Getting married in a church as a non-Christian

I think much more important is whether you are happy for your children to be baptised and join your "very religious" husband who "goes to church every Sunday without fail". Have you discussed this together? The wedding is just one day but this is a huge issue affecting your married lives going forward

@SensibleSigma

I’m in church leadership.
I’m not keen on church weddings when neither partner is Christian, but of course it’s ok if he is and you aren’t.

Can I ask why? Would it not be an opportunity to get more people to join the church?

I do not think it’s odd… an Indian girl getting married in a British church.

what is odd… is you’re not religious but are being told or asked by your fiancé for a church wedding.

I agree with your sister… it’s up to you as its your wedding. It doesn’t matter what your friends or family think… it’s between you and your fiancé.

Why do you care? As a non believer, it means the same to me as marrying in a registry office. The legal bit was the important bit to me, didn't matter where it happened or the exact words used. I imagine that's the same for a lot of people.

My husband is of no religion and I'm a Catholic, we got married in our local church with no issues. Since not everyone present was Catholic our priest declined to serve communion and I had to get permission from the Bishop to marry outside my faith (a formality more than anything ) but it was a lovely ceremony and the priest was very kind to my husband to be. I'm in Ireland and it's very common for inter faith marriages to happen in a church.

No need to be rude. Not very Christian of you.

Why marry in a Church and make vows to a Christian God if you don't believe in them. That's all I'm saying. It's performative. I'm not arguing against people's right to marry in a Church obviously.

@Nordione1 the point that you still don't seem to be capable of absorbing is that the only consequence of you not seeing any point to getting married in a Christian church if you aren't a Christian is that you wouldn't do it if you were in that position. Your inability to see the point is really unimportant. There is no need to convince you of the pointfulness of it. You keep posting as if people have some kind of duty to convince you but it's like you posting that you don't see the point of people adding sugar to tea. It's really none of your concern what other people decide works for them.

Yes I know that..that wasn't my point. I was replying to whoever made the point (@DustyAmuseAlien) that it doesn't matter if NEITHER party believes in the Christian faith..it's up to them if they marry in a Church. Which I thought was odd. Let's leave it as we are hopping about replying to different people and ultimately it's not an exciting point that I'm making.

Nothing to do with ‘these days’. The right to get married in your parish church goes back centuries. In fact for many centuries it was the ONLY way to get married in this country. It’s about being the established church and there for everyone in the country, whatever their faith or none.

Her fiancé is Christian though, and it’s important to him

To explain again for those who didnt understand my initial point..I mentioned Islam (it could be Judaism or Hinduism or any other religion..I used Islam as I know what an imam is) to contrast with how little the C of E requires of people these days. And that you can marry in a Church and not be a Christian. Unlike with many other religions. That's all. Fairly self evident really.

I think a more important question than the one about what flavour of wedding you have is whether you have spoken to your fiancé honestly about his faith and how it might have an impact on your marriage. Going to church every single week is unusually devout for someone who's presumably quite young.

Is he hoping or praying or expecting that you might convert to Christianity? Will he expect any children you have to be baptised or sent to church schools? How do you feel about the answers to those questions?

If you have a church wedding, you might have already discussed these questions or be going to discuss them as part of a marriage preparation course, which could be helpful in itself.

My athiest son always said he would marry in church if it mattered to his fiancée, as to him it would be a room/ venue like any other. 😊

DH is Christian, I am a staunch Atheist. We married in a church. The religious aspect meant nothing to me, but did to him. It's your wedding, do what works for the pair of you. Sounds like you're acknowledging both cultures in your plans, which to me, is a great start to a mixed marriage. Mutual support and compromise. I hope you have a lovely wedding.

Her husband does believe in it though. It is very important to him so as an interfaith couple they are comprising and involving both their cultural backgrounds in how they marry.

That’s definitely true too. But OP had confirmed he has a parent from each country.

I don't have an opinion on their choice. I'm interested in the concept of being married and saying vows in the name of a religion you don't believe in. As an interesting topic for discussion.

Although there seems little point (in my opinion, mind, don't get agitated again) in having basic sacraments in a Christian Church if you don't believe in a Christian God. Rather performative I would suggest (in my opinion only) but that's the way things seem to be going.

I think you misunderstood her comment. The church is happy to conduct the ceremony. It is the SIL who has the issue. Hence the “nobody else’s opinion matters”.

As such the mention of Islam in this context is really quite baffling as nobody in this situation is Muslim nor is Islam the topic of conversation (incidentally a quick Google shows at least for Muslim men they can marry non-Muslim women in a mosque, in a Muslim ceremony as long as the woman is one of the “people of the book” I.e Christian or Jewish.

But it’s just weird for you to interject Islam into a discussion which has nothing to do with it.

I am pretty sure the Christian ceremony retains the religious components and the couple have to be ok with that.

This doesn't matter. And neither does your opinion on two people choosing differently than you.

An intrinsic part of the church of england being the Established church in law (and equivalents in Scotland and Wales) is that everyone has the right to access the basic sacraments (hatching, matching, dispatching) in their local parish church. Faith is not required because the church doesn't exist for the benefit of its members. It welcomes everone.

Mosques are not in the same position. It's perfectly reasonable for them to restrict the services they offer to only their members.

I mentioned Islam.as a contrast to what a vicar would be happy with. I thought from the PP it seemed that the most important thing about getting married in a Church was the "opinion" of the people getting married as to whether they wanted to marry in a Church and nothing else was relevant. Unlike in Islam. Things have obviously changed a lot since I got married when there was definitely a religious element to a Church service and the vicar talked to us about it a fair bit.

I am not religious by the way and the Christian element of UK society is on the wane so I suppose the pretty Church venues need to be used by someone.

Or he's from one of the two countries, but lived a long time in the other and feels adopted by it. Loads of people identify like this.

Who are you to define how he identifies?

Yes.
Personally.

I was going to ask if this was the Church of England and you have confirmed it is. The CofE has a particular status as the official denomination of England and it's policy (which overreaches the views of any individual vicar or parishioner) is that if one or both members of the couple live in the parish and request to married in the church, and are legally free to marry, the church cannot refuse them. Even if they are not regular attendees or not Christian at all. (There is some discretion regarding divorcees and same sex marriage but that is all. )

So getting married in CofE is in fact procedurally correct and the fact that you are of another religion is irrelevant.

Whether it is ethically correct is a separate issue and this is probably what your friend is getting at. You would have a harder time trying to get married in the Catholic church I presume. The thing about a church wedding ceremony is that you don't just make vows to each other, they are made in the context that the vows are also made to God.

A church wedding is clearly important to your fiance which is a good reason as he is clearly connected both physically and spiritually to the church. The vicar is presumably aware that you are of another religion and that if you are making vows to God it will be in a much broader sense.

When I got married it was very important to me to marry in church. Faith and churchgoing had always been a huge part of my life. My husband was an aetheist and was frank with the minister about that, who appreciated his candour. The minister said that the notion of God can be extremely broad and to some people it just means the power of good within us all, so if was coming to the church to be married with good intentions, then that was good enough! (We are still married after 29 years together.)

I've also been to two different church weddings where either the bride or groom was Hindu and there was also a Hindu celebration as well. Both were absolutely lovely with a real sense of combining two people, two families, two cultures and two sets of traditions.

I hope you have a fantastic day.