If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

DD was a lovely teen. However, she had a torrid time at school because of bullying and friendship issues that led to anxiety, depression, self harm and borderline anorexia.

I wouldn't wish that on any parent.

@Savingthehedgehogs it's always parents of primary aged children and younger who want a large brood. You very rarely see posters going through the teenage years saying "I think I'll do this again".

I think wanting loads of children depends on your personality as well. I would hate to live the chaotic life that having a large family would entail. One of my friends spent her entire life running her DC to this activity or that one. She never had one night after school where she could just "be". (We live in a village with poor public transport).

Then the extra drudgery with cooking, washing, cleaning etc, even with a hands on partner would make it a no for me.

I have 4 and I love it. I always remind myself that I chose to have them do they shouldn't miss it by being 4. They all do whatever hobbies they want and at one point I was reading 4 different stories at night. My eldest was 7 when the littlest was born and has some sen, so no one was looking after little siblings. Everything you do feels like a party. But, they fight all. The. Time! Drives me absolutely crazy. Remember 1 child: no relationships, 2 children: 1 relationship, 3 children:3 relationships.....4 children: 6 relationships!

Also I was a bit like you and I loved having babies and little people. I remember after dc4, thinking, "right, you've pushed it enough now, you are going to have to live with feeling broody". Then dc4 turned 4 years old and it went away. I had been broody since childhood so I couldn't believe it. Now the thought of another child horrifies me. When the littlest was 2 was always my peak broody time as you are putting away all the tiny things and they are starting nursery..... If you get through this bit, that feeling does go away!

My sister has 4 - 2 are stepchildren who they have 50% of the time. She never knows if she’s coming or going. Money is often tight as eating out as a family of 6 is expensive as is clothing 4 kids etc.

I have 4, currently teens 14-19. They are all lovely and I’m finding the teen years easier than when they were little.

It was right for me and my dh wanted 4 too. Plus we are financially secure. I did struggle to keep my career going which was quite international so switched to something more local.

No family help at all. That was the hard bit I suppose but I’d do it all again. I’ve loved having four dc.

This ! It was a lot easier when they were younger.... But there are times when it is lovely and at Xmas or parties there is a gang. But no..stop at 3.

I loved the teen years! I had four teens at one stage.

I have 4 and had my 4th when still married.

Just be really careful as life can change quite quickly and I am now a single mum to 4.

I love it but I work fully time and life is busy. We have a very close bond probably as I remained on my own with them since being divorced.

My they are 15-8 if the oldest one wants some money she does babysit about once a month for a couple of hours max whilst I go for dinner or something. I have childcare in place which is expensive so don't rely on oldest to look after the young ones at all as I agree with other posters is not fair.

My children are extremely independent and resilient, but I'd put they down to having a single parent more than being one of four. As for giving constant lifts, absolutely not. The older ones are more than capable of getting a bus or train! Or walking?!

I think four is great but having gone into it with us both being on board with it and then it rapidly changing I'm not entirely sure I'd recommend it. I certainly would not push a 4th onto a partner who doesn't want more.

What you don’t realise at this point because young children are so lovely is that they soon grow into teenagers! And your energy levels absolutely plummet, and in fact it gets harder not easier. Busier not quieter. We are now up much of the night as we were when they were babies picking them up, checking they are in - dealing with some really serious problems.

You are already going to be stretched with 3 at this point believe me. Teen years and then adulthood is so expensive, they can’t afford to move out either so you already have at least 25 years of parenting left op.

DONT DO IT!

Grew up as part of a 4, no clubs, hobbies or holidays, but my parents weren’t very nice either which I think had more of an effect on us than the lack of material stuff. Having said that I adore my siblings and wouldn’t be without them. I think it was also different when you could have kids and know they will probably be ok without too much of your intervention, now theres a lot more financial support required to launch.

