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Original poster

To have grabbed phone off DD and shouted at DH

134 replies

GrilledPrawn · 09/10/2024 23:41

Teen DD has had plenty of warning/time/reminders to get homework done.

DH works 6 til 9, does very, very little support with our two children.
I’d already helped DD/DS with assignments. Put DS to bed. DD had started on her last assignment of two. DH arrived home, and I thought he’d help her finish off if needed.

i got ready for bed, but at 10 could still hear her downstairs crying. DH is just watching TV.
I went down to help. She finished and I told her to then go to bed.
She didn’t.

10.30 so now I’m insisting she goes to bed, but she wants to print something off.

I insist that we do it in the morning.
DD refuses, shouts at me - and now DH decides to join in and tries to get the printer working, but it’s not responding. I know I can do the printing from my phone in the morning.
This makes things worse as it’s undermining my stance and now DD is siding with DH.

I shout at them both and insist that DD goes to bed.
She goes - shouting at me.
I then check 15 mins later, and she’s in her room on her phone.

So I take it but need to grab it out her hand as she refuses.
DH then joins in (to undermine me) and I just shout at him to leave it.

DD wants her phone back, but I’m keeping it until sleep and then apologies in the morning.
DH is really pissing me off. He had the chance to help her, but didn’t. And then when he did decide to get involved he just made things worse.

OP posts:
username3678 · 10/10/2024 00:10

GrilledPrawn · 10/10/2024 00:05

What prompted me to intervene was DD sobbing downstairs. I initially calmed her down so she could finish her homework and helped her.

On a school night, I don’t think she should still be up at 11, and it was getting later and later.

And I think DH working those hours daily is ridiculous, but he won’t organise/change roles or do anything about it.

I work too, plus all housework/mental load.

Weekend, nothing is organised unless I do it. Otherwise he’s on his phone/watching TV.

There are a few things here. First what time does she get home from school and why was she still doing homework at 10?

Why was she crying? Does she normally take her phone to bed if so, is it monitored and is she getting enough sleep?

Menopausemayhem · 10/10/2024 00:09

Sounds a very unhappy household

ScrollingLeaves · 10/10/2024 00:08

GrilledPrawn · 10/10/2024 00:05

What prompted me to intervene was DD sobbing downstairs. I initially calmed her down so she could finish her homework and helped her.

On a school night, I don’t think she should still be up at 11, and it was getting later and later.

And I think DH working those hours daily is ridiculous, but he won’t organise/change roles or do anything about it.

I work too, plus all housework/mental load.

Weekend, nothing is organised unless I do it. Otherwise he’s on his phone/watching TV.

It sounds as though everyone was tired from a day that was much too long. No one was wrong, just tired and wound up. Try not to worry.

Original poster
GrilledPrawn · 10/10/2024 00:05

What prompted me to intervene was DD sobbing downstairs. I initially calmed her down so she could finish her homework and helped her.

On a school night, I don’t think she should still be up at 11, and it was getting later and later.

And I think DH working those hours daily is ridiculous, but he won’t organise/change roles or do anything about it.

I work too, plus all housework/mental load.

Weekend, nothing is organised unless I do it. Otherwise he’s on his phone/watching TV.

OP posts:
loopyluloopy · 10/10/2024 00:03

I think you are so used to doing things yourself, that when your DH gets involved you don't feel like it's very helpful. You can't have it both ways, you either wants his help or not. And you can't have the attitude of 'you are doing it wrong because it's not the way I'd do it'.

You are a team, and need to work as one. Tbf, it sounds like he was trying to defuse the situation to just get you to stop shouting - whether it was helpful to you or not. The biggest concern here, is your DD shouting and refusing to give you the phone at bedtime.

Idontevenknowmyname · 09/10/2024 23:55

Carrying on shouting especially at bedtime helps no one.
Control yourself op. You can’t control other people.
It all sounds completely unnecessary, and honestly how much help does a teen need with this? You’ve made a mountain out of a molehill.
Plug the devices in to charge, go to bed, apologise that you were ridiculous in the morning, and move on.
Theres really no need for all this drama.

Kittybluecat · 09/10/2024 23:53

You were being controlling over bedtime, the printer and her phone. You kept escalating. You threw a tantrum basically all because DH annoyed you.

Aysegull · 09/10/2024 23:52

Tbh sounds like you’re the one who caused the fuss and made things worse.

Anotherparkingthread · 09/10/2024 23:50

Husband is shattered after a 16 hour work shift. He can sit and watch TV for a bit.

It sounds like the only person getting upset here was you. Had you not been there at all I presume DD would have printed her thing with help of DH and then gone to bedm I'm not quite sure what you want anybody to apologise for.