My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

This is the only thing that bothers me in the description. If it's happening often, that's not great.

Trust your gut. I wouldn't be sending him on that path unless you genuinely believed he needed it. He's very young to be diagnosed with something like that when it's probably just terrible twos. Pursuing a diagnosis will be very stressful for the whole family and not something I would do because I felt pressured into it.

That’s what I thought

Surely all 2 year olds are naughty and out of control, they don't have the capacity to know how to behave yet! I'd worry at 4 but not now.

Yeah. I'm headstrong and my daughter is too - her childcare were telling me she won't share, bosses other children around and shouts "no no no!!!" At them if they don't do what she wants 😅

It doesn't sound like an issue to me, just a strong personality type

Can children not just be naughty and out of control without being neurodivergent! Everything is a symptom of neurodivergence now and I find it really offensive as an autistic person. Maybe we are all just human with certain needs

All 2 - 5 year olds can be little shitbags.

If he's toilet trained and speaking well I wouldn't worry.

I’d decline SENCO and have very consistent beige/ boring consequences for absolutely all naughty or defiant behaviour (ie he doesn’t get response or attention out of it) to extinguish it asap.

My Dd is bright but headstrong and can be quite bold she’s just over 2.5 but she knows now that mummy doesn’t play… I can actually see her thinking “hmm will I do X and she looks at me weighs it up and thinks hmmm… nahhh not worth it
😅

He sounds headstrong to me, not neurodiverse.

I wouldn't seek a diagnosis unless it's causing him genuine day to day functioning difficulties

I do see your point but also think that waiting lists are as long as they are because people are there who could have done with waiting for 6 months for the child to develop. I do have experience of this personally and know the value of early intervention. But I wouldn't advise someone to get on a waiting list because a 2.5 year old boy is struggling to share. I would definitely advise speaking further with nursery to understand their concerns and being sure to listen with an open mind and take notes. And then decide on further action if necessary

If the nursery are pulling you up on it then they're obviously seeing something they don’t see too frequently in other children.

Im a regular at a number of playgroups and I see that behaviour in a handful of children. One of those parents has said she suspects ND given family history. Others behaviour is often ignored by their childminder/parent/GP.

Im sorry if my post offended you, I was trying to suggest early intervention is best, especially if you can rule out other reasons for your DS behaviour.

There is no value in waiting.

If you get on the waiting list for an assessment of some kind and while you're waiting the concerns clear up then you just come off the waiting list. No harm done.

He isn't going to be diagnosed with something he doesn't have because he was a bit cheeky at nursery for a few weeks.

@sluoa I'm sure there are some absolutely remarkable 2.5year old boys that don't tantrum or snatch toys from siblings but I'd warrant, far more of them do than don't. That's not to say there's no possibility your child needs some support, but I'd agree with first setting more boundaries at home and see if behaviour improves. I'd also double check there's nothing else nursery is worried about.

Struggling to share and not listening alone at 2.5 seems unlikely to be cause for a referral

I was just thinking the same. My ND kid would never ever be cheeky. Has always hated being in trouble, would never laugh at someone telling him off.

I mean it's up to you, going on a list will do no harm but also if you want to watch and wait that's fine too. I wouldn't say that his behaviour is indicative of being ND though but all ND kids are different.

Sorry, but If a child laughed in my face and stuck their tongue out at me, I would think that’s pretty rude.

This sounds like normal two year old behaviour and I definitely wouldn’t get bothered about a two year old sticking their tongue out. You will always get tiresome comments from the parents whose little darlings would never dream of snatching a toy. Just keep on reiterating your rules and enforcing the boundaries, it will sink in in time as they learn to control their impulses.

I have a 2.5 YO and I don’t recognise the behaviours you’ve described honestly. It’s either lack of boundaries or ND, I see it in other parents that ignore when their children snatches / pushes. If you think you’re responding effectively to his behaviour and it’s having no impact then maybe you should explore things further with the nursery.

It honestly won't do any harm to look into things a bit further. I can honestly tell you hand on heart that I was highly offended when my son's preschool teacher broached the subject with me. She was 100% correct. My son is also really clever and very chatty. Remember they see lots of children and deal with all sorts of different behaviour so they have a good idea when there might be an issue.

Agree, neither of mine would have behaved like that (and they are both neurodivergent).

OP, have a look into PDA and see if that resonates.

Sounds like you’re considering it and keeping an eye on the situation, OP. That sounds wise. You don’t need to rush to any decisions right now.

The PP saying “Toddlers are all that way“ - that is simply not true.