Anyone else have a dp who does this?

It can be quite hard to change to doing something else instantly if you live with neurodiversity.

Every neurodiverse person will have a process to manage change and it sounds like this is his process which is likely different to yours so hard to understand.

If it's someone else (visitors or work colleagues, someone serving in a shop) he may be expecting a conversation and is prepared to concentrate on what they may say. If you just speak while he is sitting down not necessarily expecting you to speak he may not hear, particularly if you are behind him.

It sounds like he is not really present, like he has something else on his mind or is just disrespectful. I would ask him directly what’s going on,

Or even moderate hearing loss, sounds like he hears something and is trying to figure out what you said or have an excuse to make you repeat it.

If he’s not doing it to others, it’s a choice. He doesn’t like what you’re saying, so he ignores you. I bet if you said something like would you like steak and a blow job he’d hear you just fine.

Agreed.

It's a cunning way to silence you OP. I'm sorry, it's hard to come to the realisation.

My ex still yawns loudly, interrupting me every time I talk (only ever about the DC though).

If he doesn't do it to anyone else it's complete and utter contempt for you.

Unfortunately that doesn't change.

My ex had similar behaviours. I was beginning to wonder if he had autistic traits but, knowing what I know now and being able to see his behaviour for what it was now that I've got the headspace to think clearly, they were just subtle forms of control. Some abuse is quite obvious, even when you are in the midst of it, then there's the very insidious type that is so easily deniable and harder for people to recognise.

Be careful with this one @autienotnaughty , don't dismiss it as something he can't help, especially when he saves it for you 💐

He does hear you speaking. He's training you to do as he tells you. You deserve better.

I’d definitely consider it then if he’s a good partner in other ways, try treating him on the basis that it is an autistic trait and if he responds to it then you have your answer without any animosity between you.

We went down the right to choose path for an assessment to speed things up, it’s made a huge difference to DP’s life and your partner might find the same.

Before my friend picked up on this I’d have probably posted completely differently.

This sounds like delaying tactics to give him time to think about an answer to your question or request.
Sounds very annoying though!

He doesn’t have mild hearing loss by any chance? (Just a thought)

I have a DP who does similar, if he’s watching tv and I need to ask him something I usually have to ask him several times, when he answers he does sound impatient and can be snappy.

I used to be hurt and angry thinking he was deliberately ignoring me, he will often say “what?” and then as I’m repeating he will answer, which is annoying.
He also repeats questions back to himself and it felt like he was trying to buy time to think of an answer so I suspected he was lying sometimes.

We had a few arguments and I said I felt like a nuisance to him and frustrated at being ignored.

My friend was round at our house one evening and she hadn’t spent much time with my partner at that point but had heard about our arguments, she was observing him through the evening. At one point DP was engrossed in something on tv, my friend started waving her hand in front of his face, DP just moved his head to see properly without speaking.

My friend has 3 autistic kids and has done a lot of reading and courses on autism and said we should consider getting DP assessed, we did as she advised and she was spot on.
I have learnt lots of different ways to approach DP and we communicate far better. He often does things like cough or yawn when he’s asked something, it just gives him more time to process things - as does repeating the question.

If your husband is good to you in every other way then it’s highly possible he’s not doing this consciously, you mention you have a child with SEN which can be hereditary.
If he is just ignoring you then that’s different and needs addressing! I know it can be upsetting and frustrating, if I ever have to give DP important information I make sure he repeats it back and sometimes we write it down or I text him. It’s much easier to live with now I know it’s not deliberate though. He

Have you tried doing the same to him to see how he reacts ?

The next time he tries to talk to you, yawn really loudly and say 'what?" in a really annoyed way

When he's gone through his rituals is he then an active listener?

I do this with my husband when I'm trying to relax. I don't mean to but I'm very busy during the day and my kids are up and down stairs all night so when I get 2 minutes to sip my drink and look at crap on my phone I end up hearing him but not processing it.

Sounds to me like hes deeply distracted by something, and when you speak youre pulling him away from where he was. The sneezing, walking away are delaying tactics while he gets himself back together again. Has he any worries?

My ex used to do that. He'd have a coughing for every time I spoke.

Didn't happen when it was others speaking to him though

He's not lovely though is he, OP. That's a horrible way to treat someone 😟

He doesn't sound 'lovely' if he's snapping at you and deliberately choosing when he can answer you. Does he like to have an 'air of superiority'? I think some men/people often do this as a form of control. They decide to answer in their own time and enjoy thinking of you squirming waiting for an answer. I had an ex boss who did this.