a similar level in terms of what you do, not just how much you do. Eg you may be billing the same hours as Bob, but is Bob responsible for finalizing the DD report, sending it out and managing client questions whereas for your matters the partner is far more involved and you are really doing the basics not the strategy. Effectively, do you think you've been out on the 'mummy track' and don't want to be.

For (2), I'd ask very specifically what areas your manager thinks you need to work on. Then go from there.

Don't email copying HR in. It's would be a ridiculous over reaction and will not make you look good. I wouldn't email at all at this stage. I would ask for another meeting.

If at the next meeting your manager won't provide clarity, and continues to make statements that indicate that their issue is you know having a child, not anything concrete, then consider moving onto email so you have a record. You may end up needing to go to HR, but that is the nuclear option and I would never do it unless I felt I had no other option.

I feel for you, OP. It is hard returning to work in a professional environment where they expect everything out of you. I remember this and it was so hard. So exhausting.

I don't know what you do but the fact you say you have to work evenings, weekends, days off and before nursery sounds awful. I presume you already work full time.
It does sound like they are trying to make excuses now you have a child.
You have a young toddler which is very demanding, you need to watch you don't burn yourself out.
Do you actually get to relax and spend time together.

Yes, shit!

@RoseMarigoldViolet so shit, isn't it? No one would dare to say that to a man 😕

Yes, that was my thought too. They want to erase your family life and have 100% of you working all the hours.
In the past, I had my manager tell me to get a full time Nanny “so that I didn’t need to bother going home to see the children”. I’d like to think that sort of comment wouldn’t be made nowdays, but my feeling was that was what your manager wanted to say to you, OP.

This is the classic parent like you have no job and work like you have no kids. No one would fucking say that to a man. I'd ask for a meeting and clarify.

OP, is this a legal environment that you work in?

@unlikelychump

Many of the things you say suggest that you have been hit really hard by your experience of having a baby/maternity.ive never heard of anyone feeling out of practice or still getting up to speed 6 months after returning to a job (or indeed starting one)

Really? You've never heard of that? People do indeed have pregnancies, births, recoveries and children that vary in their demands and difficulties. Perhaps you only hang out with superwomen. I really do not think this is that strange.