MIL strikes again

I think that's a dangerous suggestion - I've also not heard of babies succumbing to SIDS making noises as if distressed. A monitor is not enough. My oldest is almost 18 and the advice when he was born was to be in the same room for all sleeps.

My child is 22 and the advice was six months old for weaning. I think it was new advice because I remember my health visitor mentioning it was a change. I suppose it took a while to filter through as official guidance,

can i not be cut a bit of slack just once

Are you actually serious? Was she not cutting you slack when she did all the extra childcare for you this month? You clearly don’t like this woman but feel like it’s perfectly acceptable to use her for free childcare, and let’s be real, it’s most likely to be her doing the majority, otherwise your FiL could come to yours to look after your baby today. You’re a user. What have YOU done for HER recently? Or do you feel you don’t owe her anything?

No-one is perfect. The day my daughter came home from hospital, it was snowing, my parents came to pick us up and I put my daughter in her car seat in a snowsuit. No-one told me any different and as neither of us drove at the time, I hadn't done any carbseat research. She survived, because we didn't crash. If I saw another mother about to take her newborn somewhere in a car, I would straight away tell her that that is very dangerous, not because I'm judging her for not knowing but because I assume every mother wants her baby to be as safe as possible.

I do feel sorry for mums in the past, before we had the internet and when science about child development was in its early stages. I'm sure the countless parents who lost babies to preventable causes, and all the adults suffering preventable health problems, wish they'd had that knowledge, which has reduced infant mortality in 2024 to 1/10 of what it was in 1950.

I will never think my daughter is "bonkers" for following the best science we have at the time based on all the research that will be done between now and then to keep her babies safe. I would be very worried if she decided to disregard anything new in favour of parenting the exact way I've done.

You are also unreasonable to describe the visit of StepMiL’s own grandchild as a ‘playdate’.

Thread title says it all. Mill strikes again indeed.

Should read 'Entitled mother stamps foot petulantly'

OP you will be a MIL one day. Think on.

Are you a troll?

Weaning and having baby in own room is not recommended unt six months, especially not having in own room as can prevent SIDS being in with you so she has a point to be worried.

You should be at home with your child if he's sick don't have children if you don't care when they are unwell ffs

YABVU - other children don't need to catch your child's germs, thank you very much!!

You don't sound like you appreciate what they do for you very much! I think if your baby is ill, either you or your partner should stay home with him. If he's full of cold he's probably feeling pretty rotten and at 10 months he can't tell you. Keep him home in the warm and don't expose others to the virus.

It could be psychological? When baby is sleeping next to you in a cot they can hear you snoring or moving about. It may give them some comfort knowing you are close. If a baby sleeps alone they could feel more distressed. Babies live inside you for 9 months all they know is you. Mother and baby are suddenly seperated is a shock for baby. My son took it the hardest out of all my babies he was always crying the first 6 weeks.

The ops mil was probably left in a pram to cry in the garden. That's what was advised to her parents back in the 50's and 60's. You wonder how the human race survived. Another poster said I can't go back in time and change anything she was a healthy baby and is now a healthy adult. I can't live on regrets what do you want me to say she's fucked. Well I'm not going to and it's pointless making the op feel bad explain to her what could happen and give advice another poster called her an idiot. How's that helping women are meant to be caring and nurturing so they say. This is Mumsnet after all.

You may think the new guidelines later is bonkers but she will tell you it's right what's she's doing.

My lovely MIL did exhaust me when my children were small with her outdated "knowledge'. Children should sleep on their stomachs and you can give them cheese when 5 m old etc. I found that the best way to deal with it was to say "I've asked their pediatrician, he's firmly against it". I did this with everything because if I told her that I read it on NHS guidelines she would not give up. But she knew the doctor so he was like god to her. Poor fellow, if he knew how much he has "told me" during the years 😄

@dragonfliesandbees "Being in the same room as another person is protective against SIDS. A baby monitor is no substitute for a person."

So interesting. It's the first time I hear this. Mine are 11 and 14 and the advice I was given (and looked up) was to not have them sleep on a soft surface, never on their tummy and not having anything in the bed that could block their airways. Not too hot in the room, well aired, absolutely not in the same bed as parents. I followed the advice religiously but they did have their own nursery with baby monitor always on ofcourse. From what I can find about the bebefits of children sleeping with their parents (in their own cot) is that it seems to lessen the risk for SIDS but nobody can explain why. It could be that SIDS happening when babies are in their own room is simply due to not having the baby monitor on so not hearing if a baby is distressed.

I would also judge you for starting him on solids too early.

You or your DH should be taking time off to look after your sick child. Poor little thing.

I have never heard anyone be unkind to someone for doing what was the best advice they had at the time. Unfortunately, people don't stop there, they continue to talk about how they/their baby was "fine" and therefore it was perfectly safe.

When my daughter has her own children, I'm sure she will tell me some advice is now different based on the latest research, and I will continue to think it's brilliant that the more we learn the better able we are to take care of our precious babies and keep them safe.

just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

Well she’s right about both those things isn’t she, you’re not supposed to start them on solids at 4 months and they’re not supposed to be in their own room until 12 months 😂

Like another poster said the guidelines will change when your children have children. Any stories you tell them the same response will be given to you.

Well, she comes in handy providing free childcare so I would say it's normal that she questions you about things. Especially when her concerns are valid according to pediatric practice. But sure, pay a baby-sitter instead, she won't say anything because less emotionally invested in your DC.

No, but the poster could think twice before saying to others "Well I did the badly-advised thing and my one anecdote appears to show it turned out fine" as it might impact others to make a similar choice statistically likely to lead to bad outcomes.

Do you think you might possibly criticise the OP for her poor parenting choices without disrespecting previous generations, who faithfully followed the guidance they were given - just as you are doing?

I have a newsflash for you - by the time your children have children the guidance will have changed again, and they will criticise you.

1/10. 'Strikes again'? I'm disappointed. I hoped this was going to be a dinger of a tale.

She's at university now what more can I do as a parent?
Please tell me

The op works and is obviously worrying about money. She has to take a deep breath and not look at being a failure as a parent or provider because she isn't. She will probably have to take the day off it won't be the end of the world. I don't think she should be made to feel worse as a mother no one knows her financial situation.

Weaning isn’t advices until 6 months so I’d comment on that too if I was a family member.

Youre also being massively unreasonable about expecting them to look after an ill child.

My parents were supposed to have DD this week but instead I took a day off work as she’s ill and I don’t want my parents getting ill. It’s just what you have to do.

Sounds like someone needs to question your poor parenting decisions. If you don’t want this level of involvement then stop using them for childcare.