Baby burnt by hot tea

My thoughts exactly. Who gives a fuck about him? He doesn't matter here. It doesn't matter that it was an accident (the alternative would be extreme physical abuse worthy of serious jail time, so the bar is low here.) F him sulking and focus on your baby and you as you must be in shock / traumatised also. What a man child

Sometimes I wonder what year we are living in - is it the 50s? I see so many of these posts where it’s “I’ve apologised but he won’t forgive me, what else can I do?” Nothing is what you can do! And you shouldn’t have apologised for your comments anyway as he damn well deserved then… and more!

He is being selfish and fucking childish. Yes, it was an accident but actually sulking with you for pointing out it was careless and having to listen to your baby in agony? And he thinks he has a right to sulk with you over that like some sort of man child just beggars belief. He needs to grow the fuck up.

Accidents do happen but you showed great restraint.

He is upset with you and you have previously thought he is narcissistic?

I wouldn't be apologising to him again.
I would be wondering if I want a life time of this.
So much easier to blame you than take responsibility for his stupidity that has hurt your baby.

I would absolutely get the ICK for such a man child.

Tell him to get over himself.
Mind yourself OP, and your baby, he's a twat.

Agree.

You are absolutely right to be unreasonable in this case. I would have flipped.

Oh dear. You sound like you’re setting a wonderful example for your children. Or are you actually 12? This is an absolutely ridiculous post.

‘it could have happened to anyone’ no it couldn't it would only happen to people who have hot tea anywhere near a baby.

'don’t blame yourself who else should he blame?

baby will get better baby will be okay hopefully yes I really hope they are but they could have scarring for life and he will have to learn to explain it's because he was a complete idiot with no regard to his child's safety.

I agree with this.

If he doesn't feel remorse for his mistake then that is concerning.

Of course you were cross at him. Were you supposed to say oh dear let's just toddle off to a&e. NO!

He sounds controlling

This post captures so much about DH’s response op,

Yes, of course you reacted in shock.

Why is he focusing on that above all - ie; his “injury?”

Why didn’t he leap up and sort the cold water?

He is the one who needs to apologise oP. He probably does feel bad snd is struggling to process it, but that doesn’t flick the blame to you.

It was good you said sorry for calling him an idiot. But come on, that’s a bit like apologising for leaning on someone’s car bonnet as you steady yourself to absorb the damage to your car they have just ploughed into.

Not holding a hot drink and a baby at the same time is one of the most basic safety rules regarding looking after a baby. It is literally just an accident waiting to happen.
I would have been furious with him .
And I would not have apologised. And I think if he doesn't recognise that your reaction was entirely normal and justified then there is something seriously wrong with him.
Is he really competent to look after a baby? Because I would struggle to trust him to do so going forward.

My DP has a scar on their stomach from when a grandparent spilled hot tea on them as a baby. But, to reassure you, it’s not like, a really bad scar. It’s just a patch of skin which is a slightly different colour to the rest of their skin - it doesn’t look bad.

It couldn’t happen to anyone though. And he WAS being an idiot. He fucked up and made a stupid decision. Why are you apologising? He should be apologizing!

this happened my niece (3 at the time) with a Pot Noodle & her older brother 11, I was furious with her parents... so preventable, I'm aware accidents happen, my son had 2 stitches on his eyebrow after tripping over his feet, just newly walking, & face planted into a wooden play cube thing

I don't know if its relevant but I got a really bad and huge burn on my arm from near boiling water. I was told to expect some scarring from what was a huge second degree burn. It looked red and scarred for months but within a year or so it completely vanished without any trace. I can't even tell which arm it was. Hopefully something similar happens with the baby. I do remember it was excruciating when I did it despite 30 minutes of cold running water immediately and the first few days were the worst. I had to have regular burn dressing changes with the GP's nurse for weeks.

Wtaf. You surely would have done no such thing. What a disgusting post.

I can’t bear this mama bear bullshit and this is the sort of ludicrous mentality it encourages.

He made a mistake, sounds like one you might have made too (we had agreed rules about hot drinks), and so you can both learn from this.

There’s no place for silent treatment and that needs to stop, as a seperate issue.

Silent treatment is coercive control. No normal, nice adult completely ignores their loved ones to cause upset and humiliation.

Exactly.

The baby is in pain and may be scarred for life. Who gives a flying fuck that her fuck up of a father has his feelings hurt? He deserves to.

It happened to someone I know, a babysitter left black coffee next to her, she grabbed it and spilled it in herself. She had life altering injuries, physio for years - life long weakness, scaring down the top of her body - she has worn polo necks and scarves all her life as the burn marks still cover her. In her case the babysitter was sued and the amount rewarded was enough to buy two properties when she turned 18 as the injuries were life changing and it has limited the types of jobs she can do.

I know the tea wasn’t as hot, may not scar and it won’t effect mobility but if he tends to be this careless and unable to accept he was reckless the next injury could be worse. Also if the baby does have scars you could sue him for compensation on her behalf - tell him that. In my friend’s case a judge found the babysitter’s negligence caused harm - tell him to think of that. You have nothing to apologise for, he should have been more careful and he should have been a grown up and admitted it was his fault and apologised to you!

My partner has a tendency to be a bit more laxed at times - one time ended with a fall and a trip to A&E - she was fine but I tore strips off him and I didn’t apologise because he was at fault and I wanted him to remember it and to drum in that bad stuff happens when you don’t pay attention - having a good outcome didn’t absolve him because it could have been a whole lot worse.

Oh also buy some 360 thermos mugs - the type that has a button in the middle that you have to press before you drink and can quickly reseal after each sip! We always drank tea from them when holding the baby and only had warm tea, rather than hot.

I’m amazed you both drink hot tea with the baby nearby OP. I don’t think I had a hot drink for a few years when mine were little! Any hot drink was put very high up, and by the time I remembered it, it was cold. The 2 of you need to rethink the tea situation.

Why are you reassuring him??
Holding baby in one arm and a cup of tea in the other is an accident waiting to happen
I wouldn't be apologising! I would be focussing on my baby

Shouldn't the focus be on your little baby, who is surely still in pain and not dhs fragile who.?

An acquaintances baby had to have skin grafts when something similar happened and the tea went down the side of their face and neck.

Your husband is an idiot. It's one of the things midwives/home visitors/play group leaders warn parents-to-be and new parents of constantly. For good reason.

Why an earth are you apologising he is minimising his thick behaviour, he should be begging forgiveness, the hospital might report it to social services all because he's an idiot
He's also a narcissist and so far up his own arse he may get lost.
He's a manipulator and if he was my husband and tried to in effect make me feel bad for his actions I'd tell him to leave.