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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can afford a baby?

33 replies

user0910222 · 09/10/2024 23:30

I'm 33 years old and just found out I'm pregnant. Ex and I split up last week so I'll be going it alone. He also has no interest in the pregnancy (long story but he wasn't who I thought he was).

I want to keep the baby but I'm petrified that I won't be able to manage financially.

Earning a full time salary of 45K.
I own my own house outright (I got lucky with inheritance, and then also worked my butt off to become mortgage free).
Now left with 20K in savings.

Ex earns 60K so I know there will be some maintenance there but he also has 3 other kids. And whether he will even pay is another matter as I know lots of mothers who struggle to get their maintenance payments.

AIBU to think I can afford a baby alone with no financial help? I'll be out of work for a year, won't be able to go back to being full time. I'm so scared but I can't not have this baby.

OP posts:
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unmemorableusername · 11/10/2024 01:20

You will be more comfortable than most

BfwithIGT · 10/10/2024 23:46

Why would you be out of work for a year? Surely you'll get maternity pay? Stay full time, you'll be fine and congratulations!

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/10/2024 23:25

With no mortgage to worry about, you should be able to afford full time nursery. I wouldn't go part time as a single parent unless I had no choice.

You also don't have to take a year off, it can be 9 months, 6 months etc.

PinkFrogss · 10/10/2024 23:06

Most people struggling with childcare costs have a lower salary and housing costs.

It sounds like it will be doable on your salary without housing costs, it may be a bit tight at worst for a couple of years, but with £20k savings behind you you’ll get through it.

I’d be more concerned about coping emotionally and socially, do you have supportive friends/or family nearby?

maddening · 10/10/2024 22:56

With no mortgage cost nursery would be doable imo, key would be commute and family support.

So if you wfh or live close and have family support I reckon it would be relatively easy - well as easy as having a child can ever be

Invisimamma · 10/10/2024 22:27

You'll be fine..you might have to prioritise slightly differently but you won't struggle.

Dp and I only earned about £40k between us when I got pregnant and we managed okay, and we had housing costs too. We're better off now thankfully, but we never went without.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/10/2024 22:25

Of course you can go back full time if you want to-you will be earning more than working part time, which will pay for the higher cost of childcare!

JC03745 · 10/10/2024 22:25

I'd get a 2nd hand copy of this book, or ideally, a more modern version of similar. I bought it when pregnant, but sadly never got to use the advice, so can't comment how good/useful it is. It seemed like good tips though. Wishing you all the best.
www.brownsbfs.co.uk/Product/Madeline-Thomas-Thomas/Babynomics/9781908281050

cestlavielife · 10/10/2024 22:24

Go back to work full time while they can attend full time nursery

Having ££ later will ve valuable

JLT24 · 10/10/2024 22:24

user0910222 · 09/10/2024 23:30

I'm 33 years old and just found out I'm pregnant. Ex and I split up last week so I'll be going it alone. He also has no interest in the pregnancy (long story but he wasn't who I thought he was).

I want to keep the baby but I'm petrified that I won't be able to manage financially.

Earning a full time salary of 45K.
I own my own house outright (I got lucky with inheritance, and then also worked my butt off to become mortgage free).
Now left with 20K in savings.

Ex earns 60K so I know there will be some maintenance there but he also has 3 other kids. And whether he will even pay is another matter as I know lots of mothers who struggle to get their maintenance payments.

AIBU to think I can afford a baby alone with no financial help? I'll be out of work for a year, won't be able to go back to being full time. I'm so scared but I can't not have this baby.

You need to do a budget. We can’t say if you can afford it without knowing your income and outgoings!

You need to look into benefits you can get too.

Also childcare costs vary greatly even between different childminders/nurseries within the same area, it’s best to contact a few to get an idea of costs so then you can plan your return to work.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 10/10/2024 22:23

Of course you can go back FT if you are mortgage free and earning a very decent salary.

Original poster
user0910222 · 10/10/2024 22:22

@Foxblue I live in an affordable area, and my workplace is a 15 minute drive so hardly costs me anything.

