Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

I 100% agree with this.

This is what it usually means in my area. My children are now 10 and 7 and it's the controlling husbands mostly.

I'm 11 years into parties and can't think of a single one where both I and dh have attended together.
Its certainly not the norm around here

We only go as a pair if we’re friends with the parents, otherwise we share them between us and go solo. However, I don’t think it’s weird to go as a pair, never crossed my mind that it might be odd.

I personally do not find it odd when both parents turn up but I guess we are all different. I can understand too why you asked. I would message her and explain about the not being able to chase an active 3 year old about. As she knows you and I presume not your husband and this is at her house she should appreciate why you didn't want to send him in your stead.

This, I was going yo suggest breaking the silence with a text like this, I'm sure it will be fine, just say I'd love to see you but .... etc

I've read quite a few threads on this. Generally I think the consensus is preschool parties are more likely to have both parents attend but that reduces to one parent as they go through school. We often go as a couple. It's a nice opportunity for us both to get to know other mums and dads. We moved to the area so don't know that many people and it's a lovely way to meet other parents. Plus neither of us want to miss out on seeing our pre schooler interacting with friends and having a lovely time. But we are very much a 'family activities at weekends' sort of family, while both work during the week. I think there are other families where this is not the case and it's seen as a chore to take a child to a party (perhaps if they've been at home with the kid all week) and the other parent gets a rest to do a hobby or whatever. You should be true to yourself. Your message was perfectly polite. It's often a sea of mums at these things and the odd dad there can be grateful to see another man to chat to.

We took it in turns to endure the torture. Never went together because that’s weird. We are now in the realms of dump and run, so much better!

I don’t think it’s weird at all and I wouldn’t think to ask. Taking extra siblings is out of order though.

I was very surprised when two parents turned up at DSs fourth bday which we had at home, along with a younger sibling. They did bring wine though.

Surely it depends on the age of the child and the location of the party. We have started getting our first nursery party invites, DS is nearly 2.5, the parties are for kids turning 3, and so far all have been at a venue rather than someone's house.

DH and I both want to go to the one we've got on saturday because it's DS's first invite, and we are both friends with both parents, and it's at a venue, so why not.

But also if you are hosting at your house and space is limited why wouldn't you say that on the invite, rather than leaving people to guess? Don't expect people to mind read (when it's quite clear from this thread there is no set standard) and then be annoyed when both turn up.

Just remembered my daughter's 12th birthday party at a climbing place. Two sets of parents came, settled down in the cafe and enjoyed coffee, cake and socialising with other parents. I thought it was nice that they treated it like a fun afternoon out. Who doesn't enjoy going for a coffee and cake?

My kids are secondary school age and I've been to dozens of parties. I'd say it's unusual for both parents to attend but not completely unreasonable or crazy!
We had a party at home for my daughter's 5th birthday. We invited a Spanish boy. Both parents came with all three kids! This makes sense to me as I lived in Spain and saw that kids' parties are always a big social event for adults too, and they'd never leave out siblings.
If you're worried, just text and say, "I'll be coming alone. Sorry if my request was weird. This is our first kids' party, and we had no idea what the norm was."

OP go and have some cake.

Might be an age thing. The few 3 year old birthday parties I've gone to there has often been two parents. I think it's seen as a chance to meet new people and socialise. It's nice. Obvs is space is an issue then that's a different thing. And maybe as they become more frequent it would be split more but I don't like the suggestion only mums should go to these things. Men are parents too!

And if you lived in a two bed flat this would still be fine?

I feel really sad that if this has become the norm it means those who do parties at home because they can't afford soft play or a fancy hire miss out.

My kids loved their little party games with their pals and at the time it was all I could have afforded for them.

I just don't know where you all have the space for these people.

My sofa sits three. I usually move the other smaller chairs to make room for party games.

Dining table is shoved against the wall to become the station to apply glitter tattoos and is then covered in the buffet food.

I usually put down a big picnic blanket for them to eat at and then we do decorate your own biscuit type activities.

Thank god this wasn't a thing when mine were that age or you'd have been standing in the hall.

My house in ordinary times could cope with a few sets of adult couples but in order to have space for a party it means moving other stuff out of the way. And if I've gone to the effort to do that I don't want it replaced by random standing people.

It’s insane how anal people are about kids parties. It’s a party, chill out and have fun. I don’t care who comes to my kids parties, the more the merrier. We just get a load of food and drink in, and see who shows up.

Nope, the male partners take turns and do 50% of the parties. Equal parents.

It blows mine and and DH's mind when we see both parents attending kids parties. We have a strict turn taking policy usually to share out the pain! Totally understand your situation wanting DH help with toddler wresting while pregnant though.

At our DS 6th party at a soft play, (we do both attend when it's our own DC!) a child's parents both attended which was not a problem and up to them, but they brought along an early teen sibling who was bored stiff and kept trying to get into the little kids' soft play and having to be told to get out and sit down. Why on earth didn't one parent keep the teen at home and do something else with him?! Must be a good reason known to them and no skin off our nose. Felt sorry for the bored teen a bit.

Glad you got it sorted, it's so difficult knowing all these 'rules' around parties, I was so glad when we finished with that stage. I actually loved when more parents turned up because it was extra set of eyes, you can get distracted so easily and they usually dig in and help with games, food etc

It's been a long time since I've done a kid's party but I remember that quite a few kids had both parents turn up.
I didn't even think about it, well apart from my friends DH who sat there looking miserable and refusing to engage with anyone (including his wife and daughter). Not really sure why he came.

Oh and we had some mums and dads together come along to DD1(5)'s party at home and it was fine. And little siblings were welcome too. But as long as someone asks and you have the chance to say 'Sorry we are really limited for space!', it's fine IMO.

Yes, contrary to MN on this point, it's quite common here for both parents to attend, especially as we are in a village and most people sort of know each other. Sometimes DH takes them, sometimes I do, or if it's a big hall party or soft play where DD(2) also welcome, we tend to both go (so I can drink tea and talk to people and he can chase the toddler around ).

So I wouldn't think it's a faux pas. Maybe if you'd actually turned up without asking or something.

You're overthinking it.