My son 2 can be cheeky and I think nursery are overreacting

I don't OP has been panicking, rather she's been wondering why the nursery are possibly indicating ND.

I have 2 sons now aged 26 and 27....as little boys they were absolute sods....they now both have masters degrees and work in tech in London...
Please do not panic just yet.

i.e. he's learning that he needs to share.

I hope your discussions with them have made them think about how they are communicating with parents.

He's 2. The end

Have you spoken to the staff again this week OP?

The nursery are being ridiculous and should have procedures in place to handle this type of behaviour. When my dcs were younger I think they did time out.

My ds was exactly the same at that age but had grown out of it by primary school and is now a wonderful, caring, gentle 16yo. I think getting so worked up after a few weeks of tongue pulling and running off is bizarre -it seems the go-to answer for everything is “must be ND” these days - and I say that having a dd with adhd.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old but I would be wary about the whole sticking tongue out etc. as that is learned behaviour so thinking where he picked that up from

Probably got in with a wrong crowd....be vaping next

Two year old doesn't listen well and snatches toys off other children....stop the press!

Sounds like a normal 2 year old but I would be wary about the whole sticking tongue out etc. as that is learned behaviour so thinking where he picked that up from?

I would say though there is a big difference between not listening/not sharing and hurting other people, which he is clearly not doing, so go with your gut.

I think you're right.

It's all too easy to label a child when actually they really could be just been their authentic selves and pass through the period.

Give them a chance before intervention is needed.

And for context even as a 33 year old I don't like sharing stuff either.....

Thank goodness someone is thinking the same as me, why is everyone seeming constantly looking to put a label on children, it seems almost every child these days is either ND or ADHD or has autism or autistic traits. Are there no allowances made any more for the fact that not all the children are the same, and develop at different stages, it’s ridiculous.
Even adults are queuing up to be diagnosed, the world has gone mad!

Yes ds21 is ND and he always behaved impeccably at school. In fact in his school report in y7 the teacher said ds didn't understand when others didn't follow the rules! He would get very upset if he felt he was in the wrong.

At 2.5, he’s too young to tell if he has ADHD as he might grow out of this phase. Could be autism but there would need to be a lot more behaviours to even consider it IMO. It couldn’t hurt to look into what autism actually is. It wasn’t until I did that I realised my daughter could be ND.

We got her AuDHD diagnosis aged 7 but I will say that my daughter is highly articulate, extremely intelligent and met all her milestones too so I wouldn’t dismiss it.

I think you know as a parent if your kid is ND but sometimes this only happens after research! I was adamant my daughter’s issues were age appropriate until they weren’t and I had to accept that she probably was ND.

Can you ask for a meeting with nursery so they can explain a bit more why they think his behaviour is outwith neurotypical boundaries for his age? You should be able to discuss this and come up with a plan to work with him together for the best outcome. Be that referring now, or waiting for future milestones.

Is that why it’s called terrible twos?

Going by what you’ve posted I’d be taking a watch and wait approach - unless there are other behaviours the staff have noticed. If he is still doing it at 3 I’d be more concerned as someone who works with that age group.

From my experience if they’re telling you about it - it’s more than just a few weeks. He’s been doing it for ages where it’s now tipped into more than normal for his age. I’m a teacher and I don’t tell parents about every little thing until I start to notice patterns or it becomes out of the ordinary.

It’s definitely normal behaviour, my two year old did it a lot unfortunately, especially as he was an only child at the time, but what are you doing at home to correct it? We did lots of books on sharing and every morning before he went in to nursery I spoke about being kind and not snatching and sharing. It’s reasonable for nursery to want to address these behaviours as it can affect other children there and cause upset, which they obviously have to intervene in. Again, what corrective behaviours are they doing with him and could you do those at home?

I think you are absolutely right to wait. I think if you don’t have any major concerns now as his mum, wait and see how you feel in the new year. You’re being very sensible. He’s 2 and a half. The behaviours you mentioned are not concerning at all! X

That is absolutely normal for a lot of kids. People are so quick to say adhd or autism etc. I have 8 children and 2 grand children. My youngest is 3.5 and he is a cheeky sod. A child of 2.5 not sharing or having tantrums is very normal. My 3.5 year old doesn't always like sharing. Hell, I don't always like sharing

It all sounds totally developmentally normal.

At 2.5 my daughter was very cheeky. Even when she started school at 4, she and a friend were the first ones to get in trouble because they gave themselves a "shower" in the toilets 🙄

She's now 10 and is like a 40 year old in a child's body; the most sensible girl you'll ever meet with gorgeous manners. She's usually the one keeping her dad and I in check 🤣 beyond really extreme behavior, you can't make assumptions about how children will be in the future based on how they behave at two.

I was pulled into nursery a few months ago for the same reason of struggling to share and listening and attention needs work. The difference is my DS is also speech delayed so I’ve gone along with every suggestion and referral but he still doesn’t qualify for additional funding and no-one is willing to refer him to be assessed for autism. He’s just turned 3 now and doing so much better. Often it’s just an age thing and when you look up autistic traits in toddlers they overlap with typical toddler traits.

I do really think it would be helpful to have a chat with nursery though and say you’ve been receiving a lot of negative feedback about X and what are their actual concerns. Specifically ask if they think he could be autistic or ADHD. Ask if there is anything at home you can be doing to support the behaviour and maybe you can have regular progress reports from this point on.

2.5 year old shouldn’t be punished. at this age they are asserting their independence- which should be encouraged and not suppressed. it’s important to draw a line but also give him space to make his own choices. e.g. “you must share (affirmed order) so let’s take turns, do you want to go first or second? (he makes the choice). e.g 2, it’s bedtime. which pjs do you want to wear today?

Separately, is he getting one to one with you? it kids do certain things because they get attention, are you able to give this attention in normal circumstances?

Finally, it’s very odd for nursery to react this way, because every toddler goes through this (“terrible twos”) so they shouldn’t bring it up in a negative way!