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Original poster

To have snapped back at moody dp

121 replies

linziiee · 11/10/2024 07:13

I wake up every morning with the the children while dp stays in bed. Dp is self employed and doesn't work late nights or early mornings. Mainly just a few afternoons a week. So no excuses for staying in bed and not helping. I wake up get 3 dc ready, take two to school and one to nursery before going to work myself. Dc woke dp up be with just general morning noise and he woke up vile, (it was 8am, so not super early) barging into livingroom shouting im sick of this, waking me up everyday. Wait until the weekend when your sleeping, ill wake you all up so early with banging. I defended them and said they've done nothing wrong, their just getting ready for school and they should'nt have to tip toe. You should be up helping anyway. Then he flipped on me calling me lazy when he is the poster boy for lazy. Now were not talking because he's mad at me for calling him out.

OP posts:
LivelyMintViper · 15/10/2024 14:10

What are you and your DC getting out of this relationship? Think how different your lives would be if you were putting this much effort into someone that appreciated you

reesewithoutaspoon · 15/10/2024 14:03

You are doing it all anyway and paying the majority of the bills, all that will happen if you leave is you no longer have to expend the mental energy on trying to judge his moods or tiptoeing around your own house incase you kick him off. He is adding nothing positive to you and your children's life. He's just an emotional drain who is blighting your children's childhoods with his moodiness.

MrsWinkly · 15/10/2024 14:00

Ugh.
Is there a special farm where they grow these horrible, self-centred, lazy potato-pig men?

What I really mean is he's a miserable, bone-idle DARVOing wanker, and a nasty sod to his DC too.

Imagine how nice life would be without him OP!
In the meantime, I'd be getting the kids to bang some saucepans together before school as part of your new morning noise-making ritual.

Kittyloulou · 15/10/2024 13:58

Bye bye DP.

MILLYmo0se · 15/10/2024 13:56

linziiee · 11/10/2024 11:43

@femfemlicious I did ask him that. And his response is 'you're awake anyway so it makes sense for you to get them ready and take them. But if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldn't take them, i'd still do it. We split household bills but i pay nursery fees, after school club fees, lunch money for eldest at secondary school, after school activities, clubs, school trips, days out and all other expenses that come with children and he had they cheek to ask what I do with my money. Honestly sitting here thinking about it he contributes nothing positive to our lives. We love it when he's out. He has such a negative energy. Oh and he gave a sly dig that when i get home from work after a 9 hour shift, i sit down and apparently that makes me lazy. I suggested we part ways and he got so nasty to me not abusive, but starts saying I couldn't cope without him and he'd phone social services on me.

But you are coping without him, sure he does nothing except making your life harder?! Without him there will be less mess, 2 less to cook for, do laundry for, clean up after and best of all your children and you can be yourselves. Yes there will be less money coming in but also expenses will be a bit less and you might be able to claim some welfare support? Don't worry about social services, like what is he going to say, you are the only parent those children have!

PrueRamsay · 15/10/2024 13:54

Please start making plans to live without him. You will have peace and calm, a wonderful new life.

Do you own or rent? Whose names?

BlondeAussie · 15/10/2024 13:53

Boobygravy · 11/10/2024 07:24

Where do people find jobs that only need a few afternoons a week of work?

Do you work op?
I suggest that once your dh becomes an ex and has to solo parent he may learn what it’s like to get up on a school morning and you can get more lie ins.

I wake up get 3 dc ready, take two to school and one to nursery before going to work myself.

cassy16 · 15/10/2024 13:52

You should get out now and live happily with your children looks like your already well trained in being a single parent with how useless he is

1989whome · 15/10/2024 13:48

I have a friend like this, her partner is completely bone idle,.doesn't help with kids can't hold down a job,.does nothing but quick to criticize everything she does. She does everything herself, walks around on eggs shells Incase she upsets the poor little flower. It blows my mind!! You're going it alone anyway! Loose the excess baggage which is your useless partner. You'll find that it is way better being alone than in this toxic situation. As for him calling ss, call his bluff on that one for sure! Your kids are going nowhere, that's the only thing he can think to say to manipulate and control you. Pathetic man. Run!

Strawberrysaucee · 15/10/2024 13:47

OP I have just left one like this. Please do the same - like me you are already doing most of it on your own. your children deserve better, just like mine does.

Mamabear487 · 15/10/2024 13:43

Honestly sounds awful. I would seriously be considering ending the relationship. I have a 3 and 6 year old and my partner is always so happy to see their little faces in the morning even at 6am when I get them up for breakfast club! I mean he’s usually gone by then but the day he can have a lay in till 7 he does not care about being woken up!

