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Original poster

Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

212 replies

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:40

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 10/10/2024 06:04

Grammarnut · 09/10/2024 23:22

If it's at home and mainly family, it would be odd for both parents to attend. I do notice a horrid tendency for children's birthday parties becoming adult-fests. Not sure what to do in OP's case, she has made herself look a CF and it's difficult to row back.

Really? How have you noticed a horrible tendency for children’s parties becoming adult-fests considering you’re not the parent of a young child?

mugboat · 10/10/2024 00:06

Not a faux pas, but annoying for the host if the party is at their house or a small venue. If it's a big party, who cares?!

MissRoseDurward · 09/10/2024 23:55

In my circles a child's birthday party is a family affair, and everyone is invited.

So the birthday child doesn't actually get a party for him/herself with his/her own choice of invited guests?

Grammarnut · 09/10/2024 23:22

If it's at home and mainly family, it would be odd for both parents to attend. I do notice a horrid tendency for children's birthday parties becoming adult-fests. Not sure what to do in OP's case, she has made herself look a CF and it's difficult to row back.

leopardski · 09/10/2024 22:12

Don’t worry OP. I do agree with someone above that the immediate response has probably only come after hearing he won’t be coming; we go to a lot of parties and when it’s for a large group of kids one parent is pretty much the norm or it is just chaotic.

It’s different when it’s a small group and everyone knows each other, but for the bigger kids parties one of you can sit it out and have a few hours of peace!

HangDai · 09/10/2024 21:30

Pogpog21 · 09/10/2024 21:29

Gosh I didn’t realise this was even a thing! my husband and I usually both attend as we both work full time and want to see our child have fun and be part of his weekend. Equally I can’t think of a party we’ve hosted for him (including 3 at home) where parents haven’t come as a couple.

Do you ask first?

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2024 21:29

Funny how she texted ‘he’d have been more than welcome’ once she knew he was no longer coming. I think folks might be polite but honestly who wants to host a kids party at the same time as having a load of randoms in your house…? If you do, you’re a better person than me!

Pogpog21 · 09/10/2024 21:29

Gosh I didn’t realise this was even a thing! my husband and I usually both attend as we both work full time and want to see our child have fun and be part of his weekend. Equally I can’t think of a party we’ve hosted for him (including 3 at home) where parents haven’t come as a couple.

steelingmyself · 09/10/2024 21:23

You've been perfectly polite by asking. I wouldn't worry about it.

I live in a part of the country where if you host a party "the more the merrier" is generally assumed.

DoloresHargreeves · 09/10/2024 21:23

People on here are always weird about this. In my circles a child's birthday party is a family affair, and everyone is invited. That's normal to me, unless it's an event with limited numbers for some reason.

HangDai · 09/10/2024 21:17

NewYearNewJob2024 · 09/10/2024 20:23

I am a bit surprised at the comments here!

We're not at the parties stage yet (apart from family and close friends where we both go) but I always imagined the both of us would go where possible. And no...it's not because my husband is controlling and won't let me out on my own...or because I'm a wet lettuce who can't hold a conversation...but because we like to do things as a family, especially on a weekend when time together is limited. But obviously I'm the weirdo...

But the party isn't for your family, it's for the birthday child and their small playmates.

housethatbuiltme · 09/10/2024 21:08

Not unusual at all, I got to about a dozen kids parties a year and lots of parents go together. Frankly you would die of boredom alone (and no trying to force your way into to make small talk with others already having convosation with their partner, parent or mam friend is hell).

But then house parties are really rare, we have never been to a kids home birthday in 16 years.

wellington77 · 09/10/2024 21:05

DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 18:40

I'm afraid I've made a faux pas! But it's too late now...

My son has made a little friend at nursery and the mum asked us if we wanted to attend his 4th birthday party. This is my first kids birthday party and I'm not entirely sure on etiquette surrounding them.

She text me with the invite and I text back saying we'd love to come - is it ok for my husband to tag along as I wanted to check it was ok space wise and it's absolutely fine if not we'll be able to attend either way.

She typed a little bit and then didn't reply so now because I overthink EVERYTHING I thought, oh dear, was it wrong of me to ask? Then I googled it and a lot of people say it's weird for both parents to attend.

