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Original poster

Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

212 replies

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:40

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

OP posts:
itsoktonotbeokitstrue · 09/10/2024 19:53

Is this for real? I never take sibling to party unless invited.
If it's at someone's house hubby would drop me off for the party.
When parties are at venues he's often come
With me. We have a chat and a break from kids. Never even thought about it.
We would never take food/drink or anything away from the kids unless offered.
It's just about being polite and respectful and common sense.

Beautifulweeds · 09/10/2024 19:52

comedycentral · 09/10/2024 19:20

One of us draws the short straw and attends, we only ever attend together if it's a family party 🥳

Lol I was about to write the short straw but then rephrased to prevent some MNs who would say watching every moment when their DC at another party meant being a good parent! I did love watching the fun they had but a party on a Sunday morning, the mega loud music, small talk etc, wasn't the long straw.

BeeDavis · 09/10/2024 19:50

Any kids party I’ve been to both parents attend.. wow the bar really is low isn’t it if women just let their partners get away with not having to come to kids parties 👀👀

Beautifulweeds · 09/10/2024 19:49

Family parties we attend together mostly but DC friends, was always me! Yes sorry but it is unusual. After a few you realise it's the same old thing and it's a draw on who goes, usually the Mum, well in my case. X

PrincessPeache · 09/10/2024 19:45

Normally I’d roll my eyes given at both parents attending but given that it’s otherwise a family party and you won’t know anyone else there (such as other nursery parents), I think it’s polite to allow you to bring your DP!

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 09/10/2024 19:45

Sorry but I'd be horrified if the party I thought I was holding for a couple of kids and the odd mum turned into 30 people in the house.

It's not a social occasion for you. You are just there to supervise.

For kids I knew better I think they'd have been drop and go at four.

I did home parties to keep it low key, not to have to host.

Goldbar · 09/10/2024 19:37

So we invited six little friends to my DC1's second birthday party, and ended up with ten parents and four siblings as well 😂. We do not have a huge house so it was a bit of a squeeze but we managed. I did have to move most of the furniture upstairs and adults had to sit on the floor. Luckily our house is quite open plan.

Alpolonia · 09/10/2024 19:34

Yeah, it’s weird. Never happened in all the parties I’ve hosted over the years.

HalfaCider · 09/10/2024 19:29

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 18:49

Sorry, but I always think it's a bit weird when both parents turn up to children's parties. It's not a family day out.

Why can't your husband just take him, if you're struggling?

Agree! Unless you are there as friends of the couple hosting, why do two need/want to attend? You invite 10 children to your house and then everyone turns up with 2 adults and suddenly you've got 30 people to host! One of us stays home with siblings and one of us endures the party. Where we live, most parents go on their own.

CuriousGeorge80 · 09/10/2024 19:25

I’m amazed by these replies. Where we are it’s far more common for both parents to go to a party for a 4 year old than just one!

Completelyjo · 09/10/2024 19:23

@HangDai She's obviously trying to craft a tactful message, so I'd message again saying would she prefer drop off

I think suggesting a drop off for a 4th birthday party is worse imo.
At 3 & 4 you go and parent your child at a party.

comedycentral · 09/10/2024 19:20

One of us draws the short straw and attends, we only ever attend together if it's a family party 🥳

BeardieWeirdie · 09/10/2024 19:19

If two parents rocked up at my house I’d firmly say “we’re very squeezed for space so can you just drop and run, or one parent only. I’m sure you understand!”

JMSA · 09/10/2024 19:16

To those saying both parents go ... to a hall or soft play, yes? Surely not to someone's house!

Londonrach1 · 09/10/2024 19:15

Very strange. Only one of my dd friends you get both mum and dad but it's next the dad is very controlling and doesn't let the mum do anything on her own. Normally you get one or other or none

Summertimer · 09/10/2024 19:14

Our DC is grown up now, but the norm with small kids where parents didn’t have other children was both parents go. I distinctly remember feeling a bit like the one on my own when DH was away.

User37482 · 09/10/2024 19:14

We usually have both parents at parties. Most usually take it in turns to watch their kid and the other one chats to other parents then switches.

JMSA · 09/10/2024 19:13

I'd be perfectly polite but inwardly groan if both parents rocked up.

Sailonsilverrgirl · 09/10/2024 19:13

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 19:12

I've messaged again saying forgot my husband is on call so it'll just be me and my son attending and I'm looking forward to it.

Hopefully she doesn't think I'm a massive twat

OP posts:
Skyla01 · 09/10/2024 19:10

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if two parents turn up. Normal round here

littleducks · 09/10/2024 19:09

I would message again something like "oops pregnancy brain don't know why it didn't occur to me I could send just dh as I'm struggling managing X at moment"

Completelyjo · 09/10/2024 19:06

Around here preschool parties mostly have both parents.
I would say about 75% of the kids at all the parties I’ve been to in the last 3 years if birthdays have been both parents and then a few bring the kid on their own.
Although parties are mostly pubs, function rooms, sports halls or parks.

I imagine this will change at school age when the kids are a bit more self sufficient.

HangDai · 09/10/2024 19:04

No, I don't agree with the above posts. The poor party mum is probably panicking that if she ends up with loads of husbands they won't fit in her house, people don't all have huge houses these days.

She's obviously trying to craft a tactful message, so I'd message again saying would she prefer drop off or if not just 1 of you will come with the DC.

Certainly in our circles people just don't have the space, we can't fit more than 8 people standing in our living room.

Bestfootfwd · 09/10/2024 18:59

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:55

So do I need to do anything to fix this or should I leave it Blush

I think it’s fine, leave it.