Baby burnt by hot tea

Sounds to me like he just feels angry someone thinks he isn't perfect.

I can’t believe he’s twisted it on you. You’ve got a horrid husband

Spot on.

Also op, without wanting to punch a man when he’s down, he does sound a bit clueless.

Surely a person who has just made the mistake ( if they did make it!) of having a hot drink and a baby immediately get cold water on the scalds instead of wandering round with the child? Accidents do happen but he then had a second chance to not be useless …

Well, he is a fucking idiot. Yeah, I'm sure many of us have taken a sip of a hot drink while holding a baby. But not a just-made cup of tea. You wait till it's cool enough to do no real damage. And not without sitting down and holding baby well away from the cup and making sure you had a firm grip on both.

We all make mistakes but if he really gave a shit he would be more focussed on the baby than on scolding you. He sounds egotistical. Can't believe he's blanking you over something so dangerous he did, he deserved to have it pointed out to him. Could it really have happened to anyone? Any mothers on this thread spilt hot tea on their baby? Stop trying to make him feel better.

I'm sorry this happened to your baby.

Your reaction was normal. And I think, so is his. He has a lot of emotions to process. I would give him space and focus on baby and yourself tonight. See how you feel in the morning.

Yes, it was preventable but people make mistakes and it is easy to get complacent with babies. You have made me think about some of the more risky things I've done around my kids and I will be more the wiser for reading this post. If he has form for taking silly risks around your children, or if he ever holds her and hot drink again you know there's a problem to be addressed. If he learns from mistakes then perhaps it's just one of those things. Your git instinct will tell you.

I hope your baby recovers soon.

You shouldn’t have apologised. Your child was hurt. A friend’s daughter had a cup of coffee spilt over her at a similar age. She has scarring down one side of her body and recently (as a teen) had to undergo surgery on the resulting scars to release them as she is growing. A surgery that required several weeks off school.

Did he administer any first aid (cooling) or just present you with a scalded baby?

If the former, I'd be booking him onto a paediatric first aid course ASAP

Which part of the body is it?

Just order a set of travel mugs and be done with it.

also get straw tumblers for cold drinks. No real danger, just convenient with toddlers who will mess with anything they can find.

A CUP OF TEA AND A BABY omg the pickle

He must hate himself so much and feel so guilty

It’s one of the most common injuries. That and falling of changing tables. Yeah it’s shit and id still be mad. Give it time. Hopefully he never does anything like that again.

I used to have a hot drink on the table next to the sofa. I would let it cool before drinking it and also make sure the baby was on one side and my slurping on the other.

He shouldn't have been holding a scolding hot cup of liquid while holding a baby.

He's been negligent and should feel like shit.

I would hope that if he's angry, he's angry at himself for what's happened.

If that's not the case, then he sounds quite shitty.

So you know that his behaviour is narcissistic. So stop questioning yourself and start working out how you will keep yourself and your child physically and emotionally safe from this vile man.

If my DH called me an idiot multiple times, then I couldn’t just immediately forgive him just because he apologised

This - an apology doesn’t immediately take away someone’s pain.

I expect him to be with you when baby returns for the check up in a couple of days time.

I would also book him onto a paediatric 1st aid course - they are available at weekends and evenings if he says he can't do one during the working week.
as he should / ought to have dealt with the accident immediately and not come looking for you.

I knocked over a freshly made cup of tea with no milk with my two week old on my lap. Most of it went on my leg but his leg and feet caught some too. Straight to A&E and fortunately no long lasting damage, but the guilt and fear of what could have been stays with you. It was an accident, and accidents happen. He most likely feels awful and did so at the time too so your reaction was probably really upsetting for him. And your reaction was normal too - your saw your baby hurt and you panicked and lashed out.

Both of you have had a stressful and emotionally draining day. You need to stop apologising, but also be patient whilst he starts to stop being so angry with himself.

Lots of people on here have said they had no scarring. My sister has a scar in both thighs from 34 years ago. She had to cover up in the sun.

YANBU you’ve apologised and now you just need to give him time.

If my DH called me an idiot multiple times, then I couldn’t just immediately forgive him just because he apologised.

He doesn’t owe you an apology, as he didn’t burn you.

I completely get why you’d be so angry.
I would be secretly so mad, especially in the moment.

But this was an accident.

Both of you have had a such shock and I think you’ll both feel better after a good nights sleep.

@Redlorryyellowcar

I hope we just get a good nights sleep and have a better day tomorrow?

Yer tomorrow is another day 😃😮

Stop apologising. Your husband was so so stupid. He should be the one saying sorry.

I wonder if he's more sulking quietly because he feels guilty, rather than he's blanking you? I know extra caution should be given around boiling hot tea and babies but I do also know what it's like to have a velcro baby (is this the case?) and needing a hot drink to relax! Yes, he should have been more careful how he went about it.

This happened to me. I burned my baby by mistake (not with tea) and went to A&E. small burn, no scars, he is all fine now. I cried for days, I felt so awful, I apologised to my DH for ages. I would have understood if he was angrier with me, but he wasn’t. I don’t understand your DH’s reaction at all.

btw in our case social services were called and I had to keep bringing the baby for checks. I am surprised this didn’t happen in your case, I thought this was standard when you bring baby to A&E with an accident injury.

Poor baby. In general many people are unaware of the potential of burn injuries and the potential impact of a cup of black tea / coffee or a baby / young child pulling a kettle lead. A relatively small amount of liquid can cover a large percentage of the baby’s body. At least they didn’t need to admit your baby to a burns unit. Hope baby gets well soon.

A safety / paediatric first aid course may be a good idea, as it is for every parent.

I had a whole cup of freshly made tea dropped down my back when I was a child, (I was older, and obv listen to opinions of the experts you met) - but if it’s any conciliation, I was an example of not being left with a single mark at all, so perhaps just wait and see with time, it may not definitely scar as much as you fear it will. ❤️

And on your question - YANBU at all. You would have been very saintly to not have reacted like that, I think you sounded fairly restrained tbh. You are still only on the first day of it happening, and have already acknowledged that he obviously didn’t mean to and that he feels terrible, so I think you have been kind enough. (& it wouldn’t have happened to ‘anyone’ as many people would not have risked doing that).
Would have taken me several days to ge to that point I think.

He might well be gutted right now, but doesn’t give him the excuse to be flipping it back on you. If he continues it any longer tomorrow after he’s slept on it, he is an absolute A.