Separate cakes at a joint birthday party

Of course your DC has their own cake!

My DS was friends with twin boys (more friendly with one than the other) and even though they had a joint party they had a cake each. It's part of it being your special day or celebration.

Ms DS had a joint party last year for his 10th.
Massive cake with agreed theme on it, both blew out the candles, shared out cake at the party and then we spilt the leftovers. All agreed beforehand was probably where we didn't go wrong!

Most joint partied my kids have been invited to had their own cakes and candles to blow out? It’s weird to share a cake, who takes the leftovers home?

Oh dear! A cake off!

Separate cakes is normal for joint parties in my experience. No idea why she’s taken offence. Does she maybe feel like she’s organising everything and you’re just kind of hitching a ride?

Every joint party I have been to as a child and as a parent, has had TWO cakes

I have tasted homemade cakes which taste incredible and professional cakes which look amazing but taste very meh. Each to their own, but i wouldn’t assume your professional cake will taste any better than her homemade one, though no doubt it will look better.

2 cakes absolutely the norm at every joint party I’ve been to though! You don’t need to be unkind about her cake choice, but it’s fair your son has his own cake.

Get your DC his own cake. Just ignore her dramatics. She sounds unhinged and you're right, you are footing half the bill for her son's party.

Take it as a lesson learned the hard way, never do a joint party again!

My child attended a joint birthday party.
The mums were friends but the party had become an issue between them.
They had agreed that they were both going to get a cheap supermarket character cake for each child.
On day of party mom number 1 turned up with a fancy, professionally made cake but turns out that mom number 2 had heard from someone else of this plan so promptly turned up with a 2 TIER professionally made cake 🤣🤣🤣

I always do two separate cakes for dtds parties but dd1 had a joint party with a friend we only had one cake - they were 3 and both happy with gruffalo theme so it wasn’t an issue but we could have done two and it would feel normal too.

Have hosted joint parties multiple times for both DC and the consensus is separate cakes so each child gets the cake they want. Ime joint parties usually happen because the children happen to have birthdays close together and want to host the whole class, not because they’re close friends.

The one occasion we have shared the cake is where we hosted with DC’s close friend and we have a good relationship with the whole family so was easy to coordinate

I was with you until you said that homemade cakes taste bland. I would rather a home baked one any day over some shop bought one full of additives and other rubbish.

totally normal and fine to have 2 cakes, one provided by each family, at a joint birthday party.

But this:
I'd rather get a nice one than a home baked cake which tastes bland.
is very rude. Assuming she’s not a terrible baker, I nearly always prefer the taste of homemade cakes to bakery ones, even though bakery ones can look more professional. I assume you didn’t say anything like this when you spoke to her ?! If you just said “oh, actually I think we’ll provide DS’s cake, I know he’d like to have an x character one, and it would be nice for them each to have their own cake” that would be fine, but anything hinting that you want shop bought because it’s better, looks / tastes nicer , more professional etc would be rude.

I think the issue is her DCs will be a home baked cake and yours will be a professional one.

We only ever did one joint party but with a reasonable person! We agreed on a cake maker together, had two cakes but made by the same person so same size and quality but will the Childs choice of theme.

We also did the unthinkable according to mums net and bought some shop tray bake cakes to cut up for the party bags so that we didn't have to try and cut them equally and both children could reuse the cakes at home for family tea party.

That's probably nailed it. You're another guest in her eyes, just one with a financial obligation

2 separate cakes is normal. It’s weird she would be bothered about your child having a different cake when it makes no difference to hers at all

Insist on the cake and take it as lesson learned
Presumably she's worried your cake will be masses bigger and more elaborate than hers, so maybe agree on size? Separate cakes are normal but it would look odd to have one basic homemade sponge and one huge, elaborate professional cake.

She's offended because your son's cake will outshine her son's cake.

And this party is really all about her son, with you footing half the bill.

The friend’s mum sounds like a lunatic if she’s not talking to you over such a mundane and reasonable request! DD has had 2 joint parties and we’ve been to several as guests and every single one has had 2 cakes. It’s a nice way to personalise it to each birthday child. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with I now have a feeling that they are just trying to arrange everything the way they like, at a split cost.

If the party is in two weeks you’ve probably left it a bit late to order a cake from a professional…

I've never been to a joint party that didn't have 2 cakes.

Get your DC his cake.

1 cake per child…..sing happy birthday twice if 2 children

We're still at the joint party stage for the kids in my daughters class and there's always a cake per birthday child

Two cakes is a really good way of personalising it to each child and giving them a special individual moment. However, the issue is a bit more than that. You have been railroaded into basically going halves for another child's birthday party, with your only wish for your child refused. I'd pull out altogether if it's not too late as if she's this much of a bully you're going to be paying for a tense and miserable time. Tell her you're sorry she's upset but in light of the fall out think it's best you each make your own plans. If its not possible to do that, just turn up on the day with your own cake.