AIBU to be anxious about partners new job

Just read your latest comment. Christ, it is horrible that he has has somehow convinced you that his cheating was justified because you were a 'nightmare' during pregnancy.

He is not a good partner.

His comments about young women v older women would be enough to put me off him for life.

Even if he doesn't cheat again, it is creepy as fuck for him to be following students from his workplace on Instagram. There's no need. They aren't friends or colleagues or peers. You know why he has followed them. It's not because of their shared music tastes.

I believe that people can change. I do think that cheaters do tend to cheat again, but not always. So if the only issue was cheating, you could maybe overcome that. But his whole attitude is disgusting, and I don't think that is something that will change.

You have to decide whether you want to put up with the worry of whether he'll cheat again (which seems to be a worry you'll have regardless of where he works). Or you leave him.

I'm getting the feeling this is a wind up...

No he isn't OP. He's already cheated and good partners don't do that. Good Dads don't treat their children's mother this way either. I think it would be worth talking to your go about your anxiety and also ask for talking therapies as a starting point. The fact you are willing to defend him and accuse him at the same time is worrying. You need some support OP.

You’ve forgiven him for cheating once, but it’s now clear you’re going to have to decide how many more times you will be willing to forgive.

As others have said, he’s a pig and sounds predatory.

He is also emotionally abusive. It’s not normal or ok to tell you about his sexual attractions outside your relationship. Of course we’re all occasionally attracted to people other than our partner, but unless agreed as a mutually arousing thing it’s not ok to go on at length about it to your partner.

He is not a good partner….a good partner does not cheat.

raise your standards.

100%. Couldn’t have put it better myself.

I am not saying anything negative about age gap relationships as some do work, but when one party is so so young it’s different.

I really wish the men who do this (and women if the other way round) would just leave them alone to enjoy dating and having fun in their own age range

@Mum1361 theres no point me beating around the bush here, you need to pull yourself together, hold your chin up and leave. Your partner is a sleeze bag. You’ll be writing a mumsnet post in 3 months time that he’s just cheated on you with a 19 year old.

You have put up with way too much. You are better than this.

Look at DS and remind yourself who you are being strong for. Do you want him growing up knowing mummy let daddy cheat on her multiple times? And that’s it’s okay because she stayed?

Do not feel guilty or that you have “broken” your family. Your partner did that.

Best of luck

I was about to say it sounds like you need to just trust him but the fact they’ve already started following him on social media means he’s allowing this and has already crossed a line. He can’t be trusted!

I agree. A lot of young women, and young people in general, can also be very vulnerable. Attention or validation from someone they look up to is something that might be comforting to them. To seek this young women out - because it is the vulnerable ones who fall for it, the strong ones will see him for what he is - is really, really appalling. Sadly, the young girls presented to this man via porn aren’t ’up for it’ either - usually damaged young girls, exploited, abused, trafficked.
As for the all men argument - whatever men think it maybe someone catches their attention for a moment, most choose not to act on it.
They act like fully formed adults.

My heart goes out to you OP. It's so stressful having a young baby and working. Look after yourself, and when you feel stronger make plans to leave. This man will never make you happy. You are worth more than this life.

What a disgusting pervert he is;why are you with him?

A nearly 40 year old being interested in 18 year olds is revolting.

I couldn’t imagine being attracted to or having anything remotely in common with an 18yr old at 36. They’ve only just turned an adult!

My thoughts exactly. You don’t need this stress in your life.

I'm assuming if you didn't have a DC together you'd have been well shot of him when you first found out about the cheating.

Of course he will cheat on you given half a chance - he already did and spends his time perving at women online. He sound like a waste of space.

This relationship is doomed.

You’re never going to trust him fully and you’re going to spend the rest of your life paranoid and anxious about where he is and what he’s doing.

What a sleaze - hopefully the young women are laughing at him behind his back, but in any case, please just dump.

It’s students at campus. He’s fine on this score and it quite frankly isn’t the issue at hand.

Oh op, I’m sorry you’re going through this. But honestly think about what you’re saying the man’s a creep, a letching cheating creep. And no not all men chase after teenagers, Jesus, you can’t seriously think that.

I’m sorry this is who you had a child with, that’s unfortunate. As yes he is going to cheat, first chance he can, and likely has done so already or been trying. That’s why you’re anxious, you know this deep down.

you can and should move on, it’s going to happen anyway. You should do it sooner rather than later, and try to avoid the pain he’s going to put you through.

If you don't think it's a genuine post, report it.

I may be cynical but it seems quite obvious to me he has deliberately got this job so he can be around young women who fit his criteria. The fact that he is already adding young women on social media tells you all you need to know. It is not typical for a man approaching middle age to want to befriend and socialise with 18 - 20 year old women unless he is sexually attracted to them.

Given his history and what you have been through, it is hugely disrespectful to do this.

As difficult as it may be, I think you should try and move on from this relationship.

You sound like you're defending him. Implying he won't be able to control himself when hot teen girls hurl themselves at him in a sexual frenzy?

He's a dirty old letch who cheats on his wife and he'll get sacked from the college and his career ruined if he acts like it's a real life dating platform. Rather than a professional place of education.

Dump the dirty sod and stop deluding yourself he'll change. He has no respect for you.

Your DP sounds like a porn addled creep.

I feel very sorry for, and worried for, the women he is going to be working with.

Why on earth do you want to be in a relationship with some one who just views women as sex objects, and has no respect for you and your relationship?