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Original poster

My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

157 replies

sluoa · 09/10/2024 21:05

The last few weeks I've had some reports about the unfavourable behaviour of my son. He's 2 and a half.

Things like, not listening well and also some struggling to share.

I see it at home too. He snatches toys from his older sister, tantrums when he doesn't get his way and is generally pretty active and head strong.

I've never thought or considered that he's neurodivergent and when being told today he had a not so great day and when I said - I know, yesterday he was very cheeky at home. I do set boundaries and consequences with him etc. but he laughs in my face/ sticks his tongue out and that's what he did today at nursery.

His behaviour isn't amazing but I have an older child and her worst age was also 2 and a half. She did similar stuff and just kind of grew out of it. The nursery at the time also made some comments similar to the comments made today. They're leaving it up to me if I want to get them to investigate.

My son is very clever, he speaks really well, he potty trained before two years old and he's just generally switched on for his age. He's very active and physically able. The issue I'm seeing is his defiant behaviour. But I just thought it's age related. My daughter was very very similar. The only difference is that he's an escape artist and she wasn't. He gets out of his car seat, he can lock and unlock doors.

I'm not saying the nursery are wrong and I know better, but similarly I don't really want him on this SENCO track until he's older, if he still struggles.

At the moment he has days where he is well behaved and days where he's not so well behaved.

Should I just start this process or am I right to wait ?

OP posts:
Candyfluffs · 09/10/2024 21:16

I think it’s totally normal at that age. I used to get a raspberry blown at me if I said something dc didn’t like! It was quite funny. Toddlers are all that way; but it is useful to introduce some consequence like time out or taking away a favourite toy for a small amount of time. Anything that makes them realise they’ve got to stop and say sorry.

Wednesdayonline · 09/10/2024 21:16

A friend tried to start the investigation type process at 2 ish, and didn't even get seen for diagnosis until 4 and a half. They were suspecting autism but eventually got a potential ADHD diagnosis. So it can be worth pursuing just in case, and if there's nothing or they grow out of it then no issue, but if they did need support then you're already on track. Still, saying that basically my friend was told that 2-3 was too young to tell anyway!

Original poster
sluoa · 09/10/2024 21:15

NancyJoan · 09/10/2024 21:14

What are you afraid of? Nothing bad will happen, and there might be support ready for when he goes to school, if it’s needed.

I know you are comparing him to your older child, but they have experience of dozens of children his age, so if they feel his behaviour is unusual, it may be.

But they also said stuff like that about my older child and it doesn't seem to have continued.

I think they're quick to call it.

I'm not afraid but I guess I don't want him on that track if it's not necessary.

He's hitting every milestone really well too. I was never worried about him at all.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 09/10/2024 21:14

What are you afraid of? Nothing bad will happen, and there might be support ready for when he goes to school, if it’s needed.

I know you are comparing him to your older child, but they have experience of dozens of children his age, so if they feel his behaviour is unusual, it may be.

Original poster
sluoa · 09/10/2024 21:14

DillyDallySal · 09/10/2024 21:12

It sounds as though the nursery are doing you a favour with trying to support. Ignoring a child’s behaviour / dismissing it as age related is a bit silly with professionals who obviously see a lot of children the same age, in the same environment. At the same time though, you will know your child very well and even professionals make mistakes. I don’t know of any child who was sent down a SEND route or has an EHCP who didn’t really fight for it to be honest.. I don’t think it’s going to blithely happen to you or him. It comes down to whether you really want the support for him.

I think he's too young and a few weeks of him being a pain in the arse for them, isn't enough to warrant it yet.

If this continues, then absolutely yes.

I may wait until the new year and if I keep getting reports about it and seeing he won't settle at home, I will follow it up.

OP posts:
DillyDallySal · 09/10/2024 21:12

It sounds as though the nursery are doing you a favour with trying to support. Ignoring a child’s behaviour / dismissing it as age related is a bit silly with professionals who obviously see a lot of children the same age, in the same environment. At the same time though, you will know your child very well and even professionals make mistakes. I don’t know of any child who was sent down a SEND route or has an EHCP who didn’t really fight for it to be honest.. I don’t think it’s going to blithely happen to you or him. It comes down to whether you really want the support for him.

Viviennemary · 09/10/2024 21:10

I think you are being very sensible. He may be a bit lively but he just sounds like a two year old to me. As long as you keep teaching him very firmly no when he does something unacceptable I think that's fine. I wouldn't start any process unless he is totally out of control and doesn't sound in the least like he is.