Further info - it's a party at home (which is think is worse for my case!) and it's mainly their family attending, I don't think there are going to be any other nursery kids there. Also I am heavily pregnant and running round after a 3 year old is proving pretty difficult for me at the minute. I've only seen her once, I am visibly pregnant but it is possible she might not have noticed...

I'm really upset with myself that I might have ruined my first potential school mum buddy by looking like a CF and debating whether to text again and say husbands actually busy on that day anyway so won't be able to attend so I haven't put her in a position where she needs to say no.

I think you’re over analysing this. I’ve been to loads of kids parties with both parents. My husband also comes along with me to our kids friends parties. I think it’s a lovely thing to do

Mill3nnial · 09/10/2024 21:03

Also she could have started typing and stopped because she was busy or the phone rang or something

ImthatBoleyngirl · 09/10/2024 21:03

DH and I used to alternate, or bribe each other to go. No point in both of us sitting through the pain of kids birthday parties 🤣

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 09/10/2024 21:03

Update!

I'm an idiot...

I messaged again when I last posted saying husband was on call working so it'd be just us regardless and looking forward to it.

She replied back pretty quickly saying that she got distracted with tea time and bed time but he would have been more than welcome.

All very friendly and it's just another case of me overthinking and making a tit of myself.

I will now be attending on my own though, having read most of these comments!

I'm not bad at chatting with strangers so shouldn't have too much of an issue.

OP posts:
Trebolle · 09/10/2024 20:59

Leave it now.

Mill3nnial · 09/10/2024 20:59

I think it's fine OP

Just leave it and if she says no don't take him

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/10/2024 20:57

I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking! She wouldn’t have been wrong to say no, but equally that’s not a difficult thing to say in these circumstances.

Maybe she started typing and stopped because she was distracted by her own 3 yo?

Pumpkincozynights · 09/10/2024 20:55

If I were you, I’d just send your dh, then you can put your feet up at home for a couple of hours!

itsgettingweird · 09/10/2024 20:54

comedycentral · 09/10/2024 19:20

One of us draws the short straw and attends, we only ever attend together if it's a family party 🥳

As a LP I always drew the short straw 😂😂

I remember to my shame 12 years later the day I cried on a parent who said I didn't need to attend her child's 8th birthday party with my autistic ds who had an epipen and unspecified allergies (just random allergic reactions 🧐).

The one parent made me feel my ds was included more than she'll ever probably remember what she did for me that day.

Not that I ever expected other parents to accept the child with epipen and no list of foods to actually be known to avoid! His autism made him quiet and very compliant - that wasn't an issue!

TotHappy · 09/10/2024 20:54

I don't think it's weird exactly because people have been doing it to us since y1 but I do find it annoying! The dads always eat loads of food and dh chats and 'hosts' them for bulk of the party while I run around doing everything. However, this problem may be specific to the dads I know/dh.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/10/2024 20:49

Also agree with @KnottedTwine It says a lot about the relationship between the parents and none of it is good.

Fivebyfive2 · 09/10/2024 20:46

HangDai · 09/10/2024 20:11

What's the problem? In most cases for kids parties it's not like you're accounting for sit down meals for adults is it, if you're lucky you get a bit of leftover kids buffet food 🤣

As some posters have said it may be bloody stressful for the host if they don't want 2x the numbers rocking up to an indoor party in cold weather in a small house.

Are you going to suggest poor people with small houses shouldn't have parties if 3 humans per family can't fit? Honestly this would be an issue for our circles.

Our house is small and we earn below average. We just invite a handful of kids and aren't bothered if both adults turn up.

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2024 20:43

NewYearNewJob2024 · 09/10/2024 20:23

I am a bit surprised at the comments here!

We're not at the parties stage yet (apart from family and close friends where we both go) but I always imagined the both of us would go where possible. And no...it's not because my husband is controlling and won't let me out on my own...or because I'm a wet lettuce who can't hold a conversation...but because we like to do things as a family, especially on a weekend when time together is limited. But obviously I'm the weirdo...

It’s not a ‘family day out’ 🙄 it’s another child’s birthday party in a house with possibly limited space and a host who is juggling a load of rampaging kids.