My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

I agree.

I went to the hospital in December and as a new driver had just driven a lot further on much larger roads than I was used to. It stressed me out a lot.

The doctor there wanted me to see my GP immediately for high blood pressure (150/95) because I was stressed.

I ended up having to monitor for a week at home.

@Ace56 as plenty of people on here have said, it's normal behaviour though?

At 2 my nephew would cry and scream any time he heard the word no. By 3 he was so polite and well mannered.

Because OP has no reason to argue against them other than ‘in my opinion it’s normal behaviour for a 2 year-old’. Clearly the staff have more knowledge about ‘normal’ 2 yr old behaviour than OP?

It’d be like a doctor telling you your blood pressure is too high, and you saying ‘I don’t believe it is.’ On what basis?

YANBU.

Being cheeky, naughty, unfocused etc.. isn't a condition and doesn't mean a child is neurodivergent at all. He just sounds like a toddler.

I'm sick of everyone overdiagnosing kids!

Oh come on, forget about neurodivergent or PDA.

The condition he has is called BEING NAUGHTY.

Stop all this pussy-footing around, set some proper boundaries and just get him to do as he's bloody well told.

Definitely speak to someone more senior and ask them. I had multiple meetings with school and the word Autism was never used. Just multiple hints, suggestions and it was incredibly confusing. There's a real reluctance in these settings to commit to saying outright ND in case they're wrong.

You might come away from a meeting equally confused. Hopefully they'll give you some clarity.

He is 2 years old, he doesn't know what rude means. I am all for children behaving but i couldn't get upset with a 2 year old that stuck their tongue out.

Oh wow could you be more patronising?

it sounds like a smart 2 year old who is learning to push boundaries. Literally how they learn to behave

No it's not hun

From reading your first post, it’s not the initial behaviour that stood out:

(Things like, not listening well and also some struggling to share.
I see it at home too. He snatches toys from his older sister, tantrums when he doesn't get his way and is generally pretty active and head strong.)

that seems fairly standard for the age group, they are still learning about all this stuff. It was this bit:

(I do set boundaries and consequences with him etc. but he laughs in my face/ sticks his tongue out and that's what he did today at nursery.)

it sounds like he thinks it’s all a game, so it might take him longer to grow out of it if he is not recognising the link between his behaviour and the consequence.

It does sound too soon to know whether this is a development phase or possibly ND - why not have a chat with nursery about whether to try a different approach to reinforcing the boundaries and see if that helps?

It sounds to me that people in the nursery are observing more than they're telling you. This drip feed they're giving you is to gauge your reaction in the first instance and test whether you're going to react negatively or positively to the ND suggestion.

This is exactly what happened to me with drip feed by primary school who were terrified of backlash they'd obviously experienced in the past when parents in denial are presented with the suggestion. ( It's a natural response for most I think including me).

My child, now a teen, was incredibly intelligent at that age, met all milestones, no speech issues, no lining things up, incredibly sociable ( still). Child now officially diagnosed Autistic ( PDA )/ADHD in time for secondary ( so grateful for this). Despite all this, assessment request was declined by NHS. We ended up paying. It cost a lot.

I agree at this age it's a bit early to know and any assessment request could be declined. If the nursery are willing to start the ball rolling and support the presentation of evidence to enable an assessment I would grab that with both hands. Wait lists are years for many.

I cannot stress the importance of a diagnosis and adequate support. Now may not be the time and you're right that it may not be this. It took me years to see it personally. Looking back at videos however, it's so obvious now. Sometimes other people see what you can't

Are they suggesting he's autistic? If so there would need to be much more evidence then a bit of poor behaviour and a tantrum at 2. Tantrums/meltdowns at 6 yes maybe, but not 2.

Or are they suggesting ADHD - in which case he would neve be diagnosed by a doctor at this age.

Maybe it would be worth speaking to them and seeing exactly what they think might be wrong with him and why. I would however go down the pathway, he won't get diagnosed if he isn't ND but if it does become more apparent as he gets older then it will be good not to have to wait years for assessment. We had to wait 18 months and that was 10 years ago now.

What's wrong with questioning? It would be mad to just blindly go along with what any and every professional told you to do.

It is the behaviour of a 2 year old.

