MIL strikes again

@againanothernamechange YABU. And solids are advised by medical professionals post 6 months as is keeping them in your room.

Mil is literally on point with current well researched guidelines. She isn't barking back to her day.

umm … you started him on solids at 4 months? She is regularly providing childcare which enables you to work in my book this means she’s not overstepping by questioning you when you go against current advice.

Or just looking for responses (I’ve learned not to say the naughty ‘ T ‘ word for fear of being deleted)

Reverse. Got to be.

I guess if you feel judged and don’t like her opinions, find alternative childcare.

She is doing you a favour - already more than usual this month you said?

She does not want to be sick, she does want to spend time with her other GC - and presumably not increase her / their chances of being ill…

If you push it, or just sound as p!$$ed of as you do here, she may well stop offering altogether.

Get used to being a parent, when they are sick, one of you has to take time off work.

Keep the goodwill childcare - you will really need it when they start school to cover the holidays!

if you had said 'he's a little off colour' I would have said YANBU. But you're saying 'full of cold' which for kids I'm thinking streaming nose, coughing everywhere, headache etc etc. I don't want to be around anyone full of cold.
Massively YABU

Grandparents have opinions - it's not a crime! She's not obliged to be silent until required to provide you with childcare!
Be grateful she cares enough about your baby's wellbeing, to bother expressing any concerns!

It's a fact of life that when you invite family members into the raising of your child, they feel invested and entitled to share their pov. If you want to take a myob approach to grandparents, you can't also use them for your own convenience.

Tbh your thread title reveals a lot about you and it doesn't come across well.
Mil is allowed to want 'quality time' with her daughter's child. And not pass on illness to that child. Ask yourself if you would genuinely not mind if the boot was on the other foot and it was your baby being needlessly exposed to illness. I suspect you'd not be okay with it at all!

It sucks trying to balance work and kids but in all honesty lots of childcare providers won't mind unwell children. And often you'd still be stuck with the bill, whether your baby attended the setting or not. Your mil is saving you thousands - be a bit grateful and hope she doesn't see this thread and tell you to fuck right off!

Wow. I find the entitlement to grandparents time on here really odd - and why is this all her? What is your dad doing? Surely he could look after his unwell grandchild and she can see hers if you are totally stuck?

I think this is a total wind up.

You sound horrendously entitled and judgemental.

MIL is in fact asserting her boundaries and protecting the other child and herself from catching whatever it is. And are you 100% sure it isn't COVID or flu?

You on the other hand are being very unreasonable.

Look after your own child. Especially when they're sick.

If my daughter is ill then nursery don’t allow her in. It cocks up work for me or husband, but that’s the reality of having children I’m afraid. It’s no different because they are unpaid/informal childcare.

Agree with other PPs that YABU.

My parents have DS 1-2 times a month for the weekend (mainly because they adore him rather than for childcare, although we do really appreciate it from a childcare perspective too). If DS is really unwell I keep him home - if he’s recovering from a cold or teething I warn them that he’s off so they have a choice as to whether they still want to have him or not. They are nearly 70 now so being up with a poorly child and extra colds is the last thing they need. Plus if he’s really poorly, he needs his mummy.

It’s cold season now so I’m expecting DS to have bugs back to back now, he’s already had a cold followed by croup (was really poorly that time). He’s no doubt caught that from another kid whose parent thought “it’s only a cold” before blithely sending their DC to sensory class / playgroup. My parents don’t have any other GC, but would never want DS to expose a cousin to his bugs if they did.

You and I are both very lucky that we have parents / in laws providing regular childcare. Lots of mums in my mums group (including a couple of single mums) don’t have access to that, it’s nursery or nothing. I would appreciate what they’re doing for you rather than blowing off on MN about the fact MIL doesn’t want her other GC getting poorly!

I would question those things too..

You wound lazy and uninformed.

Cor you've got some neck on ya

I think your dh's step mom is being amazing frankly! She helps you out a ton!

And she's right about solids. Not until 6 months, and it is recommended they sleep in your room up until a year old.

Maybe she is just sharing things her daughter has done since the babies are close in age.

Striking again? Poor woman. Something she offers out of love and a wish to help is being treated as an obligation.

Seriously? Are you really asking this? 🤣 of course you’re being unreasonable! You seem to want to revert to type and paint her as the “wicked” stepmother just because she’s not his real mum. It’s awful of you to send your child and stop her from seeing her daughter’s child! How self serving do you have to be to shove your unwell child into the responsibility of someone else and just pass his germs around. The reality of being a parent of young kids is you have to take time off work to look after them! If he was in nursery they’d refuse him until he’s well.

I'd be careful if I were you - you might find your at least monthly (but by the sound of it more) overnight childcare comes to a screeching halt if you continue like this...

Sorry OP but you are in the wrong. If your child has a cold, he stays home with either parent. Saying you can't take time off work is refusing to accept the primary responsibility you both have as parents.

If you feel questioned by your MIL, it's even more reason to find alternative childcare options. You can't expect them to look after your sick child and then criticise her because you feel questioned as a parent.

But she’s right with everything she has questioned you about. Your health visitor would have questioned the same things.

Your child should be more important than you having to go to work when they're Ill. It's your job to look after him.

I think before you (or anyone) forms an agreement RE childcare with grandparents you have to be crystal clear on what the agreement is if the child is ill.
My kids go/went to nursery and yes, if they were too unwell to go my mum cared for them sometimes depending on the illness. If it required a GP appointment or was very worrying, of course we took time off but we simply couldn’t every time one or the other was ill (but not that ill). But that was our mutual agreement that we were all happy with. And sadly you are finding that your MIL ‘policy’ is different and unfortunately that is her choice…

Sorry, but you are taking the piss here. Give your head a wobble, either you or your husband take time off to care for your sick baby (even 'just' a cold is a big deal to a baby and makes them feel miserable), thank her for her concern and give the woman some damned respect, because she absolutely deserves it.

Read your first post and thought YABU read this next comment and YABVU! MIL is still offering to have your child when he’s not well so why are you complaining. I don’t understand the ‘MIL strikes again’ comment, they look after your child every month and extra this month, she hasn’t said to cancel grandchild coming so you won’t be affected so where is the issue? She’s asked you if he’s well enough to go that’s a normal question.
Solids are not advised before 6 months which is probably why she had questions.
They are doing you a massive favour by doing childcare but you need to remember you’re not entitled to it, they choose to do it because they want to.