Codlingmoths · 15/10/2024 13:35

I can tell from reading just what you’ve posted here that you would cope amazingly without him, your life would improve. Tell him ‘ social services get lots of fake calls from sad pathetic men who were always too selfish and lazy to do any parenting then get mad when their partner tells them some truths. Social services will see right through you- remember that when you’re talking to them. They are thinking you pathetic excuse for a man’

itsmylife7 · 15/10/2024 13:31

Honestly sitting here thinking about it he contributes nothing positive to our lives.

And there's your answer OP.

StepAwayFromTheScales · 15/10/2024 13:22

linziiee · 11/10/2024 07:18

Honestly nothing. Dc constantly tip toe around him because anything and everything annoys him. They don't enjoy his company and neither do I. I think 16 years together and ive just settled with what life has become with him.

I think you know the answer

Zanatdy · 12/10/2024 08:43

OP, for the sake of your kids, get them away from this miserable lazy arse. He add’s absolutely nothing to your life.

Eviebeans · 12/10/2024 08:43

Just one thing- if you are physically afraid of him acknowledge that and get support x

Eviebeans · 12/10/2024 08:41

I can remember that when I told my then husband that I wanted a divorce he said that nobody would grant me one or let me see the children because they’d immediately be able to see that I was “mental” for wanting to leave him…

it’s his fear and weakness that is making him make threats re social services

I’ve been really happily divorced for ages

don’t let him put you off doing it if you really want to- your life will undoubtedly be better after

seven201 · 12/10/2024 08:25

Sounds like your family life would be a lot happier if you split up. Sounds like you've gradually fallen into this pattern and have had your eyes opened recently. Do not let this be your life. Your kids are happier when he's not there - says it all really.

femfemlicious · 11/10/2024 17:41

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 11/10/2024 12:14

@femfemlicious OP hasn't referred to him as a husband, so likely very easy to dump the shitty man. Just need to sort housing and him paying for his kids.

Oh that's good in a way. Only thing is he will make sure he pays very little child maintenance

Littys · 11/10/2024 16:17

Him threatening you is coercive control, a crime.
Call Womens aid.
Call SS, self report that your husband abuses you and your children and threatened you with SS if you try and leave, ask them for advice.
Start taking control OP.
He is abusing your poor children.
You can act.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2024 14:42

You must absolutely leave this vile man

ElaborateCushion · 11/10/2024 14:33

linziiee · 11/10/2024 11:43

@femfemlicious I did ask him that. And his response is 'you're awake anyway so it makes sense for you to get them ready and take them. But if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldn't take them, i'd still do it. We split household bills but i pay nursery fees, after school club fees, lunch money for eldest at secondary school, after school activities, clubs, school trips, days out and all other expenses that come with children and he had they cheek to ask what I do with my money. Honestly sitting here thinking about it he contributes nothing positive to our lives. We love it when he's out. He has such a negative energy. Oh and he gave a sly dig that when i get home from work after a 9 hour shift, i sit down and apparently that makes me lazy. I suggested we part ways and he got so nasty to me not abusive, but starts saying I couldn't cope without him and he'd phone social services on me.

You couldn't cope without him? It sounds like you already do!

Get two pages from a notepad. Write down everything you do on one page (or two, more likely). On the next page write down everything he does for the family/household.

Stand back, take a look at his list and contemplate how much extra work it will be for you to take that over.

I'm going to guess that you'd have to take the bins out once a week and maybe arrange to get the car serviced, but nothing really much more than that.

Leave the lists out so he can see them, or better still, give them to him on his way out of the door.

You say "DP" so presumably you're not married? Who's name is the house in? Is it owned or rented? Can you chuck him out??

tiredwoman123 · 11/10/2024 14:28

Op, please, please leave this man.

You will be so much happier without him oh my goodness!

JaneAustensCat · 11/10/2024 14:19

linziiee · 11/10/2024 07:18

Honestly nothing. Dc constantly tip toe around him because anything and everything annoys him. They don't enjoy his company and neither do I. I think 16 years together and ive just settled with what life has become with him.

Well you may have the choice whether to 'settle' for this but your kids don't get any choice at all do they? Your OH is an arsehole and a crap father but you are not doing anything about it. So what if he's gets nasty if you leave, so what if he threatens to call Social Services (like that will go anywhere!).

You are choosing to stay, leaving your kids to tip toe around and be scared to annoy him, just because you can't face a bit of temporary unpleasantness.

2Old2Tango · 11/10/2024 13:48

OP this was me several years ago, but with two children. I had to get up, get both ready, take youngest to nursery (50 min round trip as we used a private place owned by a friend), drive back, get eldest to neighbour for the school run then travel on train to London (40 mins) to be in work by 9am. Husband worked nights but was home by 4am and could have helped, but didn't. He too was awful if he got woken and me and the DC had to walk on eggshells.

Don't be me - I stayed with him and he just got more vile and selfish and he ended up getting a bit physical. My DDs used to beg me to leave and it wasn't until they were very late teens that I found the strength to do it. It certainly damaged them by me staying too long. Please, if you have the means, get out and give your DC the life they deserve.