To have grabbed phone off DD and shouted at DH

I agree with this. Unless there were serious consequences (like a piece if assessed coursework due) then sobbing at night because she'd left it too late to complete a piece of work because she'd been wasting time in her phone would be a lesson learnt. Agree I think you need a set routine with an hour set aside for homework where you will help and no phones in bed.

Teenagers are a mess of hormones arent they? Theyre still children but thinkntheyre adults then pull off behaviour that shows they're children eg not getting homework done.

@GrilledPrawn it sounds to me like you are tired and no wonder. You put in more hours than your DP does with a full time job and all house and kids responsibilities. You need to sit down with him and reassign work to him. Also talk to him about how his actions undermine you because you're right, they did.

Homework is a burden. Your teen DD needs to learn that homework first means she can do what she likes on her phone afterwards. She can't be left to decide this herself, so sadly you will need to put things in place to help her. I'm sure once she gets into the swing of it, she'll realise how liberating getting rid of a burden asap actually is. (I used to do the majority of my homework during breaks and over lunch at school so I was free of it asap and could go see my friends - mobile phones weren't around then 😉)

Def keep her phone until she apologies for her behaviour. Shouting etc at a parent is OOO even if you were, rightly angry first.

Sending a hug, it's not easy doing everything at home and working full time. You are in essence a single parent.

I would have a set amount of phone free/study time say 6-8. Then assuming everything is done she gets it back. I would also have a no phone rule overnight so would request it back at bedtime.

🙄

How old is your DD op?

Sounds really late at night to be doing homework

I'm sorry your husband isn't more help, is it worth having a serious discussion with him? If he doesn't make some changes perhaps look at ending things.

Poor kid.

Dh is the problem. He needs to cut back or step up on weekends to give you a break. What's the point if your doing it all solo. What use is he to you, if there's no marriage and he's shit with the kids.

husband is an absolute avoider. I have worked with many. all men, of course. Staying in the office bantering with the trainees and apprentices at 7.30pm so they don’t have to go home and face bedtime. Wankers.

Er, OP does work. At least read her posts before jumping to her “poor” DH’s defence.

It really makes me sick that people are accusing you of micro-managing because you want to limit screen time and ensure your kids have enough sleep!

Why are parents so afraid of parenting past a certain age? Because it's perceived as controlling? That's crazy. Of course they need to feel independent and manage their own work load/ screen/ social time. But when is becomes damaging and detrimental to their health eg not enough sleep, missing deadlines, emotional outbursts as has happened here you have to step in. It would be neglectful if you didn't, you have to be uncool, stuffy parent sometimes unapologetically.

We all lose our cool op, everyone. I am glad things are better between two you today.

And for the people asking about whether the op works, I hope it's to help rather than to be critical.

I have no idea why you’re getting such a hard time.

• of course it’s appropriate to still push your child to do their homework because parents should still parent even if the child is now a teenager. If she’s doing GCSEs you don’t want her falling behind and some teenagers do need more support some others.
• you lost your shit because your DD was not listening and your DH was being useless. He probably jumped in at the last minute after realising that he was being useless but is so out of practice when it comes to parenting that he did a shit job.
• teenagers absolutely do need firm boundaries. They are still children and when children push boundaries it’s often akin to testing the handrail on a rickety bridge - there’s comfort in knowing that it is steady and they can relax when they know that it’s firm and can support their weight.
• there is nothing wrong with occasionally shouting. Children need to know when they’re pushing you too far. And there was absolutely nothing g wrong with grabbing her phone. What were you supposed to do otherwise, just keep asking? Now that would be ineffective parenting. It sounds like you have done a great job with your DD. You had a particularly frustrating evening but have all come out of it perfectly fine with hugs and apologies (from the teenager).

I’d probably have just said to her email it to me and I’ll print it for you while you’re in bed?

i do however have a 9 year old with no homework, no phone and a solid bedtime routine who simply refuses to go to sleep before 11pm. It causes me so much stress. Her mood is crap because she’s always tired. But I can’t force her to go to sleep. I can facilitate it to the nth degree but other than drugging her what can you do. So I sympathise with that stress.

Didimum · Yesterday 08:10

Forget the phone and the printer and bedtime. This isn’t your issue. Your issue is that you don’t feel supported in your marriage or with parenting.

But the phone printer and bedtime is the occurrence that will be solved well before the other so op does perhaps have to look at that. (No yes op does have dh issues and he needs to get in as much as she is).
Op sometimes you have to take a deep breath and think ‘in the huge, big scheme of things is this really that big a deal?’ Waiting until the morning when there’s a chance there could be eg an issue with the printer or something to mess up the morning, or potentially you saying ‘there’s no time’ is huge to a teen if they really want something done. Ps I know the reason you’re on mn is this probably isn’t that regular an occurrence but I need regular reminders so just in case x

Do you always lose it with your DH when he tries to help your children?
I'm going to assume yes - because you weren't happy that he didn't help straight away and then yelled when he did help. How old are the children if DS needs someone to put him to bed and if they need that much help with homework - or do you micromanage everything?
Honestly you sound difficult to live with!

I'd blame the school tbh. Not one should get much it causes family arguments. Tell the school to do one.

Unless it's a levels which I doubt.

Why didn’t you just print it off given you said you could do it easily in the morning? It would have saved everyone a lot of upset. Your DD needs to start her homework much earlier. I’d applogise for over reacting but i’d also say that she needs to start homework straight after dinner at the latest.

@GrilledPrawn the martyrs of mumsnet were on it to day replying to you! I only read the first few replies mind you.

probably the same people who usually admonish women when men don’t help out at home.

Firstly you have a very normal sounding home (ie the kids, not the husband)

secondly what people don’t seem to get is that if your husband works 6-9 every day, then so do you - you have a job you do everything for the kids. It sounds to me like you are burnt out as you are effectively single parenting.

I don’t have answers but I hope you manage to sort this x

How on earth can you know that? If OP doesn’t work and her child is a TEENAGER then I think yeah, he should be able to watch a bit of TV after a long shift. OP comes across as very my way or the highway and that’s being more selfish imo.

You made a small thing into a big thing. If she goes to bed a bit later so what she'll be a bit tired and go to bed earlier then next night. You live and learn.

How old is your daughter? Do you work OP?

Not sure if you’re aware that the term ‘mong out’ is no longer considered acceptable due to its negative historical connection to people with disabilities.

i would back off around the homework you dd needs to be responsible for her own homework

and so what you lost your temper don’t worry it doesn’t sound like this is a regular occurrence it all got a bit fraught it happens parenting teenagers is very frustrating

and sounds like your dh could have been more supportive but choose the easy way

You've got too much on your plate. It was late and you were tired. She should have been in bed not printing things off at that time. She shouldn't have her phone that late/at bedtime anyway.

I don't think you were wrong, just tired.

DD is probably 16 and that's why OP keeps ignoring the question

And DS is 14 and really doesn't need "putting to bed"