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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL used my baby name

284 replies

Elle989898 · 10/10/2024 23:28

I’ve been TTC for years, no living children so far, just two miscarriages this year. SIL just had a baby and has called him my DP’s (her brother’s) middle name + our much wanted baby name. I haven’t said anything but I am so hurt. AIBU?

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyTeen · 11/10/2024 00:21

Kindly, YABU

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through and hope you soon have a successful pregnancy x

TheDeepLemonHelper · 11/10/2024 00:18

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AGoingConcern · 11/10/2024 00:15

I fully understand why the idea of having a baby in the family with the name you pictured using is upsetting when you're struggling to conceive.

But I don't think your SIL has done anything wrong. She didn't know you planned to use the name and naming children after close relatives is very common. I think your grief and worry about TTC is being misdirected at your SIL.

There's also absolutely nothing wrong with cousins sharing a name. I have a few instances of that in my family, plus several who married someone with the same name as a sibling or cousin (including my own name). It's even less of an issue than having a classmates with the same name was as a kid.

TheDeepLemonHelper · 11/10/2024 00:14

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ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/10/2024 00:09

You can still use the name. My family is full of people with the same names, it's really common and traditional in many places. I hope you get to use the name one day too.

Original poster
Elle989898 · 11/10/2024 00:07

Thanks for replies. Yes, she does know of our losses and the long time we’ve spent TTC

OP posts:
itsmeits · 10/10/2024 23:55

@Elle989898 Does she know of your stuggles?
In a weird way does she think she's honoring her DB?
My partner has the same name as a cousin. His dad never fell out with his older brother. At family event they are referred to as big, little and now tiny too, as cousin has named his son the same name.
My own DD and her cousin have very similar sounding names, they don't get confused.

StressedQueen · 10/10/2024 23:54

Normally I'd agree that it can be hurtful even if most people on here say you can't own a name but in this context I don't think SIL has a fault. She used her brother's middle name and probably had no idea you wanted that name but I suppose she could've asked? Completely understand why you are sad though

Pleatherandlace · 10/10/2024 23:52

Anyway, half of the women in my family are named after the same relative so all share a name/middle name. I like it

Original poster
Elle989898 · 10/10/2024 23:51

Pleatherandlace · 10/10/2024 23:49

so Did they use the baby’s Dads middle name for the first child and your husbands (the baby’s uncles) middle name for the second child?

Yes that’s right

OP posts:
Pleatherandlace · 10/10/2024 23:49

so Did they use the baby’s Dads middle name for the first child and your husbands (the baby’s uncles) middle name for the second child?

Laszlomydarling · 10/10/2024 23:49

Elle989898 · 10/10/2024 23:47

I didn’t say about the name, no. But in our family it’s a tradition that boys take their dad’s second names (lots of examples of it). They did the same with DC1

You can still do that if you have a child.

Chucklit · 10/10/2024 23:48

I’m sorry it's been so hurtful, I do understand where you're coming from. But don’t let a middle name pull you down. In my family, my 3 cousins (male and female) had 3 middle names each. Two transitioned and don't have any of the names they were given. Me and my siblings were given 1 middle name each. Two of us have changed our names by deed poll getting rid of the first name, middle name and last name. We were in our mid 20s when we did this. Any name doesn't always stick when the child becomes an adult.
My 12 year old DD is saddled with the surname of her "Dad" who dropped off the edge of the world five years ago after years of issues and she can't change it legally to mine until she turns 16. But the school address her by her "known as" name which is my surname.
I’m telling you all of this to point out that a name isn't always cut and dry. It's variable.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 10/10/2024 23:48

Keep with tradition and still use the name. Nothing stopping you and it won't impact the children

Original poster
Elle989898 · 10/10/2024 23:47

I didn’t say about the name, no. But in our family it’s a tradition that boys take their dad’s second names (lots of examples of it). They did the same with DC1

OP posts:
SunnyValemin · 10/10/2024 23:42

You've not really answered what people are asking - did she know you wanted to use it?

Spagettifunction · 10/10/2024 23:42

Did she know ? So sorry for your losses op 💐💐💐💐💐

JemimaTiggywinkles · 10/10/2024 23:41

Did they know you'd wanted to use it?

JemimaTiggywinkles · 10/10/2024 23:38

She (and her partner) might just like the name. I love DSis2's middle name and my BIL wanted my middle name for their child (but they had a boy so couldn't).

BarbaraHoward · 10/10/2024 23:38

Oh is it the one name? Sorry I thought you were referring to a first and middle combo. I think using her brother's middle name is fair enough really, sorry.

Original poster
Elle989898 · 10/10/2024 23:38

I don’t think for a moment she has done it out of nastiness! Of course they just like the name. But considering it’s my DH’s only middle name, and what we have been going through, I am hurt they have used it

OP posts:
JC03745 · 10/10/2024 23:37

Did she even know you'd claimed/wanted to use the specific name?

Marblesbackagain · 10/10/2024 23:37

Regardless of how rare it is, she is fully entitled to honour her brother or just like the name.

BarbaraHoward · 10/10/2024 23:37

If she definitely knew then that's so mean of her. I know the official MN line is that no one owns a name, but I don't always agree with that.

If she didn't know or could conceivably forgotten, then obviously she's grand but I'm really sorry for you OP, I'm sure it stung. Flowers

Moveoverdarlin · 10/10/2024 23:36

It’s not a random name that you fancied and she got in first. It’s her brother’s middle name. I have three brothers and all of them have middle names that mean something - they’re family names. She probably feels more entitled to use it than you.

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