To have snapped back at moody dp

Unfair comment. It isn't easy separating/leaving the home/chucking him out when you have a 'relationship' and are intertwined. Sounds like you are blaming OP. People become embezzled in the situation.
Sending you strength OP to deal with the road ahead

That is ridicolous. There is no need for the kids to tiptoe around a parent in their own house unless there is a good reason (like parent doing a stint of night shifts). Tell him to move out if he can’t cope with NORMAL family life. His only contribution to the family by the sounds of it is a lot of stress and negativity for everyone.

Hi OP, I really feel for you. To be tip toeing around whilst the children get ready for school is very stressful and unfair. It is inevitable that there will be some morning 'noise'. I don't have any solutions other than suggest a frank discussion but I appreciate that is easier said than done.
If you were to separate, what is your position re home/finances/work etc?
It is totally unacceptable that you are having to live like this. And as for a job where you don't have to get up early or work late???? Very much in the minority.
If his job supports that, all well and good but he needs to support childcare/school runs etc

Another vote for leave him. He sounds horrible and useless. You're doing everything anyway you might as well be a single mum, you can make a happier home for your DC without him there.

This is an abusive relationship and you need to get out, for your kids sake as well as your own. It sounds like he doesn't contribute anyway so you would definitely manage ok. Don't put up with this shit any more.

YABU but only because you haven't kicked him out yet,

Easier said than I done I know but sounds like it might be time to get some advice on your options.

Wouldn't it be lovely if he went away?

chuck him out OP, you all deserve better !

I'd laugh in his face when he said he'd call social services and say "Are you seriously suggesting that you'd want to have the kids full-time and do and pay for everything for them while I send you a pathetic amount of money per month?"

Does he have a golden cock OP?

Seriously though, could you list here the reasons why you haven’t already ended things and maybe we can help with practical advice?

@JFDIYOLO i have been legally divorced (not going thru a divorce but the final done deal) for over 17 yrs and yet your post made something that has alway troubled me click in place…he sees you and the children as properties he controls. So profound. And this continued for years after our divorce and at times he still does this with our adult children. Your post is so accurate so insightful it’s possibly the best post I have read in a LTB thread.

@linziiee
"I suggested we part ways and he got so nasty to me not abusive, but starts saying I couldn't cope without him and he'd phone social services on me."

You're deluding yourself OP, this is abuse. In fact everything about this man is abusive but after 16 years you aren't seeing the horror show it really is. What is this doing to the children? Tell him to crack on and phone SS whilst he's packing his bags. Seriously, life is far too short for you or the kids to live like this.

YANBU for telling the twat a few home truths but YABVVU allowing your children to continue treading on eggshells in an abusive household. That is very unhealthy and damaging for children.

You need to dump him and leave. You're doing all the work anyway!

Threatening to call SS when you've done nothing wrong in an attempt to prevent you leaving is seriously, seriously abusive.

I would suggest calling Women's Aid and logging this comment of his should it ever come to that.

Why are you with him? He sounds utterly useless and unpleasant. I will never understand why women keep having children with men like this, suckers for punishment springs to mind.

I suggested we part ways and he got so nasty to me not abusive, but starts saying I couldn't cope without him and he'd phone social services on me That is most definitely abusive. And it’s also the tired old script of someone who wants to snatch any thoughts of freedom and independence from the person they have been abusing. Make them feel worthless and add a bit of fear in, just in case they’re getting any thoughts that they might be able to cope alone.

Firstly, you already ARE coping without him. What does he do for you and your DC that you would miss if he wasn’t there? Secondly, tell him to report you. Who are they going to have concerns about? The parent who gets up, gets her children ready for school, feeds them, clothes them etc? Or the parent who can’t be bothered to do any of that stuff and shouts at his children and plots revenge when they disturb his beauty sleep? It’s ridiculous. They’ll laugh at him.

Think seriously about your feelings for this man. About what he adds to your life, what he adds to the lives of your children. Ask yourself why you are with him. If you cannot think of a single reason, and it’s not just a rough patch, then you have your answer. What is the point in carrying on with a relationship that never makes you or your children happy? Where everyone’s first thought is not to set him off and make him even more awful?

What does he do with all his time if he only works a few afternoons a week and doesn't do any parenting?

Unless the answer is volunteering with sick guide dog puppies or renovating your house from top to bottom in addition to doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry he needs to get booted.

OP, there is a much nicer, gentler and far more pleasant homelife waiting for you and your children should you find the strength to dump this cretin.

How dare he make your children tip toe in their own home.

How dare he call you lazy.

How dare he threaten you with ss.

How dare he take full advantage of you and treat you as a lesser in a home you are over contributing to.

He is the lazy one. Call time on his ass and create a new life for you and your children. You all deserve better.

but starts saying I couldn't cope without him and he'd phone social services on me.

And I’m sure they’d laughter at him. Honestly ignore the lazy idiot. My ex husband said exactly the same ( repeatedly) —- and it’s because his mealticket might disappear.
You pay way more than 50% of expenses.
You do far more than 50% of the family work.
While he seems to under the impression he’s royalty and has servants.
Get rid asap as he won’t get any better.

What a nasty, useless and miserable article.

Write down everything you do and write at the bottom, what do you do? Hand it to him and suggest he takes his idle arse elsewhere!

Your DC are walking on eggshells in their own home which is just awful.

Throw him back OP and come and join the Women's revolution of not putting up with inferior men!! There are so many lovely men out there who are loving, supportive and respect women, you deserve better.

Let him try!
Yeah sure he would want SS to take the kids off you and place them with him FT - course he would be able to lounge about in bed until mid morning then.

Empty threats OP. Leave him. Your kids deserve better.

Leave him.
He’s only threatening SS as he’s scared that you’ll actually leave him, he’ll have no live in maid, will have to get a proper job and look after his kids sometimes. There are nothing but benefits for you.
You and the kids prefer it when he’s not there, make it permanent!

"Not abusive"?

He hasn't hit you but he seems to be going for gold in every other method of domestic abuse.

Belittling and undermining of what you do? Yep.

Financially abusive, leaving you to pay for 100% of the child costs? Yep.

Barging into rooms and shouting, leaving you all walking on eggshells for fear of provoking him? Yep.

Gaslights you into thinking you can't cope without him? Yep.

Threatens to use external agencies as a vehicle of control? Also yep.

Have my first ever LTB.

So want to hear that OP is leaving this vile excuse for a man. I’m not normally in the LTB camp, but when your ‘partner’ is having such a negative effect on your life and your children’s, surely it’s time to get out?!

Life is too short for this. Get out for yours and your kids sake. Would you want your children to enter into relationships like this, because that's what will happen? Get free of him, then you and the kids can have positive energy in the house all the time. You'll be amazed how much more you end up liking yourself when you don't have the resentment of living with a mean, negative, moany man child!

And phone social services for what?? For a start, no he won't and secondly what on earth do you think would happen if he did? If there was any investigation whatsoever, they would see the situation for what it is and dismiss it. They're not daft.

Be free. Be happy. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your children.