Separate cakes at a joint birthday party

FFS, you both sound hard work and as bad as each other.

5 year olds don't need elaborate parties or cakes. They're happy running round room with their mates and a bunch of balloons.

Cake that comes home from parties wrapped up in kitchen paper, end up in the fridge only to be chucked out a few days later as it's forgotten about and is as hard as a rock.

It's really not worth the stress. Given it's so close just roll with it, bring your own cake and resolve to never give a joint party again.

The more you reply the nastier you sound I'm starting to think there's more to this "story" and it's actually you who's the problem

I was being sarcastic. Sorry you didn't get it. The original problem was her child wanted A and OPs wanted B.

The other mother wouldn't budge so why should OP

I don't think it's uncommon to have two cakes at a joint party

She's probably a little miffed people may talk about the cake you get for your son more than the one she makes but it's cake at the end of the day it's something that's acknowledged for a moment and then forgotten and shoved at the bottom of a party bag

I do hope you didn't tell her your opinion on her cake making abilities as that is just cruel

I think you are getting a hard time on here OP re the 'mediocre baker and bland cakes' comment. I am a keen baker and have been asked to bake cakes for people but every birthday and Mother's Day my husband has a cake made at the local patisserie - utterly delicious, other wise I make my own - utterly delicious.

It sounds s if you were roped in to help with the cost of her child's party. She has a nerve accusing you (via her husband) of imposing your will on her when she has dismissed your suggestions of food and decorations. Did you tell her husband this?

I knew a couple of school mum friends since nursery who fell out over a joint party when one took over and the invites were unequal. They had children in the same class but never spoke again.

From what you have said, it doesn't sound as if it you were good friends to begin with - so no loss. In that case, either try to get out of it. Keep the decorations, go back to your original food and party bags and cake. If you can't back of of it, order the cake your child wants. It's his birthday too.

Good luck

Should’ve added this to my previous post. Two cakes would be entirely normal and absolutely expected. I went to a joint party for two cousins last weekend and they had two, and we all sung twice. Very different cakes albeit the same size, roughly.

This!! You may not have much of a stomach for voicing your own desires but really, it’s pretty poor to just go along with her choices when it isn’t what your child wants! Joint birthdays are always a bit of a hassle I’ve found. Not that I’ve ever done one, but through friends etc.

we were imposing our will on her

She was happy to impose her will
on you, though?

You should have separate cakes if you want them, it’s not unreasonable. Or split the cost on one big cake with two themes- I’ve seen this done. I do think you are being a bit mean to assume a cake made by a ‘hobby baker’ will be bland and not very good. I say this as I’m an amateur baker whose cakes are delicious- I’m biased of course- albeit I’m not much cop at decorating.
Id also be worried that if you separate the parties now your kid will lose out on some people coming who will choose to go to the other party if they are the same date? I’ve been to one or two joint parties which were joint because people wanted the same date.

Hello. If she’s not talking to you, this is a perfect time to text to say looks like we want different things for this party which is fair enough. I want you to have the party you want for your son and I’ll do my own thing….

Really OTT reaction to a suggestion of 2 cakes and I think the day itself will likely have her son centre stage. I’d take this moment to back away…good luck!

I did a joint party for my sons 6th in may with his friend in the same class who turned 6 a week later. We spilt all costs inc venue, party bags, food and shared doing the catering but the children both had separate cakes as they can’t really blow out candles together! And wanted different cakes !

We did a joint 5th (ds and his friend were joined at the hip at the time) and we did two cakes. It all worked fine.
If your dc is ok with everything else I’d happily let the other parent organise and charge me half but I’d put my foot down over two cakes

OP she sounds like the type of person if the issue wasn't the cake it would be something else. The issue isn't the actual cake it's the not getting her own way on things.
And ignore those on here making an issue about getting professional to make a cake. I'm a decent cook but not at all great baker. Id never invite guests to a party and serve a cake I'd baked.

I have never been to a joint party where there was only 1 cake, its always been separate cakes for each birthday child.

Having had joint parties for my own with their friends, we have always sorted our own cakes out. Ours home-baked and theirs professional baked. Now I am not classed as a professional baker but I could be if I wanted to, I just don't want to bake for a living.

I might be bias but pretty sure our cakes tasted equally as good and both definitely looked very pleasing 🎂 🎂

Home-baked can be just as great as a professional cake and dare I say it, sometimes even better 🤷‍♀️

Personally I think it depends who makes them - I couldn't bake a nice cake to save my life. Whenever I make a cake even those that you get in a box kit they always taste dry and bland and horrible.
My sister and mum on the other hand their cakes are amazing!

She might also be worried that the OPs child will look like a second class citizen at his own birthday party with his non home made clothes that had to be outsourced to make his mothers life easier 🙄

She might but she's not trying to make the OP's child squeeze into the same outfit her son will be wearing.

You’re right about having two cakes but wrong about homemade being inferior- it’s often the other way round.

Did you say all that stuff about mediocre baking etc to the other mum? If so, I suspect that is the issue.

She might also be worried that the OPs child will look like a second class citizen at his own birthday party with his non home made clothes that had to be outsourced to make his mothers life easier 🙄

I'd be putting the husband straight. Im sure shell be telling him a different story but I'd be politely saying to him that you've said yes to everything that she wanted so far, the only thing that you're saying is that you are having an individual cake for your child, as she wants them to share a cake that is suited to her child, and she has taken a massive strop.

And stick to the cake you're having, don't let your DC down to appease her and her DC.

@WittyOrca

Why don't you agree to have same cake but ask for the character your child wants. See what her response is then!!!!

Just get through the party and don't do joint again. Your child won't have a clue of all these issues and will blissfully have the time of their life with you watching happily on the sideline

Good luck 👍

This post shows me I moved in very different circles when my (now older teenager) kids were young. Catering and professionally made cakes for a 5th birthday?! Catering was just for weddings, for a kids party food was sausage rolls, carrot sticks, pork pies etc etc, party was in something like a scout hut 😁.

Or she's worried that your child will look like a second class citizen at his own birthday party with his non-home made cake that had to be outsourced to make his mother's life easier.

THIS.

They want it their way with you paying 50%.

Cheeky blighters.

Perhaps she thinks that the other parents will think she's a cow for making a cake for her own child and then leaving you in a situation where you have to outsource yours because you are too busy to make one.