Baby burnt by hot tea

Do you often call each other names? I find that so strange and would be upset if my husband calls me an idiot as it shows lack of respect. You called him an idiot four times. He made a mistake and caused harm to the baby and you are angry, I get that. But nobody is perfect and things happen. It just means he needs to be extra vigilant in the future. But you calling him an idiot four times is not on. I will not be living with someone who calls me names.

Both my ex husbands used to try to do this twisting thing.

He needs to grow up, accept he's in the wrong, and be more careful in the future!

Well I would have reacted just like you, furious. But after I’d calmed down and knew baby was OK I would have apologised… like you. His being a cock dragging it out like you did something wrong reacting how you did initially. What did he expect you to say? ‘Oh hey ho not to worry!’ 😒

I don't think you need to do anything. Just let it be and it will pass. What he did was ridiculously stupid, what you said was gut reaction and you weren't wrong. But I understand why both of you are angry. He must be very upset with himself but also by your reaction and I get that too. I don't think he should have to apologise anymore, what is done is done. Maybe if he does apologise again you could say you are sorry for calling him an idiot but he did a really stupid thing and you couldn't help but be furious. That should be the end of that.

Why the hell are you apologising to this idiot for ? He is bloody lucky that your poor child is not very ill or will be scared for life. Why the hell was he holding a hot drink whilst holding the baby? You done well to only call him an idiot, i personally would have called him much much worse.

How many times has he apologised….??

he is out of order. what fucking idiot has a hot drink and hold a baby!? even a child.

nope nope nope. he is out of order

I don't think you need to apologise. It was his fault.
Just because he didn't do it on purpose doesn't mean it wasn't his fault.

I once accidently hurt my 1.5 Yr old. I was playing a game with him where I was gently whooshing him down on to a pillow, he put his hand down at exactly the time I 'whooshed' him and he got a hairline fracture to his wrist.
I was horrified and really upset about what I had done. My husband never called me an idiot, I'd have been upset if he had because I already felt horrendous. But I would have taken it on the chin to be honest. Because it was my fault.
But I also explained it all and made it clear that I felt awful. I think if you are ultimately responsible for an accident you have to accept the responsibility, including any reasonable judgment and anger that comes your way.

He wasn't unlucky. He had an almost entirely predictable incident that could have been very very easily avoided. Nothing at all like being unlucky.

Well he is an idiot. Who holds a baby and a cup of tea at the same time?

This. Can’t believe more people haven’t picked up on this part! This made me even more adamant that YANBU

He’s punishing you for calling him an idiot rather than reflecting and blaming himself.

Stop apologising.

The important person here is your baby.

Why are you saying ‘don’t blame yourself’? Has he shown any signs of blaming himself??

I agree with this view point to be honest.

I would have screamed at him too tbh. You were in shock so not unreasonable at all. Perhaps he feels really guilty that he is trying to apportion some of the guilt onto you to make you feel guilty for shouting at him. He is being a dick for not accepting responsibility and being remorseful and needs to be more careful in future. Hope your baby recovers really well and quickly x

He’s just trying to deflect blame and make out you are in the wrong for being justifiably upset he let this thing happen to your child to detract from the fact he knows he did something far worse.

You’ve apologised. Now stop.

And I’d go cold till he screws his head on and accepts he was in the wrong and is lucky you’ve even forgiven him. It would have taken me weeks.

Does he? He's not acting sorry. He's acting like a dickhead.

So many of these posts about babies being hurt just lately, lots of careless people about.

So there is a lot of anger on both sides.

I think anger is often the over riding emotions hiding all sorts of stuff: fear guilt for example.
So I would let that pass. Concentrate on your baby, given them loads of cuddles and recover from the shock.

Later, maybe revisit what has happened.
Was the accident preventable? Was your dh really careless? Has he actually taken responsibility for what happened (it was just an accident isn’t taking responsibility but being extra careful of never having hot drinks close by is!)
How do you feel about it all? Any guilt (like How did I let that happen type of feelings)?

But always remember that there is often something else behind the anger.

Added for clarity:
your dh would do to remember that too. Being angry at you isn’t going to help him, or the baby. So he’d be better facing his own feeling about what happened. Otherwise he is just deflecting and/or using you as an emotional punching bag, somehow making it your problem rather than his

He should be angry with no one but himself.

Stop apologising fgs, its his fault he has to have the balls to accept his mistake and move on, together.

He IS a stupid, careless idiot so... 🤷🏼‍♀️

You have nothing to apologise for. HE should be apologising and remorseful. Why isn't he?

And he just came and held the baby out to you?? Didn't run the burn under cold water?

Sounds like you have two babies.

Is he usually like this?

Agree with this tbh. I think it was an accident, yes stupid on his part but tbh most accidents to babies are stupid on part of adult minding him.

I'd imagine he feels awful, guilty etc as anyone would but id also imagine like a lot of adults that if you've been constantly berating him for stupidity then hes reacting to that, not to his own feelings of guilt. Id try and calm things down and talk as opposed to accuse and shout. Just to be clear if it had been you who'd done it id have same advice. Accidents happen, most are stupid, some are not but im not sure theres a parent alive who's never done something that on retrospect was a bit risky, stupid etc

I have a feeling he may well be feeling like an idiot and embarrassed and angry at himself and his unreasonable response is to blank you so he doesn't have to face how much he knows he fucked up. Very childish really.

Did he at least know what to do when it happened, what first aid to give for a burn?

Has he just met your child? That's such a poor excuse, youd be stupid to think holding a 1 year old and cup of tea as likely they will grab it. Stop trying to apologise to him, yes it was an accident but I think most would respond like you did