If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

I’m the eldest of four. I didn’t have a typical experience because I took over the household and raising them from when I was about 15, so it wasn’t the easiest, but there are lots of positives, especially for the younger ones. We all went to the same schools that were all in very close proximity to each other, so there was never any concerns about schools not dealing with bullying properly because I took care of it at source. Problem solved. They always had someone to play with or walk to school with, or help with homework. All the kids on our estate used to come from the same size or larger families so the older ones always looked out for the younger ones. They could go out from dawn til dusk and there would always be someone looking out for them. Loneliness and boredom were alien concepts. Christmas was always fun. You learn to share early, but you also learn to grab stuff quickly before anyone else comes along and takes the lot. You learn to fight. I have never fought with anyone like I have fought with my siblings. But God help anyone else who tried their luck with them. The loyalty was like nothing else, even if we hated each other.

The negative points were lack of privacy and peace & quiet. It just didn’t exist. You could never just shut yourself away and have total quiet, and I value that so so much now. Nothing was sacred. It didn’t matter if it was a toy or clothes or make up, it was all communal property, whether you liked it or not.

The only reason we didn’t have 3 is because of money ..
now my boys have left home … it’s boring at times I miss
them and all it we have grandsons ans it’s amazing .. the only thing I regret is that I didn’t once more for a girl …if I could go back I would … we have to wonderful boys and 3 grandsons and one we’ve gained … all
boys and I am besotted with them all and if a another boy I’d feel the same

I’ve got 5. Last pregnancy was unexpected and we had twins. It’s chaos every single day 🤣 life is full on and it’s non stop. I look forward to my retirement when I hope my 5 kids will run around after me like I do for them now. I wouldn’t change it but it certainly changed our life forever in a way we could never have imagined.

No, as I said we each do longer days and school-hour days around each other so that on every day, one of us will finish at 3 (and one day I don't work).

But with two children, that's already four late afternoons/evenings accounted for (and that's just Beavers/Cubs and school-run ukulele - nothing extravagant yet, though other things are on the cards). That's without all of the other stuff - homework, reading, playdates, 1:1 time.

There just wouldn't be the time to commit to much for many more children; there would be too many clashes.

4 kids here! 2 girls first then 2 boys. All neirodivergent and the boys more than the girls!! The youngest attends a soecialist school but all of my kids are high functioning. I have worked full time as a teacher throughout their lives.
It's hard,I am tired but I wouldn't change it!! We had a big gap between the kids.
Oldest is now 25, then 23 , 19 and 12 yrs. I juggled clubs and the costs of teenagers. My kids all went to full time nursery and started school full time from day 1 as I informed their school that we didn't do part time as the kids had always been at nursery! The school didn't complain and even allowed us to use breakfast club and after school club from the get go.
No regrets but you do need to be able to multi task and be organised!!

This. One of the main reasons I don't want any children!

Op it’s like asking everyone if they like bananas. Some love them, some hate them, and some enjoy them. Some people don’t have the tempermant for a large family, and some use their own anecdotal evidence or others as a reason why you wouldn’t love yours. I’m not arguing for or against, my point is only you and your husband can know. There are some real Debbie downers here, and I’ve noticed that in general on MN, especially in regards to larger families or anything considered different.

😂 I come from a family of 8, my husband a family of 5, and some of our best friends are all families of 4+. I’ve never encountered a person who grew up in a large family and hated it, so frankly those comments are like being worried about dying in a plane accident.

also, save your snark for someone else safetyfreak

I fucking hope it's not too bad as I'm due my 4th in March 😲

I loved growing up with three sisters, we had a lot of fun and I can't imagine life without the youngest one. I got on better with my younger sisters than I did with my older sister (even though I'm much closer in age to her). I do remember my mum being stressed and angry a lot of the time though. I think four children was way too much for her.

and ignore all the negative experiences.

Typical parents of large families.

OMG are you actually me! That’s crazy similar experience.

