to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours

Hmmm, 'only dead fish go with the flow' - just be thankful that your lovely sounding daughter is not a dead fish and has the CONFIDENCE to be herself, not follow the herd or allow herself to be pressured by others into conforming to what THEY want, has a lively, enquiring mind, is clearly academic and will probably achieve much in life...

Your thread title is literally: “to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours”

You think her interests are odd. That’s implying that she is weird.

It’s concerning that you even think he interests are odd. And the you find it strange that she is in a mixed friendship group rather than ‘all girls’ who go shopping for fashion and makeup.

How exactly have we got “the wrong end of the stick?”

OP thats not the norm at all. Most kids these days and tbh, most of the time, have a solid mix of boys and girls in their close friend groups. I'd be worried if she just had all girls as close friends.

I had a mixed friendship group at that age. I probably was closer to one girl but I had a lot of male friends too. I actually think that’s better as an all girl friendship group can be quite bitchy. I wouldn’t see this as being that unusual.
My DD is very studious and that doesn’t concern me, I feel lucky.
She is however into mindless Netflix dramas & is very influenced in terms of clothes & make up by what’s being pushed on TikTok so perhaps more of a typical teen than your DD.
Some of the things she watches do sound a little unusual. Have you asked her about it?

Is she pregnant and trying to figure out what life will be like for her and the child if you kick them out to live in poverty?

Being a nerd doesnt make you autistic ffs.

I couldn't have been further away from what OP describes as 'typical girl' things, and am absolutely not autistic and just love learning about things and studying new topics. Being intelligent or having an interest in science doesnt make you ND. Christ.

If her child was a boy you, and op, wouldn't be batting an eyelid.

OP, what you have is a geek/nerd/very clever young woman. She sounds awesome to me!!

I'm sorry but this post made me guffaw quite loudly...
You have just written an op describing your daughter that contains a number of traits that are incredibly common/stereotypical in autistic people yet you don't think she has any autistic traits??

To be fair, the OP doesn’t even know what ‘neurodivergent’ means so I’d assume she’d be unable to spot autistic traits. Especially in teenage girls.

Does she want to go on university challenge when she’s older?

(only asking because I used to take notes from history documentaries for this reason- I could dream )

I'm sorry but this post made me guffaw quite loudly...
You have just written an op describing your daughter that contains a number of traits that are incredibly common/stereotypical in autistic people yet you don't think she has any autistic traits??
It is very possible she is not autistic, we don't have enough info but equally, it is very possible that she may be. It might be worth reading up on autism in girls.

She sounds amazing. The only thing I would be concerned about is potential bullying at school. As you say, this is (unfortunately) atypical behaviour for teens and that can attract bullies.
And also, she is probably going to pick up on the idea that you think she's a bit weird. Do you watch any of the documentaries together or show an interest in her interests?

@ForZanyMember as shes learning id recommend chatgpt to help assist with her studies too.

YABU. Your daughter sounds lovely. Why do you think all teenage girls are stereotypically shallow and only interested in boys, make up etc? Thank God your daughter is interested in things that actually matter. She's not "odd" at all, and it's really upsetting that she has a mother who is judging her like this.

She sounds as though she has the makings of a top-flight academic. You don’t have to understand this if it’s not your thing, but you do have to accept it and leave her alone.

At that age I was really into maths, puzzles, chess, Christianity, communism and CND. Pretty much still am. But have grown up relatively normal with loads of friends.

OP, with all due respect you are sounding like a bit of a bimbo here. Are you seriously not interested in anything at all in the world aside from makeup? Really? No interest in history or culture or world affairs? Just how your own face looks? That really isn’t anything to brag about.

Maybe she gets her brains from her dad.

OP have you really talked to her or without knowing it accused her of being gay or bi? I ask this gently as you appear very naive in your earlier posts, especially asking what neurodivergent was. I have to say she sounds absolutely amazing and you should celebrating her not 'being concerned'.

Side note- “All sexes”?

She sounds fantastic and like she is doing very well! She has found something productive that she enjoys doing. She knows what interests her. Have you had any conversations with her about where she is hoping to take her learning? What she likes about these subjects? Her aspirations and goals? Tried to find out how you can support and encourage these?

These days, with the internet, if you have an interest in a subject it is easy to make like-minded friends online.

I might be wrong but from the tone of your post it seems as if you don’t really approve of her or wish she was different, somehow? If this is the case then please try your best to reframe your thinking about her -as someone who grew up with a mother who objected to her very mode of being because it was different from her own - this can really do a number on a persons self esteem!

She sounds wonderful. Let her be and accept her for who she is.

I'm not sure I understand your concern. I would have loved the access I have now to TV programming I want to watch when I was a teenager.

I'm a perfectly functional adult human female. I have a tonne of friends (all sexes). Many longstanding (I met my tribe at Uni but do still have some friends from school). I have a Professional job which required extremely good science A-levels so I did a tonne of homework/ private study.

However my family encouraged me - taking me to exhibitions I was interested in, going to lectures at our local university. Could you look into some activities that she would like?

Even now as an adult I unashamedly have fairly niche interests and totally embrace it. My colleagues think it's hilarious that I go on expeditions around europe to see brutalist architecture and completely fail to understand that trying to get tickets for events at Shetland Wool Week/ QuiltCon is worse than getting Glastonbury tickets!

@ForZanyMember treasure her, she is what society needs more of, seem a prime candidate for darpa or dtsl etc, its never unhealthy to be learning new topics etc

She sounds very much like I was at that age, I am proudly quirky now with lots of wonderful people in my life and an amazing career (my love of science lead me to becoming a doctor). If she is happy then good for her, she doesn’t have to conform to any stereotypes!

This reminds me of the bit in Legally Blonde where the Dad says: “Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious.”