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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL strikes again

416 replies

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 12:53

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

OP posts:
Haggia · 10/10/2024 13:42

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

You def shouldn’t be putting them in this awkward position. Of course they will get ill from your kid’s virus. It’s on you to look after them, not your PIL.

Momtotwokids · 10/10/2024 13:41

Until everyone told you you were wrong you post how she treats you. Right

Olika · 10/10/2024 13:41

You are being unreasonable. Your child is sick and it's your/DP's responsibility to take care of him.

MilesOfCarpetTiles · 10/10/2024 13:41

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

Questioning isn't "judging", especially when it's going against mainstream advice, like "look after your baby when he is ill".

5128gap · 10/10/2024 13:41

How has she 'struck again' does she make a habit of letting you down?

TheDeepLemonHelper · 10/10/2024 13:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

mummytrex · 10/10/2024 13:39

You're being unreasonable. Her questioning prior judgment seems to be clouding your judgment re her not wanting to expose the other kids to getting sick of it can be avoided. I'm afraid she doesn't owe you childcare. I say this as the parent of a toddler so I get it's hard, but she isn't in the wrong here.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 10/10/2024 13:39

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

And what has that got to do with this situation? Are you claiming she is judging you by saying she doesn't and to expose the other child?

If you feel so strongly about her then should stop using her for free childcare and find other alternatives. Sorry you are still very unreasonable in this situation.

Katielovesteatime · 10/10/2024 13:38

Just seen your update! So, she's willing to get sick herself to care for your child so that you don't have to take a day off work. And you're complaining about her?!

2dogsandabudgie · 10/10/2024 13:38

He needs to be at home with you or your husband. Nothing worse than looking after a poorly baby who just wants the comfort of mum or dad. He'll just be really miserable and it's not fair on your baby or in laws.

Katielovesteatime · 10/10/2024 13:38

She provides free child care and you have the audacity to be angry with her because she doesn't want to get sick or make her grandchild sick?!

StevieNic · 10/10/2024 13:38

You shouldn’t even be sending a 10 month old somewhere else overnight. They need their parents at that age. To complain about having to look after your own child when they are ill is just unbelievable.

Why did you have a child?!

MSLRT · 10/10/2024 13:37

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

Starting on solids is not advised before 6 months so maybe she is just trying to help.

Woahtherehoney · 10/10/2024 13:37

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

But in this case you are wrong - you or your partner should be looking after your child and not risking making your in laws sick!

Lemonadeand · 10/10/2024 13:36

If he was at nursery they would be sending him home. It’s just the reality of babies and childcare, unfortunately. You are really lucky to have family childcare but you need to adjust your expectations slightly.

WildFlowerBees · 10/10/2024 13:36

Bloody hell, parent your child. You're lucky to have someone willing to provide childcare at all.

Original poster
againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 13:36

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

OP posts:
Katielovesteatime · 10/10/2024 13:35

Of course you're being unreasonable!

Momtotwokids · 10/10/2024 13:35

MIL didn't strike anything. Your child is sick and you are responsible. Maybe she doesn't want sick also.

socks1107 · 10/10/2024 13:35

Yabvu.
She is worried about germs and your child being unwell. And of course she wants to spend time with her other grandchild.
Can't believe you mocked her here for it.

scotstars · 10/10/2024 13:33

againanothernamechange · 10/10/2024 12:53

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

YABU when a baby has been poorly all week it's down to you to look after them lots of parents seem to have this belief they can't take time off the reality is you don't have a choice

Perhaps your mil is fed up that what was an agreement for once a month appears to have increased in frequency and is taking this opportunity to push back.
Do you only make effort to go there when you need childcare or do you see them socially/spending quality time together?

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 10/10/2024 13:32

You are unbelievably lucky to have PIL that offer regular overnight childcare. Such an unfair thread title for your poor MIL!! YABVU

ClarasSisters · 10/10/2024 13:32

Your child is sick, you look after them. A nursery or other childcare setting wouldn't take them if they were sick.

Bluevelvetsofa · 10/10/2024 13:32

Your partner’s mother hasn’t ’struck again’. Shes quite reasonably, declined to look after your child who is unwell.

Since you rely on her for regular childcare, you’re being remarkable selfish to speak of her in this way and even more selfish to expect her to take your unwell child, especially as she’s also got another grandchild to look after.

Neither she, or the cousin and the rest of the family will want germs passed around.

If she hears about the way you have spoken about her, I hope she declines to look after your child in future.

Your child and your partner’s. One of you needs to step up and be very grateful that you have someone for free regular childcare.

skippy67 · 10/10/2024 13:30

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