I know I am on a good wage but I always thought that would become irrelevant as I will be out of work for a year, and then potentially have to sacrifice working full time. So that 45K wage won't really be there anymore.

OP posts:
TashaTudor · 10/10/2024 22:22

user0910222 · 09/10/2024 23:30

I'm 33 years old and just found out I'm pregnant. Ex and I split up last week so I'll be going it alone. He also has no interest in the pregnancy (long story but he wasn't who I thought he was).

I want to keep the baby but I'm petrified that I won't be able to manage financially.

Earning a full time salary of 45K.
I own my own house outright (I got lucky with inheritance, and then also worked my butt off to become mortgage free).
Now left with 20K in savings.

Ex earns 60K so I know there will be some maintenance there but he also has 3 other kids. And whether he will even pay is another matter as I know lots of mothers who struggle to get their maintenance payments.

AIBU to think I can afford a baby alone with no financial help? I'll be out of work for a year, won't be able to go back to being full time. I'm so scared but I can't not have this baby.

People on benefits have multiple children and manage, you've got no rent or mortgage which is usually the highest bill, decent savings and will get maternity leave and Child benefit. I really wouldn't worry.

Original poster
user0910222 · 10/10/2024 22:21

@Foxblue No children. This will be my first. I will be taking a proper look at figures once I've calmed down a bit and had time to digest all that is going on. I am most definitely in panic mode haha!

OP posts:
Foxblue · 10/10/2024 22:20

Sorry, just saw you are on 45k with no other children - do you live in an expensive part of the country with high commutes costs or something?

Foxblue · 10/10/2024 22:18

Do you have a friend or a family member who you could sit and run through exact figures with. You have no mortgage or rent - that's better than probably 95% of people who are having kids at your age! And 20k in savings, again if you have no mortgage or rent then this should cover your bills right? Or do you have existing children? You are understandably panicking, but I think sitting down and working out the actual finances will help - how much do you earn?

ChiffandBipper · 10/10/2024 22:17

You have a fairly low cost of living if you have no mortgage to pay. You have a hefty savings pot. Your ex is on good money and you can claim cms and have it taken directly from his pay packet if you think he will mess you around with payments. I think you've got this.

Merryoldgoat · 10/10/2024 22:17

With no mortgage and a decent salary (which you have) you will be fine.

Happierwithouthim · 10/10/2024 22:15

Of course you'll manage.
I'm doing it with two children and paying a mortgage, less income than you but I do get maintenance. It's hard work but worth it. I work full time and always have

Original poster
user0910222 · 10/10/2024 22:12

Thanks for all the messages.

I'll be honest I just assumed that going back full time wouldn't be an option due to childcare costs. Also my colleagues who have had babies never came back full time until their little one started school so i've always thought that's how it would pan out for me.

Raising a baby alone scares me but it is more the financial impact rather than the physical that worries me more. I've always been a believer that families come in all shapes and sizes, and I also have a great support network who would help me out with looking after and looking out for baby, I just don't want to have to ask for financial help.

I'm in an office surrounded by colleagues who earn a similar wage, have babies, but have their partner's wage on top of that.

I am very happy and excited but just wanted to hear some realistic views from everyone as I know it won't be an easy ride.

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 10/10/2024 09:37

You have far far more money than the majority of people. I’d be more concerned about doing it alone, and how you’ll cope with that. And whether you want to have a child whose father doesn’t want it.

Hellskitchen24 · 10/10/2024 09:31

Of course you can. Higher than average earner, no mortgage and tons of savings. This puts you in a superior to 99% of pregnant women.

Oopsadaisysgranny · 10/10/2024 00:15

If you want to be a mum go for it . You sound motivated and organised you will make it work . Good luck

Copperoliverbear · 10/10/2024 00:01

You will be fine, people on benefits have kids and manage fine.
A baby needs love, stability, food and warmth and obviously clothing but tons of material things don't matter.
Happy Memories and love are worth more.

DrinkElephants · 09/10/2024 23:57

Sounds doable to me given you have no mortgage.

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