To consider a new role for £20k increase but long commute

Seems fine, provided you expect the new employer also to be fairly flexible when needed. It's only another 25 mins each way, and only 3 days a week. Really not that much. Some of those days it sounds like your DH will be around. With a longer commute you can make better use of it by working en route (assuming you can sit down!)

However, if it means going from a very flexible emloyer to a very inflexible one, then keep looking!

It's an extra 3 hours a week commute. Plus whatever else you might need to pay in wraparound care, how do those figures add up?

Three days in the office at present. Could become more, alleged important reasons to come on a particular day because of someone else's lack of good planning.

One hour may not always be the case, roadworks, some part of the route having increased traffic after a while.

Don't do it.

I’d be hard pushed to pack on a well paid flexible job. The commute wouldn’t be my main concern. I’d be worried about what if it’s not as flexible, no gym, what if colleagues aren’t as nice, workload is more pressured, etc.

id have to really need the extra money.

How much of that £20k would you actually see after tax, NI, student loans, petrol and parking /wear and tear on your car?

Is whatever that figure is worth the reduction in flexibility? Can you have someone else on hand if one of the DC are ill etc.

But you might not get the promotions if you wait ten years until the kids are older - and you’re older too (Devil’s advocate)

I’d take it. Don’t let your career progression suffer to enable your husband’s. And financially it could bring longer term security for your family, if your DH is a freelancer.

I would take it. I had this when DC were similar ages and went for it and worked full time throughout primary and honestly am glad I did as we all got into good routines early on, and the extra money paid for a decent cleaner and better quality of life.

If I were in that position I'd work out what the immediate material gain. If the extra £20k puts you in a higher tax bracket, how much extra are you brining in? Subtract all additional costs in travel, childcare, extra help at home, for example. Divide the new income by the hours spent away from home to work out whether it is a worthwhile gain for your family.

Personally, I don't put too much weight on potential gain in the future, as I believe this can happen in a number of ways when you are ready. There's never just one chance or one way to progress a career or improve family finances. What matters is quality of life right now, for you and your family. While DC were small I preferred to work from home. Once they reached their late teens I took a job I loved that involved working away from home for several weeks a year.

IMO, it's better to truly know yourself and know what makes you happy and gives you a clear energy in life. If you are career-driven, go for it - show your children a mother can also be the family's wealth-making successful professional. If you are naturally more of a work-life balance person, appreciate the value (not monetary but still massively measurable) of having more time with your children. And never underestimate the financial savings from being around to pick up your children from school, keep your home in order, not have to commute etc. The financial value of traditional homemaking is MASSIVE as soon as you have to outsource it.

You are right that childcare is not easy to find and retain but it isn't impossible.

A senior position is a step up that might be tricky to get in the future. Or not.

How hard is it to secure a more senior role OP?

If this is a chance in a lifetime type thing then I would take it and suck up the inconvenience in the short term. Youngest will be at school soon. Use the extra money to pay for childcare. If you throw enough money at the problem it can be managed. Meanwhile your DH needs to be really active in searching for a local job.

The extra money may end up being swallowed up in childcare in the short term but you will have stepped up to a more senior position which will pay dividends in the long term.

I find payrises when your in the upper tax bracket less worthwhile given the tax man takes 40% (well a bit less due to the lower NI you pay) unless you hammer your pension contributions but that way you'd not see much benefit now. I think you will end up with a much worse work life balance and don't forget you have no protection at work until you have been there 2 years which normally means working your arse off going over and above for 2 years with less flexibility. Probably not the time with such little ones!

Don’t put yourself in the position of being superwoman and then get burnt out! If it’s your dream job you’ll need to get DH to step up the care responsibility more.

I’m currently and have been debating this with my own role and for me, it’s not worth it. I WFH full time, my role is EXTREMELY flexible and the company very family friendly. I earn £100-£110k depending on bonus, DH about £50k more. It is an extremely privileged place to be but £20k just isn’t enough money for us for it to be worth it. DC would need a pick up nanny if I went into the office, we’d end up ordering more takeaways, I would get less exercise, I’d probably want to up our cleaners hours since I do a lot of tidying during the day all just to maintain the same quality of life we have now. I’d lose 4-8 hours a week to a commute and those hours are what gives me a good quality of life. I won’t stay in my job for ever with no progression but 20k is just not enough money. If I was earning 50k and we were struggling with a big mortgage or something, the math might be different and the sacrifice worth it.

Sounds like you are very happy in your current job and I don’t think this is something to take for granted - I don’t think I’d personally want to risk changing.

It is tricky if DH already hates his job though and if this extra money would allow him to make a move. Would he actually realistically move though?

Completely dependent on the child/ren.

Mine is never cranky from wrap around care and kids in nursery are more likely used to those hours.

Under those circumstances, yes. I probably would.

Factors to consider though are: tax implications - will you move up a band and how much will you actually take home? Cost of the commute or any additional childcare you're not currently paying, the benefits of the company - is the pension as good and what does that mean in real terms for your take home pay?

As obscene as it sounds, 20k after tax and if there are significant extra costs associated, doesn't work out as much as it sounds.

Of course there's also career progression to weigh up.

It's never an easy decision when you have kids and would be giving up flex/goodwill.

I personally stay in a flexible role rather then look up. But that's because DH is earning lots of money and is needed a lot by his job. You can't both do it is my mantra.

It really just depends on your situation and how needed the extra money is. Nobody else can decide this, there are no right answers- it's up to you. Write down a list of pros and cons. Don't forget the extra stress on you.

Yes, to be fair, our twins were in nursery til starting school. Our nanny does 3 full days a week and is housekeeping during the day. DH and I can juggle the other 2 days a week after school now they are older and more self sufficient.

When you have young kids, flexibility, travel time and lifestyle is more important than a little extra cash when you’re already comfortable. I’d much rather use that extra hour each day for exercise or going for a walk.

I hr isn’t a long commute.
You need to think longer term here. Better salary, pension contributions, plus springboard to even better jobs in the future.
If the flexibility of the current role trumps everything then stay. But it’s all relative. I have a job on the same terms as your new one, and I consider that to be very flexible compared with my previous roles.

As others have said , the early school years are much more demanding of your time than preschool child care .
I honestly wouldn’t consider giving up your current stability and flexibility at this stage .
Also agree that the years fly past and you want to enjoy as much time with them as you can .
You can advance your career later .
I did stay at home for the first 6 years , regained my career and I’m flying !
No regrets at all about the time out . Those early years were so precious ! Happiest time of my life ,

Ok, so if it means your DH could find a more flexible job that means he can do the school runs etc and you taking the role might focus him on doing that, this might be a reason to say yes to the job. You taking the job might give him the kick up the bum to change jobs. And hopefully if it will benefit you career-wise a bit further down the line.

If it’s something you really want to do, and you don’t feel like you’ll miss out on time with the kids, there are ways to make it work.

Take it. Kids go into wrap around and DH steps up.

No I wouldn’t do this. Primary years are tough and kids need you around. I am not comfortable with kids being in clubs resulting in long days/cranky evenings etc - if there is a choice I would not choose it. Obvs I understand some have no choice but given you do, I would choose your current set up.

I think that to make this decision you have to understand yourself really well. How important is your career? How important is money? How much do you want to be physically present with your kids? For me being physically present when they are small is really, really important. For my best friend, she loves her kids but her career is what she wants to spend her time on.

Once you know what you want you’ll see you are in an enviable position in that you can turn down 20k because it’s not your priority/ ask DH to step up because you want to focus on career. It sounds obvious but we often get blinded by the money/what we ‘should’ do.