Separate cakes at a joint birthday party

She’s probably feeling hurt that you rejected her offer to share and hurt that you feel that home made isn’t good enough for your son. Sounds like she can’t afford shop bought and maybe feels her son will be upset by the potential upstaging. Plus a lot of mums feel like a home made cake is a ‘mum thing’ and shows a lot of care and love. I don’t personally but I know a lot of people that do.

They go on and on, to the point where they then take over the entire thread like some sort of rabid dog with a small animal between it's teeth.

Extremely nasty post.

They take anything the OP says like a personal attack on THEMSELVES...
On Mumsnet, projection is Queen.

Ironic too.

They certainly do.

It is very tiresome indeed when certain posters identify with a thread poster's nemesis. Whether that be rightly or wrongly but most often wrongly with plentiful and continuous wilful misinterpretation and selective reading.
They take anything the OP says like a personal attack on THEMSELVES.
They go on and on, to the point where they then take over the entire thread like some sort of rabid dog with a small animal between it's teeth. On Mumsnet, projection is Queen.

You have clearly stated, on several occasions, that you have not voiced your opinions of this one person's cakes out loud but some keep speaking as if you walked up to her cake and screamed, "this tastes like shit", in front of half the town.

They sound mental, always a cake each at joint parties why wouldn’t each child have their own candles to blow out

Even when my children had a joint birthday party one time (birthdays 6 days apart) they each had their own birthday cake, my daughter's was my little pony themed & my son's cake was ninja turtles.
I would back out her son's party and have one for your son with his own cake and things that he loves!

I think people are just interested in whether OP tried to explain her preference for two cakes by telling the other mum what a shit baker she is 😂

I’ve held many “joint” birthday parties over the years, where I have funded everything bar their birthday cake. Children ALWAYS get their own cake. Blowing out the candles is special for them.
Sing Happy Birthday together, and either have “happy birthday Jack’n’Ella” or make it a competition and ask one side of the table to say Jack, and the other Ella and see which side is loudest. It’s all good fun.
(oh, and buy a traybake cake from the supermarket for party bags, use the “real” cakes for home)

Yes!
As far as I can see, OP had gone along with all the other things that the other parents want, so if anyone is 'imposing their will'on anything, it isn't OP.
Of course each child should have their own cake.
Again, I don't see how OP taking ownership of supplying the cake for her own child is a problem.

Having negotiated a number of primary school parties, I have concluded that some parents are absolutely batshit crazy about these things and it's all about them, not what their children want.

Actually, I don't have any immediate preference. As long as the cake tastes good and can be done according to preference, I'm happy with either store bought/commissioned or home made. That's all that matters. I've tasted good and bad of both so i know one isn't automatically superior to the other. Therefore I have no problem with your preference and think you're entitled to it. Like I said earlier, I felt the woman was being a CF getting annoyed with you over you wanting to have a different cake for your son.

I just don't know why this issue has been left to this point. I wouldn't be doing a joint party with anyone who's not talking to me if I'm not expecting anything/help from them (in other words, there's no choice but to continue) or if I'm the one supposedly with the financial upper hand (In other words, why should i be paying for this person's attitude as well?). I'd split ways and do my own thing for my child. Life's too short for unnecessary drama.

Why is everyone so butt-hurt over the homemade v professional thing?

This woman was trying to insist on a joint cake based solely on her son's preference. For a joint party! And is now full on sulking about it.

That's pretty shitty behaviour.

The homemade/professional part is irrelevant.

I have twins. For a few years, when they were smaller, we did separate cakes, but honestly there was so much wastage, in the last couple of years we've gone for joint cakes and they don't seem to care.

I get that it's different when it's family though.

Your kid will not think, "Ooh, joint cake." He'll think, "That's Arthur's cake."

And that's what the other mum's thinking too.

Try this. Say, "Sure, joint cake, but my son gets to do the candles and all that first."

I suspect she'll object to that. And you'll be able to ask why.

To be honest I don’t really understand why you’re putting up with her nonsense @WittyOrca

So many people are terrified of any conflict or confrontation that end up in a situation completely removed from what they’d like.

If I could afford it I’d just pull out. Ask for any money I paid to be returned (with no expectation of actually receiving it), and forget about it.

It’s far from unreasonable for your son to have his own birthday cake. It’s his birthday! If this is her hill to die on they you can only walk away.

This hit the nail on the head.

She sounds like a lunatic. You are completely reasonable to get your DS his own cake. Not sure why people are having a go at you and making out that you said all homemade cakes are bland 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have twins and do two cakes and 2 songs

I agree. The more OP posts, the more I can see some inner nastiness snide remarks she must have made. Someone blowing her top and refusing to talk to you because you 'simply wanted to get your son his own cake' was mad and I was prepared to call the woman a CF or something but I don't think OP is as innocent as she makes herself seem. I also don't think the conversation was that simple especially if you've come so far with them to 2 weeks left. Both parties were happy to split the bill, not just them.

this is a terrible idea from the get go but a suggestion would be two cakes of different flavours eg if she makes vanilla sponge order chocolate that way kids can get to choose between which flavours they want - and don’t repeat this joint birthday business lol

It's a shame it's too late for you to back out of the shared party, OP (unless you were planning a smaller party at home?). But there's no problem having two separate cakes. Completely different situation, but DS went to the party of twins and they had a cake each at their party, so they both got to blow out their own candles and feel special.