I am one of 8!! Different times as SAHM but it wasn't a shit show by any means. Dm was very organised and had a good routine and my DD was very hands on. We are all very close. We lead our own lives, all have children, some 4 but we have each others back and our family get togethers are a complete party. My dc love it.
Becoming a bit of an issue now that weddings are starting to happens and there is SO many people! We were not rich by any means but all got third level education, great school support and had an immense amount of fun growing up.
But l would not, myself have the energy for that many as wanted to work and dhs job was full on.
Every family is different but both need to be on board. I loved the baby stage but found 14/ 15 very difficult so much energy needed for the days ahead.

namechangetheworld · Yesterday 21:46
Parents of multiple children are always going to defend their position and argue that it's 'chaotic but happy' but you might be better off asking people who have actually grown up in a house like that.
That depends on personality though, some only children will have loved it, some hated it, same with every other family type. Myself and dh both had four in the family growing up and we both loved it. (Not making a case for or against!)

DH is one of 4. He loves his siblings and they all get along well but growing up was chaos. And the youngest got very little attention, as the parents were just too busy.

I have 2 and it's a total shitshow. Both boys, very high energy so every day is a challenge!

Your husband is right about not having a 4th child. I know a lady who had her 4 child 6 years ago here in Ireland. Her other children were 6, 8 and 10. She is a sham.

Since then various things have happened in the family. They had to buy a 7 seater when she had the 4th child. Then one of her children went through a bad time and it was hard for her to give them time one to one time.

The older 2 children are now in secondary school and the amount of money for clothes, school uniforms, shoes, runners and sports gear is high. The next child will be starting secondary school in 2 year time and her youngest is in school.
The amount of money she is spending on food each week is eye watering.
Along with this the 3 older kids are doing sports and some evenings or days the 3 of them are in different places.
Her older children are due to leave school in 4 to 8 years time. It looks like she could have 2 children in college at the same time.
Her husband works long hours at times and a lot is falling on her.

Along with this she will have to go back into employment to help her kids out financially to attend college and she has been out of the workforce for since her 1st child was born.

I would say to any woman it not just the small baby stage but you have to think 10, 15 and 18 years time and the costs as the kids get older. Then you need to consider the children you already have. You like to be in a position to help you kids out during university ect.

No, because I think it's going to happen anyway.

I know it won't influence the number of children you have, it's them that will have to deal with the effects of climate change though. Maybe you'll care when you start to see that happen, or maybe not.

My husband is one of four and I can clearly see that the four siblings have a wonderful bond. He described it to me as being like a gang, always looking out for each other. They shared bedrooms for most of their lives until they left home, shared toys, wore hand me down clothes, always had someone to confide in and socialised with each others friends. His first girlfriend was his sister's best friend.

My brother and I aren't that close. We had our own bedrooms and lives, our own toys and books and our friendship groups were different. I did once snog his best friend though (but he doesn't know that!) We went our separate ways when grown up, seeing each other at Christmas and weddings and what have you.

That's all I have to say, it's probably not the same for everybody.

Random thought OP but would you consider being a surrogate if the birth / pregnancy experience felt so special for you?

I am so lucky to have had my 1 DD through surrogacy. Fully our embryo - doesn’t necessarily mean your egg (although sometimes the case) so less to consider in terms of genetic attachment etc.

Of course I’ve had to massively change my expectations of having a large family to being unbelievably grateful for one DD….. being a surrogate can literally make a family’s dream come true.

Genuinely every single day think how grateful I am for our surrogate and the miracle of being a mum (whilst tearing my hair out at a difficult toddler!). I get teary just thinking about what they have done for us….

I don't believe they have increased in number (maybe in certain areas) but somewhat in intensity. I'm no expert though. That won't be influencing the number of children I plan to have though.

People complain they were only children, people complain they came from larger families. Nothing is perfect so people will always find something to moan about.

@LoveTheRainAndSun not to this intensity so often no. Plus there would've been fewer people living in it's path in years gone by.

Yes, there were never hurricanes in the centuries before. 🤔

Your parents may have had more children than they can manage, but some may manage better than others.

Having four kids must be terrible for the planet. Interesting day to decide you want another one when man made climate change from the sheer number of humans is currently causing one of the worst hurricanes on record.

I think you're good! By the time the baby would be born, the kids would be 9, 7 and 3. Mine were all under 7 and 3 of them were born within 2.8 years of each other and I do remember the day I sat in the laundry room and cried my eyes out as I couldn't cope. But that one (or two or maybe 20) days were absolutely nothing compared to how great it is to have 4 kids!

Wow, that's impressive! Did u work when they were toddlers? Do you have support from relatives or neighbours?