If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

One thing id bare in mind (and obviously this can happen with 1st child, 2nd child, 10th child.. ) is what if you have a child with disabilities? I only have 2 with 10.5 years in between so i honestly thought itd be easy enough. Then DS2 was born with disabilities and its so hard. Always feel lile older child being neglected as your focus is on medications and hospital stays and physio etc. And the stress of what happens when im no longer here? I would never ever expect DS1 to spend his life looking after his brother but im conscious that the stress and worry will likely fall to him.

I’m pretty rural so 17 miles apart was a different town. At least half an hour away traffic dependent.I managed but it was a bit convoluted. Get one child to x, drop 2 off at y, collect first child from x get back to y. Abandon first child with other parents and friends. Drive to Z to collect 4th child on a minimum hour round trip make it back to Y and head for home. There are things the children can’t do as they clash too much.

OP 6 people don't even fit in a normal car. Yes, I know there are larger ones. Do you have a 5 bed house? Do you expect children to share rooms? As other people have said, ask those who grew up in a large family. Also, look hard at the budget.

I am not saying any of this is impossible, and children in this position grow up without love and attention, because that clearly isn’t true, simply that there will be sacrifices and those usually fall on the mothers shoulders (sometimes on the children)
The uni costs are just crippling now. I am amazed anyone can afford lots of dc now, the costs are insane.

I always really really wanted 4 children, having grown up as the eldest of 3 close sisters and absolutely loving our childhood, although I wished for a brother too! When DH and I got together, he wanted 2 like his own childhood, even though all our parents are from big families, 4 children+. So we compromised on 3, although for various reasons we have a reasonable age gap before we had our third, older were both already at school. And now Iife is extremely hectic, I'm that bit older than when the eldest were toddlers and I'm now a full time student on a hugely demanding course as well so I think that shipped had sailed. But probably the main reason that I won't go for #4 is because my third child is by FAR the hardest work of them all. I got lucky with two fairly easy, relaxed and good-natured children for #1 and #2 but #3 is an absolute wild child, terrible sleeper, very intense stubborn personality, some medical issues and takes a lot more of all our time and energy than the older ones. Luckily the whole family adore them and the bigger age gap turned out to be a blessing but my TLDR is that a fourth baby, especially if I got another intense one, would have definitely tipped me over the edge and impacted the other children negatively.

I have exactly friends in that position and when the last child finally flees the nest they are left with their own life looking like an empty wasteland, no sense of identity left and finding it extremely hard mentally having devoted decades to the occupation of motherhood. Some have not recovered. It’s not exactly an easy option is it.

I have two at uni and two at home. It’s seems very quiet compared to a few years ago!

Somehow we managed clubs in the early days, dh did his share and music lessons were at home. Now dc4 has my undivided attention every Sunday when I watch him play football.

My dc are happy, generally get along and I make time for all of them. If I had to say one thing they missed out on it was holidays. We barely flew, never did the skiing thing and if we did go away it was to Europe for SC hols. But as I said up thread, our jobs were international in the early days so even though they haven’t had fancy holidays, they have lived in several countries.

I dont know how anyone copes with one child let alone 4.

I've had that and didn't find it a problem to work out. Might have helped that I lived in a place where nothing was more than 20 minutes apart.

Kids activities often seem to land in the same night in different places I have four kids. At one point I had four kids attending four different activities in 3 different locations 17 miles apart on a Thursday. Also you shunt them into the same stuff as it works. It’s a tricky balance.

I have 4 children, and it’s not easy.
My children are happy. Things aren’t perfect but they’re definitely not living the miserable empty lives that some people think all children in big families do and some children indeed do.

Depends on the parents and other factors.

Someone I know has five under 7yrs, pregnant with number six, is a single mum and living in a two bedroom house 🤷‍♀️

I am one of 4. You couldn’t have paid me to have had 4.

Not a shit show but we never had much money and I do feel my kids missed out on some experiences that would have been very affordable/attainable had we only had 2.

I've got 3 siblings. Growing up I felt left out as we weren't treated as individuals, we were referred to as "the kids" and "they're making a mess/noise". My older and younger sister joined forces to bully me and I was expected to buddy up with my brother, who showed early signs of the misogynist he now is, so I was very much left alone. Add to that my younger sister was the golden child... I did not have a very happy childhood.

I chose to have just one child so she could have a voice and be treated as the individual she is.

Then there's no reason you wouldn't be able to take a bunch of children to a range of activities. Unless your available after school time is actually working from home rather than focused on the children.

4 here.
Busy, expensive always somewhere to be, something to remember, clubs , activities, school things. Constant emails from each of their schools / colleges of stuff to remember.
3 was much easier I'm afraid to say

Sorry but do what all over again?

Watch them go off to infant school all over again?
Watch them go to secondary?
Watch their first matches and performances?
Watch them get their first degree or first proper job?
Be there at their housewarming?
Be there to hold the first grand baby?

What first moment do you wish to do all over again?

None of these precious moments above? Cos they lie ahead of you right?

You specifically want the Labour and infant feeding and infant cuddles again? Is that tiny specific reason trumping all else?

Focus on the marvels and wonders that lie ahead of you. Think of the many "first times" ahead of you. Count your blessings.

I had 3 under 5, and had a strong urge for a 4th for a while. Now they are older teenagers, I'm glad I didn't - I'm sure it would've worked out somehow, but even with 3 it's been challenging with supporting with homework, sports, dance and then exams and onwards whilst retaining a sense of my own self.

Well, actually, my DH and I work longer/shorter days around each other so one of us is always available after school.

But with more DC, even as a SAHP, you still have limited time and money to help them all pursue hobbies. Time is finite; it's obviously going to be spread thinner the more DC you have.

My mother is from a large family and they are a good example of how perspectives can vary so much and how memory isn't reliable. My mother remembers she did all the housework and her alone. Her sister also remembers how she (the sister) did all the housework alone and my mother didn't. My mother tells us how close the family is. Her other sister says that's not at all true. Some people will be bitter no matter what others did for them. Others will think everything was great.

When my 3 were little (3 under 4 1/2) it was indeed a galactic show of effluent. Can't imagine it's any better with 4, although your gap is more sensible so who knows.

Having gone back and read all the comments, I feel sad that someone said the oldest usually looks after the others. That's definitely not the case here, he is ten and I wouldn't dream of letting him bath the youngest (who is nearly 3). Nor would I make it his responsibility to ever watch them.
They have their own hobbies - hockey, dance, girls Brigade. I don't drive so everyone has to come along for drop off. And back for pick up.
Me and my partner both work but we do shift work so he gets home just as I leave.
We can only afford caravan holidays (hoping to get abroad in 2026 if our money situation gets better 🙏)
If I had my time again, I would seriously stop at two. The third child was 3 when the baby came along, it was a shock to the system having to restart nappies and bottles and sleepless nights again, it really rocked me as I didn't expect it to be so hard

Unless you're not working four days a week. Then you do have the time. Of course you can't be taking them to activities if you're in the office. So choices have to be made. We all choose what works for us.

Nope, have 8 and 6 year olds and this is exactly how I feel!

I work four days a week, so perhaps SAHPs have more time to do all of the life admin, but as you say, as well as the 'mental load', you still have all of the things that require your physical presence, eg the actual ferrying them around to clubs, playdates, helping them with homework, actually being there for them 1:1.

In my personal opinion, after two DC, the disadvantages to both the parents and other DC start to heavily outweigh any advantages - there's less money, less experiences, less time, less emotional headspace.