to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours

leave your daughter alone.

Again, are you not around many teenagers?

Respectfully,,OP, you’re the one emerging on here as a bit of an oddball, with very rigid ideas about teenagers, friendships, interests etc. Are you not around many teenagers?

I was the 1980s/1990s equivalent to your daughter. Watched and recorded (on VHS!) entire series of different legal dramas, made notes on each episodes and followed all the ins and outs of the legal arguments. I couldn’t get enough. If I’d had the internet, I’d have been in seventh heaven. Also helped out at school with less able students (as our classes were generally mixed ability), even though, looking back, work should have been better differentiated. Ended up being a lawyer.

I don’t think my parents were ever concerned about me though.

I'm 47.

When I was 15 I had no interest in clothes or make up or boys or going out.

I read. A lot. I had a computer and wrote computer programs and played games.

It does sound like you want a giggly girlie who likes going out and make up and whose conversation is all about the latest fashion.

Those girls exist. They're fine. You don't have one.

My mum grew up in the 1960s when girls were strongly discouraged from bothering their little pretty heads about school or anything academic. She really encouraged me to read and learn, and I went to uni and did well in life.

I still have zero interest in make up or clothes.

Please don't try to turn your lovely daughter into some stereotypical caricature of a woman. It's not compulsory to like make up. It's not compulsory to be interested in clothes. You have an intelligent daughter. For gods sake don't start with the 1960s stuff off all girls have to like clothes and wear make up and be obsessed with boys and nothing else is allowed.

I could have said exactly this when DS was 15 except that his interests were/are more arts and politics oriented.

He’s 19 now and just started uni. I think he found his people in Yr 11 and more of them at sixth form college. Yes, there were also all sorts of other different types of teen in the orbit including vaping, drinking, gym bunny, geeky etc. He’s sociable and motivated, he doesn’t mind being a neek in some level. It’s completely fine and they find their people.

She sounds great. Why exactly are you worried? Did you have expectations for her personality and feel a bit disheartened that she's so different to you? (That's not meant as a dig btw!)

Good for her OP! She has an enquiring mind and cares about learning and expanding her mind. Why on earth does she owe you an explanation?

Also it sounds healthy and balanced that she has a mixed friend group, rather than just a bunch of girls. I've found mixed friend groups much more of a laugh. All female groups can sometimes be catty and dull.

What the hell lol. I expected to read far worse than this 😂 there's nothing wrong with her for having interests, I think it's quite refreshing to hear actually. She knows what she likes, and it's okay that it isn't boys and make-up. What exactly does she need to 'open up' about?

I am seeing your attitude as the odd one.

Why wouldn't she have friends who are boys, like the things she does? I have a similar mindset 16 year old son, his friendship group is mixed. Always has been. So has mine 🤷‍♀️

Reading your replies, I'm still not getting what worries you about these things. Why is it weird that the majority of her friends are not girls? Can you explain why that is a worry or why it is odd? Is there a reason other than it's not the same as you?

Your daughter sounds great-intelligent, motivated, interested in the world around her. You need to bear in mind that she is a separate person, not an extension of you.

For the first time ever i feel like giving an OP a good bloody shake! You're odd, not your amazing daughter. You should be proud, not labeling her as weird.

She sounds great and I’m sorry she’s not a pink sparkly girlie girl and has a balanced friendship group. She is who she is and sounds wonderful. So you’re worried you need to make her a boy if she’s not got pink and glitter on?

Sorry x posted with above

OP if you are concerned, are there any things you haven’t really detailed in your OP? Are there other things that make you wonder if she may be neurodivergent for example? Or is it just this?

Why do you need to understand where the interests come from? Where does your (I assume) interest in make-up come from? If someone asked you to justify why you're interested in something what could you possibly say? Surely you like it because you like it?

If the majority of people like cucumber and you don't think it tastes nice, how can you be expected to explain that?

Likewise, how can she explain why she doesn't like make up and likes biology? That's just her interests. People enjoy some things more than others.

Trying to see this post in good faith, I wonder if you're worried about autism because she is quiet and has specific interests which she spends a long time on? If this is your worry, what you've said alone is not at all cause for concern. It might help more to focus on difficulties she has eg socially, making friends etc and look for advice on that.

The title of your post has really rubbed me the wrong way. Your daughter sounds great - motivated, empathetic and unafraid to be herself. The idea that someone must explain themselves for not liking the same thing as the majority is just baffling.

OP your post tells us more about you than her.

Leave her alone to grow into a more sensible adult.

She has friends, and she has activities she enjoys, does she seem content? When I was her age most of my friends were boys. It wasn't until I was a little older that I 'found my tribe' with other girls/women.

Your daughter is probably just very different to you and you need to try to accept that. She can probably feel that you think she is a bit odd so is reluctant to open up.

But what exactly concerns you about her behaviour/interests? What exactly are your concerns?

I remember being very similar at her age - we had no TV but I read everything I could get my hands on. Small mixed friendship group, no interest in boyfriends. There is nothing wrong with her, she just doesn’t share your interests

Why should 'most of' her friends be girls (or boys?) It sounds as if she's found a group of people she likes and has common interest with - I had virtually no female friends at school, and I don't have that many now.

Her interests sound far healthier to me than Instagram and makeup blogs or crap TV, or whatever. Maybe she's thinking ahead to what she wants to do for work, and if she's interested in women's healthcare and/or social justice then how is that a bad thing?

What because she is not 'girlie'?