A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

Platespin

Thank you for adding the video

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Op, your husbands actions speak louder than his words

Does he take you for granted ?

Start putting yourself first

No one would take the job if you advertised it, including me, because it’s undervalued, underpaid and not respected. That is why I work full time and so does my DH because we both know being a SAHP means you have to do all the thankless boring crap. I find it much easier going to work, paying a cleaner and sharing the cooking. The house is in chaos and we still haven’t unpacked from the summer holiday but I don’t have to feel guilty about that because I do a ‘big job’ outside the house just like you. We did have a nanny when the kids were younger but we didn’t expect her to clean, garden, work weekends, do diy, cook or launder for the adults.

If DH is generally appreciative then I'd imagine this eoukdnt be such a big deal. I suspect it's bigger than this. It's a bit ott to move from general inconsideration to ' he's going to leave me' otherwise. My MIL was married to an academic. She basically gave up her job, life, hobbies to hero worship him and his massive intellect for years.He never thanked her until he was on his deathbed.

@Diomi You would have to an employ a housekeeper, a gardener, a handyman, a chef and a 24hr nanny to cover this lot. Why would one person agree to do all of it? What would the working person bring to the relationship that would make it worth it?

This argument doesn't wash. Those of us in families where both parents work full time obviously don't employ this level of help. Myself and my husband both work in "big" jobs, and we hire a cleaner once a week and pay for after school club and holiday clubs. The rest is just minor housework like laundry and cooking, which is easy to fit in around work. This financial over-valuing of what a SAHP does makes you look ridiculous simply because loads of us are in 2 working parent families and know that this is factually and ludicrously incorrect.

This reminds me, I was watching a short video of Alfred Hitchcock at an award ceremony. He thanked 4 people who contributed over decades to his success. One of the people that he mentioned was his wife.

Therefore, yes your husband should have thanked you.

You should make it clear that you are upset.

Go back to work, you do not have young children to care for.

But yes, he definitely should have explicitly thanked you in his speech.

Why did you make so many sacrifices for his career? There could have been a compromise surely?
It would be hard not feel resentful in this situation.

Yes I get that, fair enough. Still don’t get where @Nanny0gg is coming from with “Are you saying that you think his wider family have been as involved and supportive and made as many sacrifices as his wife?” as my comment didn’t suggest anything close to that.
I’d be pissed off too if I was OP. She was there so she will know best what her DH meant by it, my comment was more that “family” to me was what I mentioned above.

@Red0 but the OP says he specifically looked towards his parents, not her when he talked about family.
He didn’t acknowledge her during his TWO speeches.

So I wouldn’t automatically think family=us/OP&dcs in that situation.

If he had looked at her whilst saying this, then yes I’d agree with you

No, that’s not what I have said at all. I just, if someone thanks their family, to me I would straight away go to their family being their family who they live with: their spouse, their children. Maybe then further out to parents etc. But my immediate thought as to who someone’s family are would be the family they see every day. Maybe that’s just me though, judging by the other responses.
I don’t see how my post suggested that I thought his wider family had been more supportive than his wife.

I especially liked the ‘three c’s’. I have a suggestion for a fourth !!

Also servicing him. Let's not forget the SAHP's duty to lie back and think of England.

Why is the working parent the only one giving feedback? How about the other way around? "Delighted my cleaning, catering and childcare are up to scratch, now let's talk about your substandard performance at weekends and on holiday, and your woeful sexual performance. And while we're on the subject, why you didn't get that work promotion you were so certain was yours for the taking."

No you shouldn’t be content with the blanket statement.
You know that.

But his whole behaviour is aligned with the fact he didn’t mention you. He is taking you for granted. Feels your contributions are either normal or not that much anyway. In which case, why mentioning you right?

Are you saying that you think his wider family have been as involved and supportive and made as many sacrifices as his wife?

Because I don't think they have

Yes, Funny though

Send!

Still workplace/boss mentality

Exactly

You missed the part about him not wanting to wrangle teenagers and do his share of the domestic stuff then ?

With special attention and an extra hard shove for the bit about ‘the three c’s’!!

You would have to an employ a housekeeper, a gardener, a handyman, a chef and a 24hr nanny to cover this lot. Why would one person agree to do all of it? What would the working person bring to the relationship that would make it worth it?

'Baby sit' his own children. I'm so sorry. It's unbelievably selfish of him.

I have one of these, though still working. It's exhausting and demoralizing.

It isn’t so easy going back to work. I used to do a bit of work in the evenings and DH was meant to be home to baby sit. A few times he was late and I had to drive like fury to get to my work on time. The start time was non negotiable. I gave him my working dates in advance but he still went to meetings 100 miles away on my work days. These were around 8 evenings in 3 months so hardly unavoidable. You just end up being unimportant. He said he couldn’t say he had to leave at 4 to get home for dc so I could work. I said don’t agree to be so far away on my work schedule evenings and respect my job. Nothing changed. I stopped working.

So when you work snd DH isn’t around, who looks after dc? Who arranges for dc to be looked after? It sure won’t be him. These men don’t do school pick ups. Or take dc to clubs. In fact they don’t do dc much at all. They tell staff what they want and everyone falls in with what they want. I was moaned about for not working but had no support to work. So other than run myself ragged, what was the answer? Staying at home.

Plus you lose confidence. Things move on at work. It’s not easy. If you aren’t supported for 8 evenings in 3 months, a decent day job is 100% more difficult to organise and you’ll be doing even more without help and spending what you earn in childcare. Not working does lead to be seen as a non contributor though. By dh and friends. So that’s why you don’t get publicly thanked even though without you doing most family and household work, you are seen as a non contributor to his success.