If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

Is it not already a shit show with 3?! It is in my house 🤦‍♀️

It's pretty much a full time job sorting it all, my oldest two no longer want to do any activities so they mainly just hang out with friends, the younger three do activities 5 nights a week (between them) and I'm just used to juggling it all. I can't imagine just having one or two now, I feel like it would be so chilled and quiet, but maybe too quiet 😂

That's exactly the same as me with regards to number three for us. We had five birthday parties in one weekend a few weeks ago and I just thought 'how on earth'

That’s what I meant by having the appropriate support system in place.

I don’t work (passive income) and my parents are still relatively young and active and they love supporting me and my DC, as well as one other DN who lives nearby. Other siblings are scattered.

DH is away for weeks and then home for weeks. If the shit really hit the fan, we could afford for him to quit work too, although I think he’d prefer to continue his present lifestyle where he escapes the madness every now and then!!

I have a great friendship network and we all help each other out. I do totally see that my circumstances make it far easier for me to have 4 children (or more) than others. However, we have to respect people’s choices and believe they know best for their own situation.

I know someone with 6 and all I can say is fuck living in that house.

I have 5, not a shit show at all but I am a SAHM which I think makes a huge difference. There is also a bit of a bigger age gap than you would have (12 years between oldest and youngest) I love it, it's busy but I make sure they all have time with me, we do things each one of them likes and I don't feel like I'm spreading myself too thin. I'd have more if I could!

I have four. Yes it’s chaos. I grew up in a big family and absolutely loved it though.
Having said that, they once all caught norovirus at the same time. I seriously questioned my life choices for those few days I can tell you.

DH says no as we will need a bigger house and car and holidays will be too expensive and life will be extremely stressful. I am sure he is probably right but I just feel like I can’t accept that.

He is right.

Your DC are pre school or primary aged. Teenagers are so much more stressfull and expensive.
Teenagers need you so much more on an emotional level. You can't just kiss a bullied child better.
Do you really want the stress of GCSEs x 4, A levels x 4, UCAS x 4? The expense of support through university x 4?

What would a fourth child bring that the children you already have don't? ould just having one more scratch the itch or would you want a fifth?

Do you work?

I had 3 under 3 and the eldest is just about to turn 6, youngest is 3. I Would have absolutely loved a 4th and we talk about it often BUT I know I’m at my limit now. Everyday is chaos and it only seems to be getting worse as they get older rather than better.
he would love another but it takes 2 to parent and I just can’t do it again so it’s really not fair on anyone to do it again.

I just wonder how you'd support them through school and hobbies. I have two and already there's a huge amount of life admin. There's the homework and clubs. How do you fit in say child As swim class, child Bs dancing Cs football etc .. unless you have say your mum round the corner or encourage them all to pursue hobbies just at home. Then surely one of them is always ill, well it feels like everyone's ill at the moment.

am I missing something as someone whose at my limit with two?

I thought I wanted another, then I took dc3 to a birthday party where his little friend was the eldest and there were toddlers around. Watching the parents chase the 2/3 years olds around, battle them in and out of coats/shoes, navigate tantrums over food and balloons etc. I found myself thinking f* that and have completely lost my desire for no. 4.

Absolutely untrue in my case. I am the middle child of five and had a bloody marvellous childhood.

I am very close to my parents and siblings and feel very privileged.

Oh I do agree. I think if you have unlimited funds and a stay at home parent it's probably a heck of a lot easier. But children are SO much more expensive these days (much more so than when I was growing up!) which makes it so much harder.

We need lovely old Crumbs to be here to guide us through the days of Christmas stockings and safari suppers all through to getting naked in the hot tub with the kids new boyfriends. The glory days of MN.

Comparatively my mum was one of 6 and loved it, 2 of her siblings had 4 each. I no a few people from big families that loved their childhood too. I agree totally it can have a negative impact but it's not a given.

My adult children tell me that they think they had a pretty great childhood (who knows if they’ll reassess with age!) but they also think dh & I are insane “why did you make life so hard for yourselves?” … I’m not really sure tbh - we’re both very child orientated (we haven’t had an awful lot of time for anything other than work & kids up until recently).

I would never want to have children with someone who was reluctant … I’ve never not felt that we’re in it together, that’s where a lot of the joy comes from.

At least you have the sex and vaping years to enjoy guiding them through! No im joking 😅

Parents of multiple children are always going to defend their position and argue that it's 'chaotic but happy' but you might be better off asking people who have actually grown up in a house like that.

I have quite a few friends and relatives who were one of four/five children growing up. They all disliked their childhoods, citing lack of money and attention as the main reasons, and they now only have one or two children maximum of their own. Please don't let your desire to do the baby thing again override the negative impact it could have on your existing children. Listen to your husband.

This is me, two sets of two 33,32 22 and 21. We are all super close but think it might get easier as they get older is not the case, poor Mum doesn't have the answers or e even understand some of the questions anymore 😆

U sound like u want a baby again just to experience birth again.
What happens after u have a fourth one then want to experience it again and again?
Ur husband sounds sensible.

When they are older and more independent...it will be amazing! I've got two sets of two, thanks to getting divorced then getting together with new partner. It was hard work but now they are all adults it's lovely...when we have family get~togethers we don't need anyone else, we have a party!

It can be chaotic, stressful at times, particularly the mornings. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I was going to say the same.

I have four aged 6 to new baby. I absolutely love it. I might have more…

It really does depend on your set up though and your support system. I’m very fortunate in that respect so I really don’t struggle at all.

I also have two labradors!

Life is chaotic sometimes but lovely and peaceful at others. Only you can know what is best OP.