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Younger brother never pays his way

204 replies

Aandespine · 11/10/2024 14:10

I have a younger brother (30 years old) who I've always been pretty close to. There's an age gap between us, and I've always felt a maternal responsibility towards him. I supported him through his studies, career, and even helped him purchase his first house mortgage free (I selected the house, chose the bank loan for renovation costs, helped with decisions during renovation, sorted out the accounting side of things, helped decide on a tenant, put together a tenancy agreement etc). He lives in my parent's house rent free. Has never paid bills. Has a fairly high earning job considering he has no huge outgoings.

Now, I'd never be in a position to buy a house. I moved out young, had a lot of financial commitments towards my mum/siblings. I was earning a lot when younger, he was still a student, and I was happy to pay for things back then- I paid for holidays for the both of us - flights, accommodation, food (we both love travelling), whenever we eat out, sit in cafés, I'd pay each time.

Over the past couple of years I've hinted that he should be paying his way, and been quite open about my financial situation not being the same as when I was younger, but nothing changed. I was still paying for everything. I got married and started a family recently, stopped working to look after the babies. Granted I see him less frequently now, but whenever we go out the expectation remains that I pay for everything.

We went out the other day with extended family and he didn't even offer to pay his share. I ended up footing the entire bill (didn't want my mum to since I know she's also struggling financially) but have ended up in my overdraft as a result. There were young children with us and I didn't want to cause a scene.

I'm just so ashamed to admit this about him and so so disappointed in him, and myself I guess since I had quite an influence on his upbringing. I don't want to cut contact, but I'm really sick of his selfishness sense of entitlement. What do I do?

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 11/10/2024 14:23

WhatsApp him your bank details and tell him to pay his portion of the bill
Next time you go out and the bill cames you say "I always pay, your turn" and just sit and wait.

Stop hinting and actually ask for what you want.

Bachboo · 11/10/2024 14:18

You have to tell him that going forward he will HAVE to pay for his share as you can no longer afford it!

Ginmonkeyagain · 11/10/2024 14:15

Sounds like between you, you and your mum have created a monster.

Why did a 30 year old man with a high paying job need his sister to handhold him through buying a house?

howshouldibehave · 11/10/2024 14:15

He is an high earner and owns a house mortgage free but still lives with your mum. Why? How?

What do I do?

Stop footing bills for everyone and don’t pay for him at all. You’re in your overdraft! Why would you?

Use your words!