I think he does have additional needs. I've worked in a nursery and that's not the behaviour of a 2 year-old. He needs some intervention

That was the type of behaviour my ADHD son engaged in. He hit his milestones and was also quite switched on. It took about 2 more years for him to see a consultant and get a diagnosis. They won't make a diagnosis without a lot of evidence in several different settings often nursery, home, school, hobby groups etc. Nothing wrong with allowing the nursery to start what is usually a very long process. If he grows out of it in a year you have lost nothing. If you don't allow the start of the process which begins with nursery keeping a detailed record of DC behaviour over a 6 month period. By the time you agree there is a real problem your DS might be 4 or even 4.5 years and starting school. Think how disadvantaged he would be if the process only started at 4.5 years and then a diagnosis only made at 6.5 years then an Education Plan would take another year or more so 7.5 years before he got support in school. Nursery will see hundreds of DC behaviour and they are telling you your sons behaviour is below that of other DC.

I’ve got 3 kids and this is exactly the age where they learn to deal with their emotions and impulses better. Personally I would wait and hope that he outgrew behaviours.

How’s his speech ? I spent a lot of time role playing and helping my kids practice different ways of expressing themselves. For example if he wanted the attention of the person holding the toy then saying their name is better than grabbing. Likewise if he also wants the toy then asking for a turn later is what he’d ideally do.

How is his sight and hearing ? Not being able to hear properly is a massive problem because it’s hard to make that transition when you don’t understand people and they don’t understand you.

My son was just the same. At the time, 20 years ago, there wasn't a systematic assumption that every toddler not confirming perfectly to expectation was neuro divergent.

What they picked up very quickly was that he needed clear boundaries, affection et mental stimulation. He was moved to the preschool group at 2 1/2 and that was the change of him. He loved learning to read and counting, and he had a fantastic room staff who knew how to give him the right balance of discipline and affection. He suddenly loved going.

By the time he started school, he was one of the best behaved child and continued to be so through the years. He is now a very mellow adult with no issues at all. He is very sensitive and introverted, but nothing that has hold him up.

Trust your instinct.

OP, he sounds very like my oldest who went through a stage of being an absolute terror at nursery. Of course we had boundaries/rules/consequences etc. he still did it! He has always been very stubborn and we just had to find the approach that works for him.

He is now doing really well at school and is training in gymnastics to a high level with the opinion from his coach that he will be competing at national level when he is old enough. No ND or issues at school.

we were also pushed to get him assessed and we absolutely didn’t need to. IME a lot of nursery schools don’t have huge knowledge of SEN assessments because kids are usually older when they go down that route.

Also a mum recently wrote on the group that her daughter kept shouting ' those fucking boys ' and the mum was really shocked and thought she might have heard that at nursery. So something to be said about the vibe there.

Aah, the old, "my child never picks up bad tings at home, it's always those OTHER children, or the nursery, or the school....." trope.

Separately, if you want to wait until the new year, I think that's fine. But I agree with other posters, if nursery are suggesting that you take this forward, that suggests they think the problem is more severe than perhaps you are accepting. And while many of these behaviours are fairly normal for the age, I think it's also normal for these behaviours to be unlearned pretty quickly for most children. If they're not learning how they should be behaving, that's a problem.

Also, nurseries are flly aware that getting a child assessed or help at this age is hard, so to be suggesting it means they think it's a real issue.

Yeah you're right actually, Im thinking from parent one on one perspective where they are pushing boundaries and testing limits it's easy to forget that they have different reactions to different people. I agree that it's quite likely a staff issue

I honestly wouldn't worry at all.

My son was a handful when he was 2. Although nursery weren't suggesting anything out of the ordinary I felt so embarrassed every time they told me he had a meltdown, tantrum when he didn't get his way, one day he even dropped his lunch on purpose.

Nursery however told me it was typical 2 year old behaviour only after I did enquire further.

He was in a room full of other 2 year olds also going through terrible twos and to be honest if I spent 5 days a week with 25 other toddlers I think I would be overstimulated too.

We stuck through it, before he turned 3 he moved into preschool room and those tantrum moments seemed to cease all together. I did give him a lot of time at home in terms of teaching him patience, waiting his turn and how to deal with frustration and he is now a lovely 3 year old, just started F1 and enjoying it, thank God!!!!

Honestly given all this I’d really consider looking at switching to a childminder or smaller setting a lot of CMs work together to create small nurseries (9-15 kids type thing) it might be a better fit for your imo totally normal child