My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

This sounds a lot like my third kiddo. Out of my four kids her behaviour has always been different (and today (nearly 10) she had her ADHD diagnoses, finally!)

I found with my DD that her behaviour got harder to handle as she got older until we had some extra support from the school, when she was around 6-7years.

Personally I would rather have the support from the nursery as (1) it’s always better to get onto neurodevelopment referral (if needed) sooner rather than later as the waiting lists are sooooo long!
(2) If it is something he does grow out of having some “behavioural support” will help him do this and it’ll help you too, if you find you struggle a little with managing his behaviour.

And having the support there and not needing it is definitely better than not having it and you find you do need it.

Also, my biggest concern is her going to secondary school and just being written off as naughty, and the primary school support and a diagnosis at least means they will now officially have to support her.

Speaking as a parent with a now 16Y DS who is still waiting for an assessment for Autism & ADHD. My DS was showing signs at a young age but nothing really big and I was also didn’t want to “label” him if it wasn’t necessary. Boy do I regret that now. He started secondary school and things got a lot worse. His school were so unhelpful it’s taken me 5 years (we now have an assessment next week) he had to go ask through school with zero SEN support. It’s been a looooong road. If the school have suggested, go with it. The wise that can happen is they say there is absolutely nothing wrong. If he is ND he will be on the radar and receive the support he needs.

I have 4 children 2 acted like this 2 didn't - guess which 2 are ND oh and btw your DD could still be ND most girls don't display ND with their actions and you don't find out until they suddenly start struggling socially at high school.

Maybe look at another nursery, they sound a a bit authoritarian to me, a Montessori or somewhere might be better?
Why is it any child who doesn’t fit in to social norms, or have a bit of a defiant personality, are being labelled as neurodivergent. Hes 2.5 for God’s sake!! He sounds pretty normal to me!

My daughter is the same and same age, I'm going to speak to my HV.....my son is 7 and was very forward and very clever from a very young age, he was really well behaved but we are waiting for an assessment on him, it's a 3yr wait, I'm going to ask for my Daughter to be referred as then if she needs support it will be in place sooner

I think it's more like 30 to 40 years ago. My older son is 25 and attended private nursery and they weren't a new thing.
I think demand has soared in the last 20 years.
You point stands though, while I think overall, early years carers should be alert to possible behavioural/emotional/developmental issues and that nurseries should meet certain standards (OFSTED), the drive to have them follow a curriculum and for the staff to spend time filling out developmental sheets has gone too far.

I think that everyone on here is missing the fact that before private nurseries came along, the official starting age for nursery children was and still is 3 years old in council settings, up until say around 20 years ago the only option until private nurseries sprung up all over the place. His behaviour from age 3 should be the only bench mark. Before then it really shouldn't count.

No. I never said I did.

Well, that might be once a day, once a week or more or less often. He's doing it in response to boundaries being set and consequences being given.
OP acknowledges he needs to learn not to do it.
He's 2. Do you really think it's a sign he's ND?

"… he laughs in my face/ sticks his tongue out and that's what he did today at nursery."

Where has OP said her son is doing it repeatedly?

Well, that’s exactly why your DC would think it was funny and clever and keep doing it, and take much longer to grow out of it!

@Turnups I'd laugh, and I know all my family would.

Yes, it’s not the end of the world and yes they’ll grow out of it when they realise it’s not acceptable. The sooner the better. If great-granny said to your DC "Come over here dear and talk to me" and DC stuck their tongue out at her and then ignored her, you might think it was funny and not feel mortified but I would feel mortified and wouldn't encourage DC to think it was funny.

@Turnups no, it's not.

A two year old being cheeky isn't naughty. It's really not the end of the world. They'll grow out of it.

It was an example of something that a 'normal' two-year-old might find fun but which you wouldn't tolerate them repeatedly doing. I would put repeatedly sticking their tongue out at people in a similar category.

He's bloody two! He doesn't even really understand being told off at his age, he sticks his tongue out because its funny, it's a game to him.

I have 4 kids. Two have mild SEN. Your son doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with him besides being two years old. Which is more detrimental to you than him 😂 Toddlers can systematically destroy your every nerve in record time.

I think ripping the wallpaper off is easier to manage in a way; you can remove the child from that situation. Sticking tongue out is harder. My own DS doesn’t do that but he has started to blow raspberries when told not to do something or shouts NO mummy if told off.

I know if I’d done that I’d probably have been smacked to be honest, and obviously I’m not going down that road. But this age can be challenging. It doesn’t mean we ignore the behaviour but honestly, yeah, there’s times it falls under the ‘not much you can do about it’ category.

@Turnups but why? That's totally irrelevant to what's happening to OP.

By me, in my original response to you.

@Turnups where has stripping the wallpaper been mentioned?😂

Of course it doesn’t mean that. But are you really saying that if your two-year-old repeatedly stripped off the wallpaper or threw food at you, you wouldn't be able to stop him so would just put up with it?

@Turnups but the problem is two year olds don't care. They just don't. You can tell them no a million and one times, they'll do it. Doesn't mean they'll grow up to be horrid people.

Of course. I agree with all that. And the boundary should be that he must not repeatedly do it after being told many times that he mustn’t.

@Turnups sticking your tongue his out isn't the end of the world. Children explore boundaries. That doesn't make them ND or "naughty", it makes them developmentally normal.