My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

Hi OP. I settled down at 27 - well, I met my husband and we started dated seriously before getting married five years later and having a family shortly after that.

Tbh, at 27 I'd not have started a serious relationship with someone in the military regardless of whether or not they had weekends off. I knew I was looking for my potential husband by this age as I definitely wanted to start a family in my early thirties, after years of getting to know someone before marrying them - and I certainly didn't want to be parenting and cleaning and cooking alone all week. I wonder if some women share that sentiment so his relationships are therefore quite casual and don't go beyond a few dates/possibly sex so this is why you wouldn't really hear about it. I'm close to my mum but she never heard about relationships until they got serious.

But I'm sure many won't share my view too so it'll happen. I also think 27 is young, for a man especially who doesn't have to think about their biological clock for many more years!

But of course there could be many more reasons.

@AD12345

OP is worried for her son as he’s not been in a relationship yet.
From comments on here it seems to be normal these days but 30 years ago it would have been a bit strange.

Honestly I think it’s really weird to be this over involved in your child’s relationship life. I am in my 50s and my parents wouldn’t have dreamed of inserting themselves into my dating life when I was 20 something. It was weird and overbearing to do that then and it is now.

I also think the unseemly haste to get young people coupled up is gross and very restrictive. In your 20s you should be seeking adventure and exploration not commitment.

What a nasty post, glad you found it funny though @lobeydosser.

Well I’m 32 and never been in a serious relationship but I’m not lonely 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not the be all and end all.

There have also been many boys along the way that I haven’t told my mum about!

She mentions his friends are all settling down, so I think it is.

Not allowed to do that when your child is a male, apparently.

A friend of mine had very little in the way of relationships until he met the right woman in his mid 30s.

I believe it is, from what I understand you sign up do your initial 2:3 years and then sign on for another 10 and so on. That takes most serving to their 30s and when most think of leaving

The Internet has definitely changed human interaction for the worse.

@Magenta65 22 years is full service no?

He could be collecting Tinder/Grinder matches like Pokemon! Leave the lad too it, he'll find his own way :-)

Surely you should o ly be worrying that's he's happy and healthy not whether he's dating or not.

I never said they would do that. This is the situation I was in. His friends were all nearing their 12 years service near 30 etc so we’re leaving or had already set up home at a base. My partner was based 3 hours away but we bought in my home town. It’s hard. You have to find someone ready and willing to sacrifice where needed.

Do you say the same on threads where women are saying they want to meet a man - men aren't responsible etc...

I think it's a bit tough out there. Dating apps aren't for everyone and there isn't the same culture about going out and meeting people as there was when I was young.
I don't think you can fix this for him though. He has to do this himself.

I remember feeling the same when my son was about the same age. A really good friend set me straight telling me that many youngsters’ relationships come unstuck after a few years and I shouldn’t want a relationship to stick with him if it’s not right. Only he can choose who is right for himself and whether or not he wants it to be forever.
I had to be patient. Very patient indeed and had just about given up hope when out of the blue, along came the most wonderful partner for him and DIL for us.
Don’t despair. He is living the life he wants and will change it when he’s good and ready. 27 is still very young these days.

This and also I wish it was acceptable to live like this as a female thirty years ago - I wouldn't mind at all!
😁

I am 25, and vast majority of my friends are in either casual relationships or single, and still flat share. I am engaged and about to buy a house with my DP, myself and a couple of others (who are married / in committed relationships) are the anomoly amongst our friends. Its pretty standard these days not to settle down until your 30s, but I can see why you are concerned.

FWIW, I never expected to settle down 'young', I have been with DP for two years and prior to that I never even had a casual relationship to speak of!

Also, my aunt has never been with anyone, she's 60 and has lead a very happy and content life. Loads of friends, good job etc.

The places where RAF bases are located are usually a bit isolated so that possibly isn't helping. But 27 is still young, there's plenty of time.

Sounds fine. He could be seeing women and having less serious relationships that he just doesn’t share. Maybe he’s not interested in anything serious just yet. He’s only in his 20s, a lot of men nowadays don’t settle until at least 30s.

Maybe he has had girlfriends....he just hasn't told you about them because they weren't serious ones.

@Magenta65

lot of my ex’s friends settles down near 30 etc and they started to plan to leave the forces or found someone happy to live near base.

You can't assume someone will leave at 30 or that you will move to base though.

Neither of those happened for us.

your DS sounds lovely, He might be choosy (good for him).

No, it isn’t necessarily part of that @halfpastten - not for everyone.

OP, he sounds a great lad. I don’t think you can do much other than leave him to it.

@Onthecarpet2002 I have almost the same thing but 2 dss. One is a bit younger. I've had chats with eldest as he's very similar to your ds except he isn't shy. Youngest is a bit shy. Eldest doesn't live at home is
handsome ,likes women great job very intelligent,has lots of friends, travels. His friends have told him to try Tinder but like other peoples dcs he doesn't feel it's right somehow.

I chatted to him about it and said he doesn't have to fit in a box and not meeting someone is perfectly fine. All his friends have partners/wives. There's nothing wrong with being single.
Only problem is I know he'd like dcs.
Youngest is a bit shy but a lot better than he used to be with confidence.

As someone who was with an RAF guy for 7 years…it’s hard, it’s hard to find the right woman to support you being away all week etc. it’s hard to find someone who will understand it’s a years notice to leave. It’s hard to find someone who will be willing to move to live with you or it’s hard on the person in the forces buying a home they stay in for 8 nights a month etc. RAF guys aren’t shy, and I’ll bet he’s not telling you the women he does meet etc. I wouldn’t worry. A lot of my ex’s friends settles down near 30 etc and they started to plan to leave the forces or found someone happy to live near base. Leave him be honestly