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Original poster

Separate cakes at a joint birthday party

206 replies

WittyOrca · 10/10/2024 12:54

Hi all,
We're organising a birthday party (5yo) for our DC and his friend. We didn't plan to organise anything this year, but a friend's mum suggested a joint party and we didn't object. I now have a feeling that they are just trying to arrange everything the way they like, at a split cost. I don't mind it too much but went a bit mad when his mum suggested baking a cake for 2 of them, taking only into account her son's cake shape and character preference, not asking about my DC's wishes. She is mediocre hobby baker and I would prefer ordering from a professional. My DS would like a cake in a different character shape and we wanted to adhere to this as it's his birthday. We mentioned this to friend's mum and she got pretty mad. She now doesn't even want to talk to us. I'm wondering, should I just give in or order a separate cake to fulfil my DC bday wish, as I've originally planned? Is having 2 cakes (similar size) uncommon at joint parties?

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 10/10/2024 13:01

2 cakes have been presented at every joint birthday that I’ve been to. The children usually have different tastes and it’s better that they blow their own candles rather than take turns or try and blow their candles at the same time.

I would separate the parties with this mum because she’s inevitably going to find more issues with you imo.

Attelina · 10/10/2024 13:00

Joint parties other than doe siblings are usually a disaster with one side feeling aggrieved at the other side taking advantage.

Say you've changed your mind and won't be doing it.

dragonfliesandbees · 10/10/2024 12:58

My daughter has had a couple of joint parties. We did separate cakes so they both have their own candles to blow out.

Lallybroch · 10/10/2024 12:57

It's a long time since my children were small but I would feel very strongly that my child should have their own birthday cake especially if they have a particular theme in mind. If this is a deal breaker for her then I would suggest that she holds her own birthday party for her son and you hold a separate one for your own child.

PaperLampshade · 10/10/2024 12:57

I think I’d be stepping away from the joint party altogether, if negotiations have broken down over cake! DS had several joint parties when he was younger and separate cakes were the norm.

fluffytail · 10/10/2024 12:56

To honest, you hit the nail of the head when you said they're trying to arrange everything the way they like, at a split cost. Perhaps it's better to tell them now that you'll be arranging a separate event for your son and part ways.