I have 5 and it's busy but happy. The laundry is a nightmare though. If I just had the children to deal with it would be bliss and I might have another one but the amount of laundry, especially getting it dry in winter, cooking, cleaning etc is so much harder with lots of children.

Wow 7! We are tired with the 2 we have, though grown now. But they all need support for so much longer these days.

Depends on your perspective on two things. The life you want for yourself and the life you want for your kids.

• For your children, what kind of childhood do you want them to have? Filled with extra curriculum activities and education? Holidays abroad? Own bedrooms? One on one time by default and not scheduled in? Or are you happy with caravan weekends and being in the park instead of scheduled hobbies? Do you want them to lean more on eachother for support than you? Neither option is wrong. But make sure it's clear in your head exactly what you want for them.

I'm one of 4 and DP is one of 4. My mum gave us holidays abroad and extra curriculum activities. She is middle class though so her expectations of our childhood was different.
My DP has lovely parents but skint. They all wore hand me downs and had caravan holidays. No extra curriculum activities but instead 'played out' every night. He had a good childhood. His parents are working class so for them this was enough and what they were happy with.

However in this modern world it's NOT the same to have a large broad of children. You can't just open the front door in the morning during school holidays and straight after school and let them run free. You need to actually entertain them and unless you are happy with the TV being a their main source of entertainment it costs money. The park is only good for a few years.
Kids don't play out like they used too. Everything is scheduled and arranged for playdates.

• yourself? What life do you want for yourself long term? Look at what childhood you want for your children and if that's compatible with your own life. If you want holidays abroad annually for your kids or yourself, could that work? If you want friendships with adults having meals and doing adult things regularly, is they compatible with meeting the needs of 4 kids? Does facilitating the schedule of 4 kids for activities compatible with what you want for yourself? You may be able to do it logistically. However do you want to spend 5 nights a week out and about dropping the kids off? Not getting home till late?Or would you rather be at home at least 4 nights a week?

There is no right or wrong. Just what you want for yourself and your children.

I have 7. It’s too many. 3 was perfect , 4 was just manageable. Now im constantly exhausted. Thank goodness for WFH as I can at least use breaks to do housework and meal prep

It has its moments....I have four aged 17, 14, 9 and 7. So they're spaced out. I have had two preschoolers and two primary aged at once, then primary aged DC whilst raising teen DC (currently at this stage). Have still to go through raising two teenagers and two adult DC....

They take a lot of you emotionally. No doubt about it. Got two in CAMHS, one in OT system, etc. Loads going on.

I study part time. There is no way I would be able to work as they really need me. All four of them. Lots of admin to sort out regularly.

Yes!! 👍🏻

Ooh, with some gammon in Cumberland sauce and a star shaped pavlova!

It just seems to me that there is a romanticism of bigger families that hasn’t adjusted to life in 2024. The Waltons etc but lifestyles have changed, and so have expectations.

The cost of having children at all is stratospheric, and I genuinely wonder why anyone would consider a family going forward if it continues to climb.

I don’t disagree with this post however we have our eldest child with autism and I’m so happy she has two siblings that one day will be around for both each other and her when we pass on.

Not op but thank you for this thread. We’ve just found out we are expecting no 4 (others are 1, 10, 12). In thrilled to bits as I come from a big family and so does my partner (and he would have 10+ children if he could!), and it’s nice to read others positive stories about it all.

Like other people have said, its not necessarily the number of children that makes life hard work, it's their personalities. Some children are very demanding by nature (I have two). So I'd say it depends on the personalities of the children you already have, the 2 year old will be undecided though.
My now 3 year old has a tenancy to turn into a complete nightmare as of late and taking up alot of my focus away from my older ones.
Make the most of what you have, it only gets harder is all I'm going to say...lovely but exhausting.

I read this all the time on the higher education pages where the mum sobs all summer at the idea of their DC going to university.

Yes I know mothers of big families like that too. They are quite boring people as they have no interests or hobbies of their own and literally nothing to talk about other than the children/grandchildren.